Christmas cracker jokes

Yes, it\’s that time. The Telegraph gives us a selection.

Q: What is the hypochondriac\’s favourite drink?

A: Sham pain

Q: What\’s green and barks?

A: Kermit the dog!

Q;What did the German High Command say in the war when the French were fleeing from France in to Northern Spain?

A;We have too many Basques in one exit.

Mr Bob Moore of High Wycombe

Q: How do you get to Wales in a mini?

A: Easy! One in the front and one in the back.

Mrs Gillian Moulding, London E7

Q: What did the bra say to the hat?

A: You go on ahead while I give these two a lift.

Mr Gershaw of Leeds

Q: How did Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

A: Deep pan, crisp and even!!

C Darch of Keynsham

Q: What did the musician call his noisy dog?

A: Offenbach

Miss R M Payne of Reading

Q: Why did the star twinkle?

A: Because it saw the moonbeam

Mr WC Dodd, of Fareham

Q: What does "scintillate" mean?

A: After eight you should stop sinning

Mrs J Morley of Milton Keynes

Q: Where would you find a tortoise with no legs

A: Pretty much where you left it!

J. Harris of St Ives

Q: What do you call a parrot with an umbrella?

A: Polly unsaturatetd

Mr Peter Foley of Ilford

Q: What were the last words the barman said to the customer on the Titanic?

A: \’Care for some ice, sir?\’

Mr Glynn Leaney, Oxford

Q: Why has a milking stool only got three legs?

A; Because the cow has got the udder.

Q: What happens if you play table tennis with a bad egg?

A: First it goes ping then it goes pong!

Reg and Margaret (by email)

Q; What do you call a dog with three feet?

A: A yard dog.

Ron Rigby, Liverpool

The answer to number 4 should of course be "Across the Severn Bridge".

Anyone got any more?

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