Dealing with climate change causes skid marks

I have a feeling that people have got this story all wrong:

CIVIL servants were furious yesterday after bosses fitted timers to stop them spending longer than 10 minutes on the loo.

The cost-cutting measures were introduced at the Government Office for the West Midlands.

A hidden sensor switches off the toilet light after 10 minutes, forcing people to finish what they are doing and leave – in the dark.

One worker from the Birmingham office said: “This is both humiliating and degrading.”

Given what people in the Government Office of the West Midlands actually do (it\’s part of the EU imposed regionalisation of the country) we\’d all be entirely happy with their taking more time in the loo rather than crapping all over everyone in implementing their dynamic outreach contextualisation programmes for forward onward reliability.

However, this isn\’t about that at all. This is about turning out the lights so as to reduce electricity consumption. Put the toilet lights on a timer thus ensuring that the occasional bulb isn\’t left on. Entirely missing the point of course that many will use the toilet for a minute or two and then turn out the light. In fact, given that wees are rather more common than craps (err, except in Government Offices, OK, I\’ll give you that, possibly) putting a 10 minute timer on the lights could well increase electrcity consumption.

But for those working for the Government Office of the West Midlands who do not follow Government Healthy Eating Guidelines and thus have insufficient roughage in their diet (something we can take to be 100% of said workforce. Look, they know how useless everything they themselves do is and thus are even more cynical about Government Guidelines than the rest of us) this will of course cause problems as they flail about wildly in the dark attempting to wipe off the clarts.

For, as we know, bureaucrats could not find their own arses with both hands in the dark.

And thus the proof of the headline. Dealing with climate change causes skid marks.

3 comments on “Dealing with climate change causes skid marks

  1. If you’re having a surreptitious doze in the lavvies, the light going off automatically is quite a boon.

  2. H,

    I entirely agree.

    Plus when your boss comes looking for you, if he finds the bogblock in darkness, he’s automatically going to assume you are elsewhere. On the assumption he will then extend his search radius this gives you time to nip back to your desk and assume a pose of productivity and dilligence for when he eventually returns.

    If the civil servants haven’t managed to work this out I can only conclude the private sector even produces better skivers than the public one.

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