In which I put forward a truly monstrous idea

Diane Abbott tells us all about the young woman who died while having a gluteoplasty (? getting a bigger booty?).

Sadly we live in an era when too many young women are brainwashed into believing that, artificially pumping up some aspect of their body, is the road to fame and fortune. And they will risk their lives to achieve this.

Jordan is the patron saint of this cult. We can see the victims in any newspaper any day.

Whether it is an over-sized bottom, puffed up “duck” lips or grotesquely big breasts, millions of girls like Claudia fervently believe that, if they can only save up enough to get these things done, the world is their oyster.

Plastic surgeons have a lot to answer for.

Well, no, not really. What\’s at fault here is the education system.

Bear with me now.

Men have always, do and always will, judge the attractiveness of potential mates. It might be through symmetry, hip to waist ratio, booty or bust size, colour of hair…..different societies have had different standards about this over the millennia.

So the use of plastic surgery by women to improve the mate they can capture isn\’t surprising at all.

But if we do decide that we\’d rather young women don\’t go down this route, we need to find some other method of enabling young women to compete for those desirable mates (for let\’s be honest, given the average male out there, there are an awful lot of undesirable ones).

Other than looks, what is it that men truly desire? It\’s not, sadly, brains, as many/most men are actually put off by women cleverer than they are (despite this being near universal).

Actually, what men tend to desire is sex. Good sex and lots of it. With a definite emphasis on the *good* part.

So, in order to provide young women with a non-plastic surgery alternative method of capturing the alpha males, I suggest that we reform sex education. Make it, instead of education about sex, education in sex.

Make those O levels and A levels actually mean something.

Teachers would need, of course, to be men of a certain age and respectability: I suggest only those over 50 who have published at least one book and managed to be appointed a Fellow of a think tank.

Fortunately, Viagra comes off patent at just about the date that I turn 50.

Over the years many have said that I would make a good teacher and I am certainly looking forward to grading the students.

It would all be class work of course, direct instruction: definitely no homework allowed.

10 comments on “In which I put forward a truly monstrous idea

  1. Would that make those ‘O’ and ‘A’ levels more like ‘Ooh’ and ‘Aah’ levels?

    I’ll get my coat 🙂

  2. Contact Berlusconi Productions for the latest techniques.

    Although I am neither the target sex nor the right age, if there is any way I can help?

  3. The worse the quality of available males, the harder the women will compete, to get one of the relatively better ones.

    So the answer to reducing competition is to improve the quality of males. The easiest way is to get young women to drink more, as we chaps look far better through beer googles.

  4. Tim, I find the blatant homophobia of this article quite disgraceful. How can you in good conscience ignore the needs of the many thousands of pert young lesbians in our school system? Surely in our modern society you should make arrangements to ensure that a suitably buxom female teacher be made available to students? – appropriately supervised by your good self, of course. For shame, sir!

  5. Except that Diane appears to ignore that the young woman in question did not go to a plastic surgeon but chose to travel to the USA and have silicon injected into her arse-cheeks by some back street quack.

    But for Diane Abbot to criticise women with large bottoms and big bosoms is a tad rich.

  6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDoQFcQEpOQ

    Equals

    http://filtranet.movistar.es:10236/public/Stop/dspStop.htmopt?CAT=%5Bentretenimiento-lg|fotos_y_videos-lg|pornografia-lg]&RULE=[general]&DATETIME=[16/Feb/2011:23:18:14]&FILE=-&CODE=06dc91f6ce82814b7074a83eba063d3ffbdaf6a2e8f246546bf8b3237503f730a902db232a8b86f9d577b9f62db0c7d5d667010097fa8d914405d4c824db1d8f63f69371be9934dc09a08f63c32211bd39275e99f61120df&LANG=esp&IP=083.051.089.060&USER=-&URL=http://www.youtube.com/verify_age%3Fnext_url=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DuDoQFcQEpOQ&CLIENTID=952195121

    Damn net nanny!

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