But I also don\’t think it works to say that it\’s nobody\’s business but the couple\’s whether people keep their marriage vows……..Why was it so important to call it marriage, if everything about it is entirely private?…….Society takes a greater interest in marriages than in other relationships because society, as well as the individual, has an interest in strong marriages. Strong marriages support a strong society. And society supports the marriage by encouraging people to do the very hard work of keeping their promises. One of the ways in which society ensures strong marriages is by tut-tutting (or worse) at people who don\’t keep to their vows: who abandon spouses, treat them badly, or yes, violate their trust by engaging in covert sexual activity…….I think that social sanction can be very helpful in assisting us in doing important but difficult things. Marriage is stronger if people who find out that their friends are cheating don\’t say, \”Awesome, is he hot?\” but \”How could you do that to Jason?\” Marriage is stronger if people who cheat are viewed with slight revulsion, and so are the (knowing) people who they cheat with. Marriage is stronger when people who decide not to care for seriously ill spouses are met with an incredulous \”What the hell is wrong with you?\”, not \”Yeah, I couldn\’t handle that either.\” Of course it would be nicer if we didn\’t need this sort of help. But we are a flawed species……..This is, to be sure, a bit trickier in an era when people like me and Andrew accept that there can be healthy non-monagamous marriages. Maybe, folks have suggested, she was totally okay with this! This seems possible, but not really very likely. I know a decent number of people in open marriages, but they are very far from the majority of the people I know. Looking at what polls and research we have on this sort of thing, plus an unscientific survey of my friends and the women who have written me, I\’m going to go out on a limb here and speak for heterosexual married women as a class: I\’m pretty sure that most of us are not okay with our husbands sending racy photos to strangers, or engaging in phone sex with same within weeks of our wedding day. And if she\’s totally okay with this, how come she hasn\’t said so? ……
Well, you get the picture.
Call me old-fashioned
Nooo, that\’s not the description I would use if I were to be snarky about it.
\”Recently married\” would be.