Excellent Olympics News!

While spectators are being urged to abandon their cars and embrace public transport, 4,000 brand new BMWs have been ordered to escort dignitaries and officials to events.

The fleet of the German cars will include more than 3,000 BMW 3 and 5 Series saloons, which will be permitted to beat the traffic by using specially reserved games lanes across the capital.

Brits tend to not take kindly to such special rules. Grandees having privileges that the rest of us aren\’t allowed to share.

We do make exceptions for those actively at risk of assassination but other than that, everyone obeys the same rules of the road, we\’ve even got the upcoming possibility of a Cabinet Minister being pursued for perverting the course of justice over a speeding ticket.

So, knowing that they\’re all brand new BMW 3 and 5 Series meas that we know which cars to throw the paint bombs at, which cars to block off, which to key accidentally, which to stall accidentally in front of.

Isn\’t that good news then?

17 comments on “Excellent Olympics News!

  1. 3000 cars NOT made in the UK – SURELY ANY other country would have fallen over itself to use this occasion to promote its own wares ? What would have been wrong with 3000 Jaguars ?

    Have we no proud left ? Or “nous” ?

    Alan Douglas

  2. “…but other than that, everyone obeys the same rules of the road…”

    Not since Sikhs & motorcycle helmets, they don’t…

    “What would have been wrong with 3000 Jaguars ?”

    They are owned by Ford.

  3. Jaguar are owned by Tata. But nothing much would be wrong with them. Nice cars. Now the S class has gone.

    Remember that the Olympic BMWs will be carefully marked with special beneficial badges to allow them to access their privileges. And identify them to people wishing to express their delight about our new Olympic overlords. Just so that poor innocent private BMW buyers who just happen to be in London or Weymouth won’t be penalised.

  4. Incitement to commit public order offences directed at the Olympic orgy for the Great and Good ? Bloody good show! Hope Occupy get a copy of this post. It’s about time they did something constructive.

  5. This reminds me of a story from the old wild west of America where an outlaw was identified by the saddle he used (substitute saddle for BMW and you will get the point of this story) and a substantial reward dead or alive was offered. It was only after 108 cowboys had been shot dead who rode on identical saddles that the the offer was rescinded.

  6. Bristol is just about the only British car company left, I think an order for 3000 of their cars would have kept them in business for years, not that they could have delivered them all on time. Oh, and they have a tendency to vet their clients for suitability, I expect most of the apparatchiks would have failed the vetting.

    Tim adds: Bristol has just gone bust.

    And BMW is, at least I think they are, giving the cars not being paid for them. This is part of their sponsorship, so they get to say “BMW, Official Car of the Olympics”.

  7. My point was about cars MADE in Britain, not about ownership. It was the JOBS going elsewhere I was attempting to highlight.

    And yes, I know Honda and Nissan make cars here too, but the rare combination of made and NAMED prejudiced me towards Jaguar.

    Alan Douglas

  8. “…we know which cars to throw the paint bombs at, which cars to block off, which to key accidentally, which to stall accidentally in front of”

    Just wondering – will you shortly be getting a visit from a crack squad of Met anti-terror officers brandishing the Olympic Act…? 😉

  9. Just wondering – will you shortly be getting a visit from a crack squad of Met anti-terror officers brandishing the Olympic Act…?

    Ironic extradition to London next summer?

  10. Antisthenes:

    Reminds me of the story from Langtry, Texas.
    They’d found a dead Chinaman in a dry creek bed just within town limits. He had $40 in his pocket and revolver in a holster.

    So, they arraigned the corpse before His Honor, Judge Roy Bean (known as “The Law West of the Pecos”), who found him guilty as charged with carrying a firearm within town limits. And, naturally, levied on him a fine of $40.

    My guess is that the prosecution proved both educational and salutory, as intended, in that dead Chinese with guns and money seemed to give the town wide berth after that incident.

  11. “we know which cars to throw paint bombs at”
    – and they, in turn, will know who to taser, gas or shoot.
    These are real people in these cars not some UK mob having a mass tantrum.

  12. I wonder if there is a market for something like a yellow triangle sticker with “Olympic Officials Not On Board” for all those poor owners of BMWs who are totally innocent?

  13. the best thing Boris could do would be to announce two weeks before the Olympics that the only people with privillege access to the Olympics are the athletes and they are staying there anyway. No zill lanes, no special treatment for the “olympic family” of corrupt non-entities, nothing. The parasites would howl and squeal and refuse to ever let us host it again, but “bothered?”

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