Err, George, this is utility

But many of the products we buy, especially for Christmas, cannot become obsolescent. The term implies a loss of utility, but they had no utility in the first place. An electronic drum-machine T-shirt; a Darth Vader talking piggy bank; an ear-shaped iPhone case; an individual beer can chiller; an electronic wine breather; a sonic screwdriver remote control; bacon toothpaste; a dancing dog. No one is expected to use them, or even look at them, after Christmas day. They are designed to elicit thanks, perhaps a snigger or two, and then be thrown away.

Utility isn\’t what you think is useful. It\’s what other people think is. And you don\’t get to impose your idea of what utility is on other people.

28 comments on “Err, George, this is utility

  1. Utility isn’t what you think is useful. It’s what other people think is. And you don’t get to impose your idea of what utility is on other people.

    That quote should be branded on the forearm of every candidate for public office.

  2. “Utility isn’t what you think is useful. It’s what other people think is. And you don’t get to impose your idea of what utility is on other people.”

    “they had no utility in the first place.”

    So George is right. Many presents have no utility to the recipient.

    I would rather receive nothing than something I didn’t want. Knowing that the giver had wasted their money is unpleasant.

  3. George’s and the Guardian’s entire philosophy is that, au contraire, they can and should impose their idea of utility on everyone else.

  4. A single individual beer can chiller is not much use unless it can chill the second beer faster than you drink the first.

    And even that is assuming you drink cold beer, rather than proper stuff.

  5. We should all have to submit documentation to Central Services requesting our Xmas presents and pledging that we (1) need them, (2) want them, (3) will value them, and (4) re-use them.

    Then CS can issue us with a 419b127(a) Licence: Present. Festive period (Christian).

  6. ……In what world is an individual beer can chiller not useful?!….

    Presumably in the Islamic Republic of Iran or Antarctica, but apart from that……

    From an energy usage point of view, it is difficult to believe that a large fridge is more efficient to chill a single can of beer.

  7. More grist to Ian B’s concept that Lefties are the direct descendants of the Puritans. I’m sure GM would have us all dressed in suitably dour identical garb and eschewing all pleasures of the flesh if he could. Cold baths and a bit of scourging too I wouldn’t wonder.

  8. “I would rather receive nothing than something I didn’t want. Knowing that the giver had wasted their money is unpleasant.”

    Here, James James displays the essential narcissism of the Left – assuming that because he scorns the ‘it’s the thought that counts’ concept, so must everyone else.

  9. James James said:

    “(The point you’re making is that the giving of presents has utility to the giver, but George’s main point is correct.)”

    I must be misunderstanding Tim then. Surely he is saying GM can only decide for himself whether something has utility. GM cannot do it for anyone else.

    Take the wine breather for example – useless to a teetotal but not necessarily so to someone who drinks wine.

  10. “I’m sure GM would have us all dressed in suitably dour identical garb and eschewing all pleasures of the flesh if he could. Cold baths and a bit of scourging too I wouldn’t wonder”

    Damn right “an electronic drum-machine T-shirt” is just cool as fuck, particularly a 303. People like Moonbat deciding whats got utility is why every socialist state ends up a dour shithole

  11. It amuses, if one dons ones sandals & false beard & head down to the local craft fair with the rest of the tree huggers so beloved by GM, one is usually confronted by a yurt flap to teepee pole selection of some of the most useless garbage on the planet, at positively eye watering prices

  12. Imagine the world if this evil little fucker and his chums ever get their way. One shirt, one pair of shoes, 2000 calories a day at the state run restaurant… Will kids be allowed toys? Will women be allowed sussies?

    Fuck me. The weird thing is how many people are signing up for it.

    One question for him: who’s going to feed the blokes who presently make the Billy Basses?

  13. “I would rather receive nothing than something I didn’t want. Knowing that the giver had wasted their money is unpleasant.”

    - i will point this out to her, I literally cannot get into the spare room for all the shite she’s bought for xmas – if I did dare point out your sweet reason it would elicit rudeness from her. Its quite depressing watching her just buying more shite that we don’t need, goes with all the food we don’t eat that she buys. And on it goes, fucking great piles of shite we don’t need and I don’t want, she obviously gets some buzz out of it, God knows what though.

  14. Moonbat is correct here, mystifies me that some many people would take issue with what he says, this stuff is shite, it never did have any fucking utility. A fucking tractor has fucking utility, a fucking barrel of oil has fucking utility etc, but much of what will be purchases for xmas (or not xmas) does indeed have no fucking utility.

    Moonbat is correct, though he’s still a cunt.

  15. It is only a rule of thumb that Moonbat talks shite, not a law of nature.

    Sometimes he’s spot on, and he’s frankly preferable to doctor caroline fucking lucas and many others.

  16. Cool it Guys!

    OK, here’s how it’s going to be. Listen up.

    Young George is getting a sack of coal and a shovel for being such a party pooper and far too full of himself. And you know what is just so sweet about that? He won’t be able to bring himself to do anything with it, even if he was freezing to death.

    And Jonny Pottymouth Bonk- You are getting, literally, a bag of steaming freshly-minted Reindeer-poo and a pitchfork. I felt it would match your language.

  17. James James – “So George is right. Many presents have no utility to the recipient. I would rather receive nothing than something I didn’t want. Knowing that the giver had wasted their money is unpleasant.”

    I really wouldn’t want to be one of your children. I can see them coming back from primary school now –

    “Call that a f**king painting? What kind of arse ended effort is that? Come back when you can do something better than Tintoretto”

  18. Johnny Bonk – you can fuck off as well. If you don’t want to buy shite, don’t buy it. It’s a very simple concept.

  19. XX Serf // Dec 11, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    ……In what world is an individual beer can chiller not useful?!….

    Presumably in the Islamic Republic of Iran or Antarctica, but apart from that…… XX

    Same goes for the bacon toothpaste.

  20. I’m an atheist, I don’t drink and I love Christmas. If I hear one more denunciation of the over-commercialisation of Christmas from some dour, plodding fucker like Mongbiot I am going to give them both barrels. The truly sad thing is he trots this shite out as if it were an original observation. Can anyone – anyone – no matter how long in the tooth remember a time when some grey little ponce wasn’t waffling on about ‘the true meaning of Christmas’? It used to be be reserved to dismal old tosspots who thought it was all about Jeebus, but now that sort of pontificating has fallen out of fashion* it’s the secular priests who get to wax all disapprovingly about over-consumption.

    * along with Pontifex himself.

  21. To Mr Serf’s point that a beer cooler would be useless in Antartica, as Antartica is several degrees lower (and then some) than zero a beer cooler single or multiple is ideal to stop the beer from freezing. Eskimo’s also use fridges for the same purpose to stop food from freezing and also chilling beer.

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