CiF comment of the day

We’d go up to him and kneel before him, holding up the badges of office so he could take them. And we’d say

“Oh mighty if slightly pigmentally lacking warrior, we pledge fealty to you and your descendants in perpetuity. Lead us into our bright new future, where all have chocolate bars, none shall shiver, and even the fuckwits know that if you have a sleeping bag it’s no good unless you get in it first.”

But he would say, “No, my people need me” And he’d turn and walk into the mist and at first we’d see his outline in the fog but then he’d be seen no more.

And some of the women would weep at this point, but you and I would turn and walk away, shaking our heads in wonder, and you would put your arm around my shoulders. In a manly way.

25 comments on “CiF comment of the day

  1. And some of the ones below are great too.

    I imagine the ponies looking at Mr Monbiot and his friend on their bicycles and thinking “If they can do it, so can I.” Different organisms are, well, different.

    Indeed, cycle clips not practical for the equine species, not to mention saddle bags* and all those multi-gears, They just wouldn’t hack it.

    * Noting, of course, that saddle bags are entirely practical and, indeed were invented for, equines. Their adoption by the lycra-clad horde is, well, modern.

  2. Don’t know about anyone else but that story sounds complete bollocks to me. October & a bit of rain? There’s quite a lot of us have gotten wet whilst taking mild physical exercise in slightly inclement weather without succumbing to hypothermia. Builders, fishermen, farmers, forestry workers… Let alone the WW1/2 generations & the privations of battlefields. What are environmentally concerned intellectuals made of? Tissue paper?

  3. BIS-

    To be fair, this is just the kind of thing that really can happen, especially with George being a weed with no body fat due to his veggie-puritan diet, etc.

  4. It needn’t have been a military paramedic. Anyone who’s completed basic training is well are of the symptoms and treatment of hypothermia. Anyone with a bit Scout leadership training will also have that knowledge.

  5. And as we may see in the case of that formerly-missing, now found dead, teenager from Manchester, you don’t need to be in ‘the wilderness’ either…

  6. Very good Christmas message from Moonbat, although doesn’t beat last year’s when he told the story of how he played pikey for a week and found out first hand that they are a bunch of thieving bastards.

  7. @ian
    I was trying to do a time-line on brave George’s dice with death & really can’t make him much further than couple hours from the comfort of his sofa. His lack of eggy soldiers before setting out’s irrelevant. Wouldn’t have had time to be digested. A couple hours or more, in wind chill whilst exercising, shouldn’t have that effect. It’s what we’re designed for ffs. I know I’ve gone through exactly the same dozens of times without needing hospitalisation. Most people do outside stuff in winter do. I subsist mostly on strong coffee, alcohol & nicotine & carry no weight whatsoever, so even a lentil cruncher should do better.
    My guess is his problem was dehydration not low sugar or cold Easy to forget even in cold & wet you lose a lot of fluids through respiration. Litre an hour or more if your breathing rate’s high. But the thirst signal doesn’t get attention the same way it would if you were hot. Dehydrated you start to feel woozy, then you’re liable to suffer temperature loss. You get warned about this if you go play around with mountains

  8. So twenty years out Moonbat was 30 and exhausted himself riding less than 30 miles in mixed weather. He got hypothermia because he had stopped generating warmth through exercise to make up for the amount he lost as the rain evaporated from his clothes. An idiot, yes, but also an *utter wimp*. You don’t get hypothermia running* a marathon in the pouring rain (but you can when you stop which is why the London Marathon provide space blankets at the finish); on occasions I have walked myself dry after being soaked to the skin; one can get slightly light-headed from exercise after missing a meal but he’s only missed one meal (and I recall from my time at college a friend who missed eight in a row while running the best part of 100 miles) without mishap.
    No wonder he hates public schools which have not completely expurgated practices designed to toughen up boys.
    @ bis
    I’ll believe you that “But the thirst signal doesn’t get attention the same way it would if you were hot.” and he was sweaty early on but he would have stopped sweating once he got wet and burning up energy turns sugar into CO2 +H2O so you don’t dehydrate exercising when wet (hence massive queues for loos before/after races). He had drunk tea before starting so if he had burned up enough sugar he would not have dehydrated.
    *or walking

  9. @john77
    I’m. for various reasons, still minded he was suffering from dehydration but I think we can both agree, people with the level of natural stupidity of Geo Monbiot shouldn’t be allowed out except under the supervision of a responsible adult. Which given his likely associates, probably means never.

  10. @ bis
    Agreed – preferably a nanny.
    I’m not an expert so I’m not saying he *wasn’t* dehydrated, just that a normal 30-year-old-guy *shouldn’t* have dehydrated in those circumstances. For Pete’s sake, when I was middle-aged and getting semi-fit a couple of times a year to run a marathon I didn’t take a drink bottle on a 20-mile training run. As a pre-teen I went on cycle rides of up to 30 miles in the summer holidays with my best friend and the younger of my older sisters with no drinks (maybe because were all lean we didn’t sweat much).

  11. If you’re off hiking or bicycling somewhere you’re not utterly familiar with, in the autumn, and you don’t have a map and compass (preferably a decent lensatic one), the means and knowledge to make a fire, some energy-dense food, plenty to drink, and something waterproof then you are a knob. If ambient temperature is below 12°C then absent active measures to keep warm you will die. In the good old days you could have carried a decent knife, like a KA-BAR, but the filth will do you up like a kipper if they catch you with one now. On the other hand, smartphones have GPS and, in a pinch, can be used to make phone calls. A spot in the CCF, where they teach this stuff, would have done Mongbat no end of good.

  12. @kohn77
    It just seems a more credible explanation than simple hypothermia. If his tale is to be believed, we have him wet & shivering whilst waiting for his slightly brighter mate.(I’m going to guess on there’s no high wind because with a lot of wind chill you’re chill reflex cuts in and’ll have you curled up in a ball sheltering behind a blade of grass rather than stand around freezing unless…*) But then we have him doing strenuous physical exercise. That should raise his core temperature. At no point should it be lower than when he was stationary & waiting. He’s even riding the bike, so he’s having no balance problems. But dehydration will increase with exercise. Until he flakes.
    *The unless. What he mightn’t be telling us was the tea wasn’t tea or his blood was still full of alcohol from the night before. Or turn it t’other way. Too little water in his alcohol stream. ‘nother word for dehydrated. Idiots do it here. Sweat like pigs then tank booze to quench the thirst. Then pass out. They’re not drunk, they’re poisoned. Kidneys can’t clear their bloodstream. Osmotic pressure’s wrong way.
    Whole episode sounds like a pisshead’s expedition from the start. Certainly highlights the benefits of an expensive education

  13. john77: cycling or other strenuous activity in cold weather is not an active measure to keep warm. It’s an active measure to even further screw up your heat budget. “Active measures” means seeking shelter or building a fire. Around 12°C is the point at which homoeostasis can no longer keep you properly regulated and you start going downhill. A rule of thumb is if you can see your breath then it’s cold enough for exposure to be a risk. Given the right clothing you can survive for a long time in even very cold weather but you will succumb eventually. He was wearing the wrong clothes, and they were wet. Exercising would have got his innards warmer for a bit but it’s a useless way of staving off hypothermia except in the very short term. BiS might well be right that there were other factors involved; I have no idea if that’s the case.

  14. @ David Gillies
    Moonbat talks of October in the South-west; bright sunny day until hail.
    You may not be aware that there is a sport called “cross-country” where individuals who have successfully evaded the men in white suits run round frozen and/or muddy fields in the middle of winter. Unlike British Fail, these individuals and the race officials are not deterred by the wrong sort of snow.
    “Around 12°C” – news to me and most other guys – that is over 53F. Now -53F is bloody cold, but not +53F. I could see my breath at -53F, but not at +53F.

  15. I’d have to go with John. I’ve laid concrete in a T-shirt with snow falling & still been wiping sweat.. 12deg is shorts weather.

  16. I assure you that 12°C is cold enough to see your breath and cold enough to put you at risk of exposure. It’s not a question of falling over frozen straight away but hypothermia is very insidious precisely because you can suffer from it on what might otherwise appear to be a reasonably mild day. This is hardly controversial. Strenuous exercise will make you feel warm for a while, and if you get back indoors after cross-country running or laying concrete or whathaveyou of course you’ll be fine. But the symptoms creep up on you, they start to happen at temperatures that common sense would tell you are not dangerous, and as they set in they rob you of the capacity to realise you are in danger. I know this sounds silly, but if common sense were all it took then there’d be no need to teach survival courses. People die, frequently, because they think hypothermia means ‘freezing to death’ and if it’s not freezing out then it’s safe.

  17. It goes someway to explaining Georgie’s lefty views. He’s such a useless, wimpy fuckwit he needs his hand held throught life and so we must all suffer for his security.

  18. During winter, it is 12 degrees or less when I ride into work, and it occasionally rains. I’ve been hailed on a few times as well. The lowest temp I can remember on a morning ride is 6 degrees, and that definitely requires arm warmers, leg warmers, shoe covers and a thin jacket of some sort – at least for the first 10 minutes.

    When it’s 12 degrees, I sweat like a navvy if I put a paper thin spray jacket over the top of my jersey – including if it is pouring with rain. I often think I would be dryer if I took the jacket off in the pissing rain. I’ll be tonking along though at 30km/h (or a bit faster if possible) and at that speed, you’re putting out a reasonable number of watts – and a lot of heat. Even with a freezing wind, the worst I’ll get is chilled finger tips and cold toes. When George says he was “cycling”, I think he means he was toddling along so slowly that he would have generated more heat by walking.

  19. All my first aid instructors and hiking instructors have been with David Gillies on this. They also say it’s notorious for happening to fit guys.

  20. “They also say it’s notorious for happening to fit guys.”
    Ah, well – that explains why it’s never happened to me as I haven’t been decently fit since I graduated.
    “I assure you that 12°C is cold enough to see your breath” – No, it is not. It may be cold enough to see *your* breath, but not mine: and it has been cold enough recently to check that out if I had any doubt. *12°F* is cold enough

  21. Tracy. You don’t think you mighn’t be describing the risk adverseness of first aid & hiking instructors, here? Their job, or at least social position, depends on bigging up the dangers.

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