No thank you, we’re British

  • What you're saying
    In this 21st century, we must talk openly about our sex lives, be it masturbation, having more than one partner or whatever

    shalone
    commenting on vibrators

Umm, no. A free and liberal society does mean that we can do whatever we like in our sex lives. But why in hell must we abandon manners and bore everyone stupid with the details of it? That one or another might greatly enjoy reverse cowboy could be interesting if the offer to enjoy it mutually was being made. But stripped of that mutual intimacy the details of your sex life are as interesting as descriptions of the methods by which you poop.

Really, that things are done is one thing, that things are talked about another.

11 comments on “No thank you, we’re British

  1. Bearing in mind the content of most of the outpourings on CiF, more articles on masturbation would at least be honest.

  2. Talk openly about masturbation, but by God no photographs of topless attractive young women in the pages of a newspaper.

  3. You missed out the best bit Tim:

    “I knew a girl in Africa who once said to me: I am fed up with selfish men, can you buy me a vibrator? ”

    1) I hope Shalone isn’t a man, for that would make his African adventure a painful blow to the male ego.

    2) I wonder if Trevor Baylis has ever thought of building a wind-up lady tickler, for remote parts of Africa that don’t have nearby corner shops to buy AA batteries from?

    3) A vibrator won’t kill spiders or take out the bins, sweetheart.

  4. Rob – “Talk openly about masturbation, but by God no photographs of topless attractive young women in the pages of a newspaper.”

    Nail on the head.

    Although it seems nudity is OK so long as heterosexual men don’t enjoy it:

    “Lena Dunham’s nudity on Girls is refreshing” http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/15/girls-nudity-lena-dunham-refreshing

    “Good on the Naked Rambler – more public nudity would be a good thing” http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/07/naked-rambler-public-nudity-stephen-gough

    “The naked truth about nudity among the over-50s” http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/fashion-blog/2013/nov/27/naked-truth-nudity-among-over-50s

    But as you say, attractive, buxom young women showing off the delightful ta-tas God gave them is a no-no, especially if the kind of men who watch football and drive white Ford Transit vans like what they see:

    “Why the ‘No more Page 3 in The Sun’ campaign is gaining momentum” http://www.theguardian.com/media/greenslade/2013/aug/06/page-3-david-dinsmore

  5. Steve – “Although it seems nudity is OK so long as heterosexual men don’t enjoy it:”

    I expect that you are missing the word “White” in there somewhere.

    ““Lena Dunham’s nudity on Girls is refreshing””

    Is there a single person on the planet, heterosexual or not, who wants to see this woman taking her clothes off?

    (Although I did like her as the fat school boy with glasses in Lord of the Flies and the fat school boy in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.)

    “But as you say, attractive, buxom young women showing off the delightful ta-tas God gave them is a no-no, especially if the kind of men who watch football and drive white Ford Transit vans like what they see:”

    The middle class have always found the sexuality of the lower classes worrying. Rightly in many cases. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but at my age I find the annoyance caused by the Page Three girls to the Right On community more enjoyable than the pictures of their breasts.

  6. SMFS – “I expect that you are missing the word “White” in there somewhere.”

    What am I, Michael Barrymore?

    “Although I did like her as the fat school boy with glasses in Lord of the Flies and the fat school boy in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.”

    🙂

    She was great in Father Ted. Remember when Pat Mustard asked if he could put his massive tool in her box?

    “at my age I find the annoyance caused by the Page Three girls to the Right On community more enjoyable than the pictures of their breasts.”

    Seeing those confident, empowered young women posing innocently as if they were in the Garden of Eden makes me say ‘hallelujah!’

    http://youtu.be/ExG7Ut6DJ1E

  7. Steve – “What am I, Michael Barrymore?”

    Dunno, got a swimming pool?

    But I expect Da Sistas in the Guardian are fine with the sexual preferences of non-White males. Celebrate them even. I dare say they may even, from time to time, dream of a day when a virile bearded Islamist slaughters their husband and drags them to his harem.

    It must be the only explanation for abominations like this:

    http://theothermccain.com/2014/04/17/shocking-brandeis-feminist-faculty-led-petition-against-aayan-hirsi-ali/

    “Seeing those confident, empowered young women posing innocently as if they were in the Garden of Eden makes me say ‘hallelujah!’”

    How beautiful are thy steps in sandals, O prince’s daughter! The roundings of thy thighs are like the links of a chain, the work of the hands of a skilled workman.
    Thy navel is like a round goblet, wherein no mingled wine is wanting; thy belly is like a heap of wheat set about with lilies.
    Thy two breasts are like two fawns that are twins of a gazelle.
    Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes as the pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath-rabbim; thy nose is like the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus.
    Thy head upon thee is like Carmel, and the hair of thy head like purple; the king is held captive in the tresses thereof.
    How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
    This thy stature is like to a palm-tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.
    I said: ‘I will climb up into the palm-tree, I will take hold of the branches thereof; and let thy breasts be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy countenance like apples;
    And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine, that glideth down smoothly for my beloved, moving gently the lips of those that are asleep.’

    Not really applicable to British girls though. Not even in the days before they decided they wanted to be drunken trollops.

  8. Is this “talk openly” about sex or is it “have a conversation…”

    ‘Cos if it’s the latter, I’m outta here.

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