This is what happens when the anal retentives gain power

Office “cake culture” in which staff bring in treats for birthdays and celebrations is becoming a daily health hazard and should be stopped, experts have advised.

Horrors, eh? Someone might enjoy themselves with a sweetie and a bit of human contact through gift giving. Haven’t they ever read Polanyi?

Can’t have that, ban it!

There’s a certain hankering for the old days really. Even for the times that some chinless wonder on a horse rode up to take all the young men away to kill the Frenchies. Even that was better than this, wasn’t it?

34 comments on “This is what happens when the anal retentives gain power

  1. Why are dentists complaining about poor oral health anyway?

    If we all ate carrots, they’d have to get jobs down t’pit instead, wouldn’t they?

  2. “Tam Fry, from the National Obesity Forum, said: “Such food is neither a treat nor a reward.

    “You may not know who in the office is secretly dieting in which case they won’t appreciate your gesture: if you do know, you’re plainly malicious.

    “If you want to give them anything, give them a smile, a hug or both!”

    I know what I’d like to give Tam Fry….

  3. “Haven’t they ever read Polanyi?”

    I haven’t. I once glanced at one of his works 30+ years ago, when he was quite popular with non-marxist leftists and utopian socialists. It seemed to be anti-market rhetoric based on the highly questionable assumption that pre-modern humans exchanged gifts rather than trading. I think that there are probably more plausible interpretations of the office cake ritual than as a gift economy. Or am I missing something?

  4. By the way, there is little or no evidence linking anal stage conflicts with “anal” personality types. It’s unempirical pop psychology, derived from Sigmund Fraud (sic).

  5. I am speechless. I can only suggest we turn over this problem to the only person suited to finding a solution.

    Paging Mr Ecks!

  6. People who lie awake at night, unable to sleep for fear someone, somewhere, is being nice.

  7. A Purge of cake-bashers eh!

    Why not?

    Apart from it being too small a sideshow. ALL of the pseudo-puritan middle class left must be broken not just the marzipan-fighting fringe.

  8. With luck this will be a bridge too far for the health fascists. Previously they’ve been able to tap into fashionable anti-capitalism by bleating about how the corporations have made us all fat.

    But a lot of people like to bake – if the little creeps start attacking them as well then perhaps it will dawn on more people what authoritarians they actually are.

    Alternatively we’ll just go on pretending that turds like Tam Fry have some sort of right to tell us all how to live our lives.

  9. missing a ‘c’ before all you pendants leap on me. Saw as I hit the button.

    I’m a man, I can’t multi-task. 🙂

  10. I have my own way of dealing with this problem:

    “Its my birthday, would you like a piece of cake?”

    “No thank you, I’m trying to lose a bit of weight.”

    Having said that I’d ban the practice in my business if I had one because from my experience its and excuse for the lazy to stand around doing fuck all while they stuff their faces.

  11. I’ve never been a fan of sweet stuff. A colleague would always bring me a Cornish pasty on her birthday while everyone else got cake. That was a nice touch.

    It’s really not hard to tell someone you don’t like/want cake.


  12. In recent years, it has become popular for workers to offer birthday cake to colleagues or bring back sugary gifts from their holidays.

    Recent years? It’s been going on at least the 20 years I’ve been working.

  13. If there’s to be an embargo on pastry, what’s to happen to all that carbon-capturing baking soda?

  14. Pingback: Let Them Eat Cake – Longrider

  15. “In recent years, it has become popular for workers to offer birthday cake to colleagues or bring back sugary gifts from their holidays.”

    Not…sugary gifts!!! Noooo…

    It appears that what passes for an establishment these days is in the grip of a severe mental illness.

    Anyway, do you think Tam Fry is tormented by having such an unhealthy surname? It would explain a great deal.

  16. Isn’t there some way we can direct these cunts at the real source of the obesity epidemic? A source that would benefit us all by its complete and utter destruction:

    The BBC.

  17. Pingback: Spot the Difference | White Sun of the Desert

  18. Has anyone checked with Murphy what the tax implications are? I mean, I assume these cakes are taxable benefits in kind or something?

  19. > “You may not know who in the office is secretly dieting…”

    The presence of tits is a sure-fire indicator. A woman of working age is, on any given day, more likely to be on a diet than not.

  20. “If you want to give them anything, give them a smile, a hug or both!”“

    INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING!!!! ARRGH!!!

  21. The case for the airlifting of people like ‘Tam Fry’ to Eastern Syria grows daily stronger. My guess is she would be quite at home in the ‘Hisbah’ operating in areas controlled by IS. At the very least if there is any government funding being given to the media arm of this organisation it needs to be stopped – now.

  22. “Its my birthday, would you like a piece of cake?”

    “No thank you, I have diabetes and it will kill me.”

  23. The best solution is something along these lines: video Tan Fry being beaten to death, post it on YouTube and add the message: “next health fascist that pipes up gets the same.” It’s a bit more extreme than yer average Ecksian remedy, but desperate times call for desperate measures. It’s the only language these people understand.

  24. That’s a cracking idea and wouldn’t it be good to see a tobacco control freak in a snuff movie?

  25. Gamecock,

    ‘“Its my birthday, would you like a piece of cake?”

    “No thank you, I have diabetes and it will kill me.”’

    “I know that but it’s my birthday and I’ve saved you this big corner piece with all the marzipan and icing on it”

    Never underestimate the motives of your co-workers.

  26. Yeah, what is with this “in recent years” bollocks? My mother told me that I would have to take cakes into the office on my birthday “as it’s what happens in banks” when I started work, and she hadn’t worked in a bank for at least 10 years by then.

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