Soapy Joe to launch new political party

Standing against Her Godnessness in Maidenhead perhaps.

Pity he doesn’t do it actually.

So we throw a party. A joyous, optimistic thing. Not political. Celebrating unity. 28 days long, each day ‘hosted’ (food, drink costume) by one of the member states. We have bands, and comedians, and writers, and thinkers, and artists, and designers.

And to deliver focus, and urgency, and to frame the contrast with the nation at large, and to make the party a national event, we stand a candidate (Jo Maugham QC) in Maidenhead against Theresa May. Jo has a good national media profile as a campaigner against tax avoidance and on Brexit.

Because the entire costs of the 28 days of parties come out of his allowable election expenses.

Why is that these clever people who think they can plan national life can’t in fact plan their way out of a wet paper bag?

32 comments on “Soapy Joe to launch new political party

  1. “We have bands, and comedians, and writers, and thinkers, and artists, and designers.”

    No-one who actually produces anything (worth spending money on) then.

  2. Why is that these clever people who think they can plan national life can’t in fact plan their way out of a wet paper bag?

    As the great Mr Ecks would say – Cultural marxism has a lot to answer for…..

  3. He was bound to start tilting at windmills sooner or later.

    El Tubérculo could support in the role of Sancho Panza or, better still, Rocinante!

  4. Soapy Jo needs to be tried for treason, sedition ( to and against both the UK and the cause of freedom), convicted and hanged.

    Then comes the 28 day party.

  5. ‘Why is that these clever people who think they can plan national life’

    Because they face no consequences if they get it wrong.*

    *They can’t get it wrong, because they define what is good and bad. And the legacy press will back them up. What fun it is to spend other people’s money!

  6. each day ‘hosted’ (food, drink costume) by one of the member states.

    Ireland – A potato, served by a surly bald man called Dara who also looks like a potato.

    France – Le bombe surprise.

    Germany – Self-loathing and Kant.

    Belgium – A tall, frosty glass of piss.

    Romania – BEEG ESSUE?

    Sweden – A smorgasboard of rape.

    Italy – Pasta accompanied by softcore porn.

    Spain – Benidormian egg and chips.

    Greece – “please send food”

  7. I used to live in Maidenhead. The town centre is a tiny chavvy shit hole and he won’t meet the wealthy remainers there. If SoapyJ wants to burn money having parties every day in the town, good luck to him. I’ll just draw a dick over his name on my non-resident ballot.

  8. He has apparently already announced his withdrawal – shortest electoral push in history. His poor lady wife.

  9. This means he’s left the Labour Party then? Surely speculating on setting up a rival party is against party rules?

  10. “Theresa May has an enormous majority. And is a relatively popular local MP. Nationally she is divisive.”

    Divisive? Which opinion poll have you been following Jolyon?

  11. The EU already has a daily festival – £19million of farm subsidies per day from UK taxpayers. Jolyon’s aborted bash around European capitals ( because it is always capitals ) can’t compete with the budget for that.

  12. @Ironman

    “Divisive? Which opinion poll have you been following Jolyon?”

    Well, only just over 60% want her to be PM. That’s a majority of 40% don’t want her, according to my Remainian* maths book.

    *In the interests of fairness and equality of opportunity, all minority opinions must be imposed on the majority in cases such as these. It’s a central tenet of Remanian maths. To claim otherwise would be an admission of your own privilege.

  13. John Square – you are unfairly failing to count the opinions of everyone under 18 (and possibly unborn foetuses) on May. These are certainly in favour of the status quo of remaining in the EU that we’ve been part of for the past 750 years, that well-established constitution that May threatens to tear up.
    © A.C. Grayling

  14. TMB

    “El Tubérculo could support in the role of Sancho Panza or, better still, Rocinante!”

    You are forgetting that El Tubérculo doesn’t do supporting roles: he has to be centre stage.

    And, remember, Don Quixote is now not PC because it mocks someone who is mentally ill, so the insufferable El Tubérculo could turn down the roles of helpmeet or nag and still claim the moral high ground.

  15. Maybe they could get Tim Farron to organise the entertainment… couple of rousing hymns and a demonstration of how to change the carburetor on a Landrover Discovery followed by manly handshakes all round. No baby oil, no poppers. Definitely no tongues: http://bit.ly/2qdnSBI

  16. Theo: Dang! You’re absolutely right.

    As it happens, events have overtaken us and the Jolyon of Tax (is there a book title there?) seems to have called off his party. I suspect that “Spring” was channeling Macron’s slogan En Marche enhanced by our learned friend because “Marche” is so last month and “Mai” is utterly unconscionable!

  17. “We have bands, and comedians, and writers, and thinkers, and artists, and designers.”

    The title to this post needs fixing:

    Soapy Joe to launch “B” Ark

    There.

    You’re welcome.

  18. This has all the hallmarks of an idea that sounded brilliant after a suitable number of bottles of wine.

  19. “Jim

    This has all the hallmarks of an idea that sounded brilliant after a suitable number of bottles of wine”

    Made from free-range organic grapes from an exclusive little vineyard no-one else knows about and served in gorgeous hand made wine glasses from this lovely little shop in Brighton that no-one else knows about and which goes really well with these amazing free-range organic hand-knitted free-trade olives from a farm in Greece which absolutely no-one else knows about.

  20. Jim

    This has all the hallmarks of an idea that sounded brilliant after a suitable number of bottles of wine.

    They’re the bestest ideas..

  21. If Jolyon loses, and Uber is granted costs, can’t Uber then recoup its costs from everyone who contributed to the initial funding? I seem to remember a case on that a few years ago.

    If so, shouldn’t he have warned funders of their potential open-ended liability?

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