The BBC has long invested in a brand of childhood made up of sticky-backed plastic and papier mache. The idea is that if television, like culture in general, makes us better people, the business of self-improvement should begin nice and early. But it is also reinvesting in Britishness at the precise moment when the product is starting to look suspect; with the new, forward-thinking CBBC, the kids will be seduced from the American channels, turned homewards and kept where we can see them.
We don’t like our children very much so w’ll let them be brought up by the TV – Yikes, have you seen the price of nannies these days? – but make sure they’re indoctrinated properlyu rather than watching anything by the septics.