Make me a professor of practice in medicine please

For I have a new theory, one uncoloured by any knowledge, theory or even sense, but it is mine and candidly there must be a technical college out there who would pay me as a senior lecturer to tell everyone that I’m a professor.

People who drink alcohol every day are less likely to get dementia, according to a new study

That theory being that there’s a certain amount of befuddlement in every life. Those who don’t get their ration after 8 pm every night from the sauce get it as a block in their golden years.

A professorship please. Don’t worry, I’ll not do something so gauche as teach anyone. I shall just apply for more grants.

16 comments on “Make me a professor of practice in medicine please

  1. good typo there (after the one from County to country)

    “Heavy drinking is defined…. as three drinks for women and four for me”

  2. It grieves me to say this but although there are unfathomable wellsprings of bunce to be had in this sector, all of it is lavished on the other side of the argument.

    People who drink alcohol every day are less likely to get dementia, according to a new study which has been slammed by health experts internationally and critiqued as one-sided and unhelpful.

    …is a safer bet for launching your professorial career.

  3. Just a thought. Maybe people who have been able to easily afford 3-4 drinks per day are less susceptible than those who haven’t?

  4. A study I undertook showed not a single person has ever died while wearing a live ferret as a hat and holding a banana in each hand.

    Clearly holding a banana in each hand and wearing a live ferret as a hat is the secret of immortality.

  5. A Miliband held a banana in one hand. His political career was dead soon after.
    Hey Mr Taliman…

  6. ‘Half a bottle* a day, keeps the doctor away’ is my maxim.

    *of decent wine, obviously

  7. “People who drink alcohol every day are less likely to get dementia…” They will just act like they have it. Boom-boom!

  8. OT

    @Timmy Elsewhere

    https://www.forbes.com/sites/timworstall/2017/08/04/that-irish-problem-with-brexit-is-a-tough-one-without-a-real-solution-either/#57bb21029394

    …But just about no one at all in Ireland wants to go back to the bad old days of there being a hard border between Eire and those 6 counties in the UK. It’s also true that even in those days of the Troubles the border was incredibly porous. It never really did function well as an economic border…

    Correct. There has never been a hard/proper NI/RoI border (unlike Gib/Spain; Korea).

    …The Northern Ireland and Eire border is indeed a Brexit problem. The likely best solution is to just declare it solved and turn a blind eye to low level violations of the rules…

    Not really, it’s an EU problem. GB & NI are not proposing any border controls. RoI has do what EU decrees

    However, NI & RoI people are pragmatic and, as you say, will mostly ignore EU border laws.

  9. @Morpork

    Precisely what my wife said when I mentioned this news item to her (whilst holding my 4th beer of the day in my hand). 🙂

  10. People self medicate without scientific proofs all the time, you only have to look at the organisms that people have cultivated over the generations and the ones that have piggy backed on civilisation and have not been actively persecuted to see what ‘best fits’.

    Perhaps people with very early onset dementia (post puberty) drink because, inside of themselves, their bodies crave mitigating chemicals.

    It can be noted that the treatments provided by pharma for (discernible) dementia include poisons of origins actively persecuted by people over time, they appear to be promoting ‘quack’ medicine.

  11. “Heavy drinking is defined…. as three drinks for women and four for me”

    I think it was Dylan Thomas who said an alcoholic was someone you didn’t like that drank more than you did

  12. @ BiG
    An alcoholic is someone who drinks for the alcohol content not the taste. Someone who habitually drinks 8 pints of good ale but would spend the evening drinking water or lemonade in preference to Foster’s (or sweet cider or Boubon or Babycham or Austrian wine) is not an alcoholic.

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