Umm?

Police in Germany were relieved when a call about a potential unexploded Second World War bomb turned out to actually be a monster courgette.

A worried 81-year-old called police when he spotted the 16inch (40cm) vegetable- also known as a zucchini – in his garden.

Police rushed to the scene in Bretten, near the southwestern city of Karlsruhe, and quickly established it was nothing to be afraid of.

Officers who responded to the callout said the summer squash “really did look very like a bomb”.

The offending vegetable, which was very dark in colour, weighed about 11lb (5kg). Police believe someone threw it over a hedge into the garden.

Very like a bomb?

26 comments on “Umm?

  1. I doubt we could afford to drop giant marrows on them now. Sprinkle a few sprouts would be our limit these days.

  2. Steve – anyone who can bomb the Dresden Militärhistorisches Museum der Bundeswehr is doing the Germans and the world a favour.

  3. If it had been a bomb, built in the factory that later went on to produce Austin Allegros, surely it would have been painted in that shitty beige, and instead of going ‘boom’ it would have gone ‘vroom’!

  4. If we bomb it again, this time I suggest we try to miss the Frauenkirche. In fact most of the centre of the city is lovely. Totally reconciles to me to the ruling Wettin family.

    And it is also surprisingly cheap. Although anywhere is cheap if you are used to London.

    On the other hand they have looked at the wonderful baroque architecture the Royals gave them and have decided to do a Edinburgh. Dresden not only has far too much awful Communist housing – mercifully in the suburbs – but since then we have unleashed Norman Foster and others to “improve” their city with hideous monstrosities.

    Indeed I would think that the new synagogue is proof that the Germans still really hate Jews.

  5. Just googled ‘Dresden synagogue’. I actually quite like it, but think the design would be better suited for the mausoleum of a sinister tyrant, or perhaps as the HQ for the Ministry of Internal Stability….

  6. Ah. He’s probably been reading Jasper Fforde’s ‘The Fourth Bear’. Specially bred giant marrows explosively destruct… which in turn is a twist on J. Swift’s distillation of sunlight from cucumbers.

  7. Looks like a zombie aubergine to me.

    A friend of ours was clearing out his garden shed and found a Kraut incendiary bomb. He assumes that the previous house owner found it in his veg patch and just bunged it in the shed, as you do.

  8. @Witchie
    An Austin Allegro wouldn’t go vroom if you put 20,000 volts through it, not even if it was painted Norwegian Blue.

  9. Pendant aler.

    You don’t put volts through anything, you put them across it. Electrons would then flow through it, measured on amps.

  10. If he’s 81, he was born in 1936 so was nine at the end of the war. You’d think he would have a nodding acquaintance with what an actual bomb looks like. It certainly doesn’t look anything like the stuff the RAF dropped.

  11. @BiCR
    If he had a nodding acquaintance with wartime munitions, he might think it was a shell. There would have been a lot of AAA going up over Karlsruhe. And not all that goes up goes off.
    Where I used to live in France, every time they ploughed the fields they’d turn up the relics of two wars. The nose cones of shells with the timing setting rings were favourite. The iron & brass have scrap value. Human body parts less popular. Best ploughed back in before anyone notices.

  12. Courgette – also known as a zucchini – are foul slimy things, along with mangoes & sweet potatoes, only fit for livestock consumption.

    That said, it looks nothing like a bomb – if anything more like a turd.

  13. How can you expect an 81 year old civilian to know what a bomb looked like. I was born in 1935 and we only saw bits of bombs -they usually explode or burn.
    I had a fine shrapnel collection till my mother threw it out. Never thought of trying to fit the bits all together though.

  14. @john malpas, November 4, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    How can you expect an 81 year old civilian to know what a bomb looked like.

    She’s never watched movies, drama, documentaries, news or read newspapers, books [photos]… ???

    An Amish enclave in Merkel’s RoP rapefugee haven? She needs to learn fast.

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