The very simple solution to the Irish Brexit problem. We all lie through our teeth

A Mr. Murphy opines:

The result is, though, that at present it is very hard to see what progress there can now be on any talks with the EU. Liam Fox says we will leave the customs union and single market, as a matter of fact. And as a matter of fact that requires a hard border between the Republic and Northern Ireland.

But as a matter of fact the DUP says it will not have that border.

And in reality it is perfectly obvious that such a border is not deliverable. Three hundred road crossings and the lack of any physical sign of where the border might be along most of its length makes that obvious.

Just as it is obvious that the DUP demand that Northern Ireland have no special status different from the rest of the UK is in any way consistent with the demand for no border with the Republic.

These are, to be blunt, issues that cannot be resolved by any amount of negotiation. There is no such thing as a non-border when the whole point of Brexit was that there should be one. And yet there is no way there can be a hard border. And there is no way there can be the arrangement the DUP demands.

And nor is there any way that border controls on flights and ferry crossings between the North and the rest of the UK cannot happen in future if there is no border between the Republic and the North, as the DUP demand. Like it or not that’s because without controls between the North and the rest of the UK in that situation there would be no border for migration between the EU and the UK. In other words the DUP simply cannot say borders are unacceptable anywhere and leave Brexit in any sense meaningful in the eyes of all those who voted for it because they thought migration the issue it was meant to control.

What this means is that, like it or not, the Irish question is now at the core of the Brexit debate. And nor can it be deferred. No trade deal overcomes it, most especially if the UK is adamant about leaving the customs union and single market. Any such departure leaves both the Republic and the DUP in impossible situations. And that leaves not just the UK government in an impossible situation, but also without a majority since it is dependent upon the DUP for that. It leaves us, then, without a government at all.

As a result the fact is that the 2016 Brexit vote may have been as significant an issue for Ireland and the rest of the UK as the 1916 rising, one hundred years earlier. And in both cases, and just a few years later, a solution to a border issue has to be found or the consequences will, I fear, be very long lasting indeed.

The solution is simplicity itself.

Lie.

The big lie, truly monstrous.

Sure and now isn’t that a hard border? Can’t yez see the signs insisting that if you cross it you must check in with the nearest constabulary or you’re being a very bad boy indeed? And why wouldn’t that be enough for yez? And sure we’ll do some checks on the gombeen men as well.

And then tell everyone else to fuck off, right royally.

48 comments on “The very simple solution to the Irish Brexit problem. We all lie through our teeth

  1. Declare unilateral free trade with the EU. If the Irish / EU government want to put up customs posts on their side, that’s all cool with us.

    Then sit back, pop a beer and grab some popcorn as the Irish realise their problem was the EU all along 🙂

    Chances are, about the time this happens there will be another Euro crisis. The Irish might begin to wonder why they bother to stay now that they are doing the net transfers….

  2. Immigration from outside the EU is already handled by the Common Travel Area with Ireland, which left would-be migrants camped at Calais rather than Dundalk.
    Immigration from the EU isn’t the issue either(*); Trade/Customs is the issue.
    * If EU citizens want to get into England they will fly into Gatwick. If they want to play tourist everyone will be happy. If they want a job / benefits / NHS then their problems will start.

  3. The Irish might begin to wonder why they bother to stay now that they are doing the net transfers….

    I dunno, but reckon, the glory days of Ireland hoovering up branch offices for US multinationals are long gone and ain’t coming back now that the EU taxman’s Eye of Sauron is apon them.

    And, of course, they’re already a net contributor to the EU.

    And they saw how they were treated after the financial crisis, being good Europeans didn’t even earn them a spot of lube.

    So the EU is just an identity play. There’s no actual benefit to it unless you’re on the Euro gravy train. But the EU – in the retarded, topsy-turvy symbology of clownworld – represents “modern”, and “tolerant” and “progressive”, and that holds a powerful appeal to ignorant, superstitious people who worship Progress.

    Ireland recently elected a homosexual Hindoo to be its Teapot, so the power of identity plays can’t be dismissed.

    But you can’t eat Progress, so sooner or later Paddy’s going to have to confront reality.

  4. Hardly wort saying is it you never stop lying
    Turkey is joining
    millions of Syrians are storming our way
    £350m pr week for the NHS

    …and latterly I am enjoying the Stalinist revision of history before the ink js dry on the first version

    “The fucking immigrants are giving us aids send them all home and be RICH ….in an exercise that shows what a tolerant open and forward looking country this is which voted along constitutional lines and understood it would be poor …”

  5. I am perfectly fine with a hard border. I suggest compulsory purchase of all land within 500 metres of the border. A barbed wire fence running along in the inner side and everything else in the border zone to be cleared. Watch towers at regular intervals.

    Then the government can declare a 10 km exclusion zone where you would need a special permit to even be in the area.

    The Republic of Ireland gave weapons and money to the PIRA and continues to serve as a safe haven. So f**k them. With a coconut. Sideways. The only better solution would be pushing anyone who voted for Sinn Fein over the border as well, never to return.

  6. @SMFS,

    And once Jeremy Corbyn is PM there will be orders to shoot to kill anyone crossing it. Into the Republic.

  7. Along with Rupert (1st comment) worrying about smuggling of people or good from Ireland to Northern Ireland doesn’t make it into my top 100 problems. Oh no, implicit free trade.

    The UK has already said there will be no border on our side, the Irish seem to think that them building a wall on their side is our fault. Maybe they have been inspired by Trump and his plan that Mexico pay for his wall.

  8. ‘BELFAST (Reuters) – The head of the Democratic Unionist Party said on Monday Northern Ireland would leave the EU on the same terms as the rest of the United Kingdom, rebuffing a suggestion from the bloc that the region remain subject to some of its rules.’

    There appears to be no conflict.

    ‘Brussels has said it will not move to the second phase of Brexit talks with Britain until London provides additional detail of how it will guarantee that there be no hard border between Ireland and Northern Ireland.’

    Where upon the diplomats slam shut their portfolios and leave. The time for “negotiations” is over. I told you all two years ago that negotiations was a fools errand.

    ‘There is no such thing as a non-border when the whole point of Brexit was that there should be one.’

    Yes, the ballot read, “Do you want a hard border between NI and Ireland?”

    ‘And yet there is no way there can be a hard border.’

    My, what limited capacity his brain has. A few men with guns and hand painted signs will suffice. A 20 year Peugeot parked across the road will make a suitable gate.

  9. Before Shenghen, there were customs posts between France, Belgium, Germany, Spain etc. Cars and small vans just drove straight through. Only the large vans and container trucks were actually stopped. It seemed to work.

  10. Turkey is joining

    It’s not. Erdogan is rather reliably anti-EU and wants to move in the precise opposite direction. Indeed, it was idiotic reforms that the EU insisted Turkey make that paved the way for Erdogan to take over, and ensure nobody can unseat him.

  11. Violet Elizabeth NewRemainia must have overdosed on the meds this morning. He/she/it is even more incoherent than usual.

  12. TN I think that Newmaniac is now claiming that the referendum vote was influenced by fears of Turkey joining the EU. He is from the Clinton school of delusion. Perhaps it was Russian tweets about Turkey joining the EU that swung it

  13. On the video, Snippa looks as if he has been rubbing his forehead on a Brillo pad. Is there a name for this affliction?

  14. The UK isn’t going to erect a border. If Ireland does then it’s Ireland who is in breach of The Good Friday Agreement, right?

    That’s a circle for the EU and Ireland to square. The UK might have caused it but it’s not our problem.

    Maybe if they started being polite we might be inclined to help out.

  15. We all know this treacherous cunt wants to stop Brexit and will clasp at any straws. We also know that it keeps on threatening to move to the continent, but is so used to living on the grant aided gravy train, that he can’t imagine working for a living. And whats the biggest gravy train in existence ? – the EU. So Murphy thinks that if he keeps sucking barniers cock then perhaps he can get some sinecure (apart from the funding of his crappy technical college course) in the land of milk and honey (brussells)
    To us he looks like an overscrubbed potato who would have difficulty outwitting the worlds most stupidest person, but beneath the red skinned visage lurks a venal areshole well tuned to sucking funds from the gullible.

  16. My experience of the Irish is that they are very sweary and it is practically a requirement of any conversation at any level to punctuate it liberally with “feck” and “fecking” to assist understanding

  17. moqifen, a question for botanists is: how does an overscrubbed potato obtain the slightest degree of sentience?

  18. moq and Henry

    I’m not a farmer, but I guess the redness on Murphy’s skin must be some sort of blight. Probably nothing a good dose of Agent Orange could not eradicate.

  19. @Tim Newman

    Yup, the EU insisted that the Turkish deep state back off from duffing up the extremists in the name of freedom of religion etc. Erdogan was really with the EU then, but now that he has the whip hand, he intends to duff up all his enemies and the EU will wring its hands and wonder why this happened. It’s very similar to the EU’s handling of Ukraine.

  20. Surely the obvious solution is to end a hundred years of silly bogtrotting nonsense and reabsorb the 26 counties of Southern Ireland back into the UK where they belong. They’ve had their fun; now it’s time to act like grown-ups.

  21. @Ken – if you scrub your face with a brillo pad so that you look like like a red potato rather than a white potato you can evade the charge of “white privilege” – either that or he was so excited he was about “to blow” -( You can borrow my mind bleach if you like).

  22. Newremainiac–busy today but still in time to call you for the vile treasonous cunt you are.

    As for the Irish question –the lying BBC shite were banging the same bullshit drum on the radio at dinnertime.

    All nonsense.

    Leave the border as is. Unless the Irish are going to start trying to truck in shitloads of our beardie foes–in which case we act against that problem with a real “shoot to kill” policy.

    That’s it. The rest is Remainiac trash trying to create a song and dance about nowt as usual.

  23. Moqifen

    ‘We all know this treacherous cunt wants to stop Brexit and will clasp at any straws. We also know that it keeps on threatening to move to the continent, but is so used to living on the grant aided gravy train, that he can’t imagine working for a living. And whats the biggest gravy train in existence ? – the EU.’

    Just genius – how true is that paragraph?

  24. Surely the obvious solution is to end a hundred years of silly bogtrotting nonsense and reabsorb the 26 counties of Southern Ireland back into the UK where they belong. They’ve had their fun; now it’s time to act like grown-ups.

    Back in 1922, were there many Irish saying: “But why should we leave our largest trading partner?” “What are the economic implications?” “Is it too late to change our minds?”

  25. “Back in 1922, were there many Irish saying: “But why should we leave our largest trading partner?” “What are the economic implications?” “Is it too late to change our minds?”

  26. Oh yeah, make a comment….
    There must have been a few, hence Northern Ireland and the Republic being two separate entities.

  27. @van patten – it’s truer than his economic pronouncements – who wouldn’t want to be on the eu gravy train?(i could live with the shame of being a useless parasite at the rates they pay)- I studied economics many years ago – my knowledge and memory is hazy at best – perhaps i should apply – at least i love my belgian beers – no wife beater for me.

  28. i’d like to amend last posting. i do not in any way suggest that murphy beat his wife – just that he is so boring he’d order lager whilst in belgium.(he still remains a cunt) On third thoughts he probably drinks Guinness whilst smoozing the eu to buff up his Oirish credentials- wonder if he starts singing Danny boy when he’s pissed.

  29. ‘no move … until London provides additional detail of how it will guarantee that there be no hard border between Ireland and Northern Ireland.’

    By continuing the 1923 Common Travel Area. Case closed. Pack bags. Go home.

  30. Back in 1922, were there many Irish saying: “But why should we leave our largest trading partner?” “What are the economic implications?” “Is it too late to change our minds?

    Interesting to remember that there have always been Irish nationalists, but it wasn’t always a mainstream position – even in 1916, when the Easter Rising rebels were jeered and pelted with rubbish by irate Dubliners.

    History is usually made by the extremist minority though, and it’s easy to forget that what seems outre today might be orthodox tomorrow. Not too long ago, they were all laughing at silly Eurosceptics such as Jimmy Goldsmith and Nigel Farage.

  31. @Diogenes, November 27, 2017 at 2:55 pm

    On the video, Snippa looks as if he has been rubbing his forehead on a Brillo pad. Is there a name for this affliction?

    Tom Sharpe Cheese Grater Affliction

  32. @Robert the Biker
    Certainly there were those opposed to Irish independence. But I don’t think economic arguments weighed heavily on either side,

  33. My reading of the Irish border issue from afar seems to be:

    Ireland: “We can’t have a hard border.”
    UK: “No problems, we won’t put one up.”
    Ireland: “But the EU is saying that we have to have one.”
    UK: “Oh, how is that our problem?”
    Ireland: “You have to pay for it.”
    Folk who constantly take the piss out of Trump’s suggestion of a border wall with Mexico paying for it: “Yes, we will definitely have to pay for the border wall; this is all the fault of Brexit”.

    What I haven’t seen mentioned is the obvious and most sensible solution to the whole border issue: Irexit!

  34. “Surely the obvious solution is to end a hundred years of silly bogtrotting nonsense and reabsorb the 26 counties of Southern Ireland back into the UK where they belong. They’ve had their fun; now it’s time to act like grown-ups.”

    Considering that all the aims like reviving the Irish language and a catholic state have largely failed, might as well. Other than abortion, what’s the difference? They’re English speaking neoliberals. They’d probably fit in better with England than Scotland does.

  35. How, I wonder does Switzerland manage to avoid this problem?

    Not an EU member. Yet no fenced border. There’s heaps of crossings which are unmanned, and you can just stroll over in lots of places anyway, since in may parts the border is barely even marked.

    If the Swiss can manage it, I dare say the UK can.

  36. Oh, and for the record, there are customs duties both ways, at least from France to Switzerland.

    If you want to evade the customs duty getting your cheap foodstuffs at the hypermarché in France, then negotiating the backroads around Geneva one of the numerous unmanned border crossings then while duty is due it is seldom paid, except by the poor unfortunates who get pulled over occasionally pour encourager les autres into spending their hard earned Swiss Francs in the Geneva branch of Migros.

    Just make sure you repack them into Swiss bags (or better still anonymous plastic box carriers) so you don’t get grassed up by your more law abiding neighbours.

  37. “Surely the obvious solution is to end a hundred years of silly bogtrotting nonsense and reabsorb the 26 counties of Southern Ireland back into the UK where they belong.”

    But the goal of the EU is to absorb all into a single state.

    Irish mores – “Considering that all the aims like reviving the Irish language and a catholic state have largely failed, might as well. Other than abortion, what’s the difference? They’re English speaking neoliberals. They’d probably fit in better with England than Scotland does.” –
    are to be crushed by the EU as well. EU will succeed by turning up the kettle more slowly?

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