Those who work in Parliament seem to be near asexual

Staff working in Parliament tried to access online pornography once every nine minutes in the last couple of months, despite a crackdown on inappropriate sexual behaviour, new figures show.

More than 24,000 attempts were made to get onto adult websites from inside the Parliamentary estate – around 160 requests per day – although most were blocked.

Users on the Parliamentary network, including MPs, peers, staff and contractors, used their devices to try and connect to banned content almost 25,000 times in just four months.

How big’s the staff? Not less than 3,000 certainly. So, 5% try to access porn on any one day?

Pitiful, ball-less wonders, clearly.

22 comments on “Those who work in Parliament seem to be near asexual

  1. As if anyone needs to use a work network these days with generous data allowances on smartphones.

  2. As with any statistic emanating from a pressure group (and yes, the Press Association counts), I’d want to see their definition of ‘porn’.

  3. JuliaM: It probably includes all the images in the sidebar of the Sun that have ‘topless’ in the filename.

    I’m assuming the rest of it is reporters having their tablets load up stuff in the background from the femdom crush fetish porn they had forgotten they were looking at in the morning after breakfast.

  4. It’s a flat out lie. Once you know porn is blocked, you don’t keep looking for it. This is just about websites with dodgy ads and an over-sensitive porn filter.

  5. Further to Matthew’s point, you’d have to be a moron to use the work network.

    So that narrows it down to MPs. peers and the meedja.

  6. Since most of what goes on in Westmonster is entirely destructive I wish they’d spend all their time looking at porn and leave the rest of us in peace.

  7. I would imagine that the low numbers just mean those in Parliament use entirely different masturbatory stimulus material from normal people. For, that they are a bunch of wankers, is a known fact.

  8. Around 70% use a simple proxy solution to access what they want including torrent sites.

    Most of the rest will use their mobiles and accept a downgraded experience.

    Makers you wonder what jobs the ignorant 5% have who have been caught actually do.

  9. Well fair is fair. We should know their names. If Damien Green is going to be fired for this, then they all should be. At least they should be asked and then fired if they make a technical slip up.

    Mind you, I expect it will gut the Tories. The Labour Party presumably only uses the internet to whack off to pictures of Soviet soldiers goosestepping through Red Square. Most people would not think of that as porn and it would not get flagged. The Lib-Dems probably only watch sheep sh!tting on wind-swept Welsh hillsides. Although I find it hard to believe any of the current “Conservative” party is even remotely interested in having sex with real human beings. On the other hand, compared to the rest, they look like Arnie in Commando on steroids.

  10. Over-active filters sounds more likely, in which case our MPs are not just asexual, they’re probably actually eunuchs.

    I’ve found this site blocked as “inappropriate” by some wi-fi networks, presumably either because Tim gets a bit sweary sometimes or perhaps because of the discussions of the economics of prostitution.

  11. Did the *staff* try to access the porn sites, or did the *computers* try to access the porn sites? Whenever I go to The Guardian I end up with all sorts of rubbish in my cache that ***I*** did not fetch.

  12. What Matthew said.

    We used to have a problem with people surfing for pr0n on the corporate network about 10 years ago. Mostly it was a good excuse to sack deadwood, but occasionally some really sick people got caught looking at illegal stuff.

    Nowadays even creepy middle aged slot badgers have their own devices.

  13. ‘Users on the Parliamentary network, including MPs, peers, staff and contractors, used their devices to try and connect to banned content’

    I see what they did there. They don’t actually know who.

    But wait. Shouldn’t an MP have the authority to look anydamnwhere they want to?

  14. Richard.

    It’s what ToR was designed for – getting round self appointed censors.

  15. > Shouldn’t an MP have the authority to look anydamnwhere they want to?

    Nope. If they want to impose internet filters on the rest of the country, they have to suffer them themselves first for at least one full Parliamentary term.

    > I’ve found this site blocked as “inappropriate” by some wi-fi networks

    Tim Newman’s site was blocked in my last place. Weird, as they didn’t block much stuff.

  16. The headline on this in the Times is “Porn Requests in Parliament Peak After Election”

    Shouldn’t that be the other way round?

    Oh, sorry, “eLection”.

  17. @Bloke in North Dorset.

    Blogland is full of self appointed censors who want to take freedom of speech onto the next level and introduce restrictions on freedom to read…whilst at the same time defend freedom of speech in ludicrous bastardised versions of it

    Tor isnt needed at all to bypass censors, nor is paying for a service either.

  18. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/website-where-users-rate-mps-on-their-sexiness-was-the-most-viewed-banned-site-in-parliament-last-10356624.html

    But a spokesman also said: “All pornographic websites are blocked by parliament’s computer network. The vast majority of attempts to access them are not deliberate. The data shows requests to access websites, not visits to them.

    There are 8,500 computers on the parliamentary network, which are used by MPs, peers, their staff and staff of both Houses. This data also covers personal devices used when logged-on to parliament’s guest wifi.”

  19. try and connect to banned content

    Content. Starts off as porn, becomes “ banned content”.

    We are becoming a society which can be manipulated into hysteria by cunning liars over absolutely nothing.

  20. “How big’s the staff? Not less than 3,000 certainly. So, 5% try to access porn on any one day?

    Pitiful, ball-less wonders, clearly.”

    Given that every one of them has a personal computing device (several) and personal data plans in addition to and separate from whatever was supplied for the job – that shows that at least 5% of them are complete and utter morons.

  21. “But a spokesman also said: “All pornographic websites are blocked by parliament’s computer network. ”

    So he’s either a liar or a moron.

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