Sound advice

“There are only a few things that should go in your vagina and vegetables generally aren’t one of them.”

Although where that leaves the average teenage bloke trying to get a legover is not explained.

54 comments on “Sound advice

  1. I’ve pasted the whole article if you are unable to view. You got to admire Liddle – always makes me laugh

    ROD LIDDLE
    january 20 2019, 12:01am, the sunday times
    Making us eat lentil and fungus burgers won’t do a damn thing for global warming
    rod liddle

    Just 20 days into the new year and I’m already losing track of the stuff my conscience, or society, wants me to give up. Drink and cigs, obviously, but also a tendency to view the world through a privileged, heteronormative prism that can be exclusive to many groups of people, plus giggling at angry dwarfs.

    And a new one — smiling at black people. An article in The Guardian last week made it clear this was no longer on. To quote: “Over-smiling allows us to mask an anti-blackness that is foundational to our very existence as white. A fleeting benevolence, of course, has no relation to how black people are actually undermined in white spaces. Black friends have often told me that they prefer open hostility to niceness.”

    I’m not sure what over-smiling is — maybe staring at black folk with a fixed and manic rictus grin, which I can see might be unsettling. But in future perhaps I should follow the advice in the column and simply shout racial obscenities whenever I see a black friend. Or maybe just scowl at them and mutter unpleasantly. The writer of this ectopic bilge was, of course, a whitey.

    And then there’s meat, this being Veganuary and so the entire country is chowing down on Gregg’s vegan sausage rolls made from compressed fungus and sinus fluid, or something.

    I would have thought that having to inject yourself with vitamin B12, made from fermented bacteria, every couple of days so you don’t pass out in the street was the Lord Jesus Christ’s way of telling you that perhaps you’d taken a wrong turning in life, you vegans. And while vitamin B12 may alleviate the anaemia, it doesn’t stop the epic flatulence (or the smug self-righteousness). But there we are: 2019 will be the year of the virtue-signalling vegans, if they can stay awake long enough.

    But now we also have The Lancet weighing in with its planetary health diet, instructing that we must all drastically cut down on red meat if we are to feed a projected world population of 10bn by 2050. And eat more nuts instead. Yay, bring on the honey-roasted peanuts.

    The first response is to suggest, quietly, that it might be better if we tried to prevent the world’s population from rising to 10bn. But that vast growth in numbers will happen in the Third World, especially Africa — and so the issue is not addressed.

    The next is that, so far as personal health is concerned, avoiding doctors is a more pressing concern than giving up steak and kidney pies. Medical mistakes account for more than 40,000 deaths in the UK every year — so put your own house in order first, Lancet.

    But let’s get to the meat of the issue. If I give up eating free-range Welsh lamb, say, and replace that protein with nuts imported from South America and lentils flown in from Turkey, how is this helping the world, given our concerns about global warming? A report I read recently suggested you would have to abstain from meat for 10 years to match the emissions of a single transatlantic jet flight. Our topography is uniquely suited to pasture and grazing land: that’s how we feed ourselves. It is sustainable; it works. Or has The Lancet dismissed global warming and become a denier?

    Further, in privileging white meat — chicken — over red meat, The Lancet tramples upon the very reason many people become vegetarian (as I have, from time to time, ineptly): animal welfare. No meat is more intensively produced, with more utter misery caused to the creature, than chicken. And yet The Lancet implies we should switch from red meat to white. It has no problem with chicken farming.

    In other words, this hasty report hammers the fashionable, politically correct targets — the overprivileged meat-chomping West — and ignores completely all of the problems and animal welfare atrocities that would arise if we suddenly abided by its rules. Worse still, it ignores the more pressing concern of how we stop sub-Saharan Africa reproducing at its current rate, presumably because the report’s authors think we have no right to get involved.

    So, that’s sorted then. I won’t be following The Lancet’s demand that I cut down on meat. Nor will I stop giggling at angry dwarfs, if I ever see any. I shall try just scowling at black folk, and white, and see how that goes.

    Polpo friction
    The president of an Oxford college has decided that octopus should no longer be allowed on the dining menus for students, because of the grotesque offence it might cause.

    Baroness Royall, who runs Somerville College, made her decision after a first-year student felt deeply hurt and alienated having encountered octopus terrine at the freshers’ dinner, it being a dish she had never previously encountered, thus leaving her estranged from her college. Food henceforth must be less challenging, then.

    A senior octopus told me yesterday: “Of course we support this fine initiative by Baroness Royall.

    “If students want to eat cephalopods, they should stick to squid, stupid beaky little bastards,” he added, waving a couple of tentacles in a dismissive manner, from under a rock.

    Family is Google’s F-word. Search me
    Google has at last been forced to stop using offensive language, beginning with that most vile of words, “family”. An employee demanded that the word should never be used in conjunction with children because “the use of ‘family’ as a synonym for ‘with children’ has a long-standing association with deeply homophobic organisations”. Further, it was “offensive, inappropriate and wrong”.

    I don’t know what organisations the employee was referring to, otherwise I would have joined them all. But a vice-president of Google agreed and the word is now verboten unless used in conjunction with any and all groups of people either loosely or securely tied together, not necessarily with children, and may simply comprise, say, two transgendering werewolves who happen to communicate with one another via email.

    Bang go Corbyn’s anti-semitism vows
    So as Brexit unravels, what are your MEPs up to? Next week, the Labour MEP for North West England, Julie Ward, will be rabble-rousing at an anti-Israel event in the European parliament, organised by a group that supports the racist policy of boycotts and disinvestment.

    And she’ll be sharing the stage with the incendiary — yes, literally — Sinn Fein MEP Martina “Boom-bang-a-bang” Anderson, who has done time for trying to blow things up. Anderson has described Israelis as being like “a rash”. Another speaker on the panel is a journalist who thinks Hamas are absolutely bloody marvellous people.

    The chairman of the European Jewish Association has written to Jeremy Corbyn asking him to dissociate himself from Ward’s attendance, or to stop her going, lest all his statements on anti-semitism be deemed “worthless, pointless, devoid of meaning, substance and fraudulent”. Surely not.

    Parsley the loin
    Marie Claire is in trouble for having suggested readers start cramming lots of parsley up their lady gardens. According to the magazine: “Parsley can help to soften the cervix and level out hormonal imbalances that could be delaying your cycle.” Well, fair enough, so long as they don’t put it back in the fridge afterwards.

    Gynaecologists, however, warned the practice could lead to illness or death. So a big thank-you to Dr Sheila Newman, from New Jersey, for my favourite quote of 2019 so far: “There are only a few things that should go in your vagina and vegetables generally aren’t one of them.” Still, if parsley’s out — what about sage and onion?

  2. Moqifen – Over-smiling allows us to mask an anti-blackness that is foundational to our very existence as white.

    Blimey. Is it still ok to rub their hair for luck?

  3. Over-smiling allows us to mask an anti-blackness that is foundational to our very existence as white.

    Once you understand that the deepest wish of the Guardian is open race-warfare, their op-ed articles begin to make some sense.

  4. Rob – but oppressing the darkies is foundational to our very existence as white.

    I dunno about you, but I can’t make it through the day without burning a cross on a black chap’s lawn or not laughing at Lenny Henry’s jokes (except the racist ones on Tiswas)

    In all seriousness tho, the problem with race-hating statements like this isn’t so much that it’s wrong, it’s that it’s so far beyond the bounds of logic, sanity and basic human empathy that it’s impossible to engage in anything approaching a reasonable discussion.

    You can’t reason with Nazis or Tankies or people who cut off their genitals in anticipation of being beamed aboard a spaceship disguised as a comet.

    And you can’t reason with people who preach that the white man is the “cancer of human history” (mad props to actual cancer for removing Susan Sontag from the gene pool, btw).

    So that leaves us with a range of unreasonable options. Should we allow people who want us humiliated, broken and killed to have free speech? Should we permit them to be employed by universities? Do we have to feed, clothe and shelter people with genocidal intent? Should they be given access to the hated white man’s electricity, communication platforms, or even modern medicine?

    What would the ancient Greeks have done?

    Human rights and civil liberties were just social constructs, anyway.

  5. “Should we allow people who want us humiliated, broken and killed to have free speech?”

    Do you want the SJWs, Muslims, Marxists, and their ilk to be “humiliated, broken and killed”? If so, should you be allowed free speech?

    And what makes you think that it’s you that has the option, rather than them?

  6. ‘mask an anti-blackness that is foundational to our very existence as white’

    This is dog whistle drivel for blacks. The purpose is to get blacks to believe it. As long as blacks believe this stuff, they will support the Left that produces it.

    The conservatives/Republicans have gone silent. They will not fight back. The result being it gets more and more extreme.

    One could conclude that blacks are indeed defective for believing this stuff. The problem is, we don’t know how many do. They might cringe at this stuff as much as anyone else.

    They are not responsible for what third parties do.

  7. Hullo NiV – Do you want the SJWs, Muslims, Marxists, and their ilk to be “humiliated, broken and killed”?

    No, not really. I’m a moderate.

    I want them to bugger off and leave my people alone, instead of being aggressive parasites. Nobody would give a shit about SJW’s if they had a live and let live philosophy. Nobody would care about the Moon Cult if they behaved like Hindus.

    Similarly, your ministry to the genderspazzed. Most folks, including myself, were fairly tolerant of blokes in dresses, but the increasingly obnoxious militancy of the Decepticons – particularly their attempts to proselytize to small children – is hardening hearts. The TERFs will be the least of their worries once broader society decides it’s had enough of the trans fad.

    As the Jacksons once asked: can you feel it?

    If so, should you be allowed free speech?

    I don’t have free speech. I could be whisked into the criminal justice system at any time and have my employment prospects destroyed, like that Count Dankula guy, just for making off-colour jokes on t’internet.

    So, given that free speech is deader than a graveyard disco, the real question is “Who? Whom?”

  8. Gamecock – Sort of, but I reckon the intended audience is actually whites. It was a white woman who said that, some sort of university professor, because of course she is.

    Anti-racism is mostly white-on-white rhetorical violence. It’s the privileged (and the wannabe privileged) seeking to tear down the badwhites to enhance their own social status. The modern equivalent of beating street urchins for failing to doff their caps.

  9. “I want them to bugger off and leave my people alone, instead of being aggressive parasites.”

    Most of them do.

    “Well, he didn’t like getting his tail wet, so head first?”

    Eww! 🙂

  10. NiV – Most of them do.

    I’m sure most of the Imperial Japanese Army wished no particular harm on Americans, Chinee, or Far Eastern British colonies either. Doesn’t really matter what most people in a group want if it doesn’t change the effect the group has as a whole, does it?

  11. Steve,

    “So that leaves us with a range of unreasonable options. Should we allow people who want us humiliated, broken and killed to have free speech? Should we permit them to be employed by universities? Do we have to feed, clothe and shelter people with genocidal intent? Should they be given access to the hated white man’s electricity, communication platforms, or even modern medicine?”

    The answer is simpler than that. The answer is that you shrink the state. When you find any of these mad fuckers, they’re always somewhere in the network of the state. And not the useful bits like emptying bins and fixing street lights.

    When people have to work for a living doing something useful for others, well, firstly they don’t have time to go doing all this pointless crap. But also, they have to work for and with more normal people who are going to judge them harshly and possibly punish them for saying “white people are a cancer”. The people at the factories I’ve worked in would treat you as a leper if you said that. Next time you needed someone to lend you a hand, they wouldn’t give one. You’d swiftly learn to treat other people with more respect.

    A really good right-wing leader would set about this right away. How many Conservative or even marginal voters work in universities? So, you’d lose almost nothing. And you could give the marginal voters a tax break, or better real services. AND you’d change the Overton window on opinion rather than the finger on the scale for the left that currently exists AND AND you’d damage the Labour party.

  12. The people at the factories I’ve worked in would treat you as a leper if you said that. Next time you needed someone to lend you a hand, they wouldn’t give one. You’d swiftly learn to treat other people with more respect.

    Imagine saying that on a building site. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone who went around saying that in such a place, wound up falling off some scaffolding.

  13. “There are only a few things that should go in your vagina and vegetables generally aren’t one of them.”

    I hope this extremist isn’t implying that a penis is one of those things. That sort of thing can end careers.

  14. Bloke on M4 said:
    “A really good right-wing leader would set about this right away. How many Conservative or even marginal voters work in universities? So, you’d lose almost nothing.”

    Trouble is, a lot of Conservative and marginal voters want their brats to go to university. Yes, a lot of them shouldn’t be going there, but they want them to, and it’s going to take a lot of time to change that mindset.

    So for the Tories to be comfortable about it, we need some way to keep providing university places without them being a way of indirectly funding the sort of nonsense that we see here. Not sure how to do that.

    Make them actually pay rather than soft loans? Yes, but the Tories would be too scared of their parent voters.

    Encourage more private universities, yes, but that would mean removing the regulation, because at the moment it’s such a pain in the arse to get approval to set up a university that virtually no-one has done it from the private sector (I think there’s a couple of pre-existing law or accountancy tuition operations that already had a long-standing track record, but even Grayling’s place is just a college; the degrees are validated by public sector universities; Buckingham only managed it because Thatcher pushed it through). Would the Tories risk massive deregulation, given the adverse publicity from a few inevitable private sector shysters that would try it on?

    Yes, slash the fees (or at least the fees payable out of soft loans). But then the Tories are blamed for every problem in the sector.

    I agree with your aim, but how to do it in a way that even a half-decent Tory government would dare consider?

  15. “I wouldn’t be surprised if someone who went around saying that in such a place, wound up falling off some scaffolding.”

    Several times, if necessary. Until he got the message,

  16. “Doesn’t really matter what most people in a group want if it doesn’t change the effect the group has as a whole, does it?”

    Yes, it does.

  17. @Bloke on M4 January 20, 2019 at 3:38 pm

    …The answer is that you shrink the state. When you find any of these mad fuckers, they’re always somewhere in the network of the state….A really good right-wing leader would set about this right away. How many Conservative or even marginal voters work in universities? So, you’d lose almost nothing. And you could give the marginal voters a tax break, or better real services….

    +1 Agree

    I’m sure Public Sector could be reduced by over 50% if all the useless, worthless non-jobs were abolished and nobody, except those sacked, would notice.

  18. “Sort of, but I reckon the intended audience is actually whites.”

    I don’t know any whites who believe it. Perhaps the purpose is to get whites to believe that some other whites are racists. Those “other” people.

    I guess if they say it often enough . . . or they only have to say it once for Lefty whites. They’ll believe anything they are told by the other Lefties.

    But there is also this: ‘mask an anti-blackness that is foundational to our very existence as white’ is HER CONFESSION THAT SHE IS A POS RACIST. She is just projecting on the rest of us.

  19. Baroness Royall, who runs Somerville College, made her decision after a first-year student felt deeply hurt and alienated having encountered octopus terrine at the freshers’ dinner, it being a dish she had never previously encountered, thus leaving her estranged from her college. Food henceforth must be less challenging, then.

    What? Everything is unknown until first encountered, is the snowflake still being breast fed?

    That’s restaurants and overseas holidays & gap years now off limits for snowflakes

    I’m in 50s and saw a Pastrami on Rye sandwich for first time a few months ago; I didn’t feel hurt, I bought it to discover what Pastrami was and tasted like – nice.

  20. Pcar said:
    “I’m in 50s and saw a Pastrami on Rye sandwich for first time a few months ago; I didn’t feel hurt, I bought it to discover what Pastrami was and tasted like – nice.”

    Pastrami’s OK, but rye bread is only suitable for German masochists.

  21. A few years ago I had the vegan daughter of some friends go off on me for having the temerity to state just how much I enjoyed chewing on nicely smoked brisket. She went through the whole damage to the planet thingy and did her best, in doing so, to heap much guilt upon my shoulders. When she paused to take a breath I managed to wedge a simple question in before she continued:

    “Is there any scientific basis to suggest the world will come to an end in the next 25 years if nothing is done?”

    Given that her father was both a scientist and present, she had to be truthful.

    “No.”

    My response:

    “Well, I’m 59. And with any luck at all, I’ll be dead in 25 years, so I guess I’m going to have to say that I really couldn’t care less. You deal with it in a manner than leaves me out.”

    She doesn’t talk to me all that much anymore.

    Which is fine.

  22. Perhaps the purpose is to get whites to believe that some other whites are racists
    There are plenty of Remainiacs (many of them in positions of authority) who believe there are at least 17.4 million racists in the UK.

  23. Trouble is, a lot of Conservative and marginal voters want their brats to go to university. Yes, a lot of them shouldn’t be going there, but they want them to, and it’s going to take a lot of time to change that mindset.

    So for the Tories to be comfortable about it, we need some way to keep providing university places without them being a way of indirectly funding the sort of nonsense that we see here. Not sure how to do that.

    No, we don’t need to do that. We want to stop doing that. Because about half of student loans are a burning bonfire of money.

    So what we do instead is give people the money back. We cut places and we give the savings to everyone who doesn’t go. And we do it visibly. Not just the saving tipped into the treasury. We send people money. They see that they lost this thing, but gained something else.

    They’ll be people upset that they don’t have a photo of little Johnny in his robes to show off, even though it’s a worthless degree, but they’ll also be people who didn’t plan on going who get a bit richer and are more likely to support you, so it all nets off.

  24. Pcar,

    “I’m sure Public Sector could be reduced by over 50% if all the useless, worthless non-jobs were abolished and nobody, except those sacked, would notice.”

    I don’t know if you could go that far.

    There’s a lot of normal people in the public sector. The people who work in registry offices, keep the parks nice, military and police tend to generally be quite sensible. And while it’s often inefficient, this stuff needs doing.

    There’s a strong connection between crazy wokeness and the more pointless parts of the public sector because the pointless parts need a big state to survive. So the activists are from some inner city arts project or a multi-faith youth project of questionable benefit. You don’t get any from the parks or roads department because about 99% of people want the grass cut in the park and the streetlights fixed. They’re safe whatever party gets into power.

  25. @DtP

    It’s the only way to deal with SJWs. You can’t argue or reason with them. Telling them just don’t care is simpler. As you say, if they stop talking to you, so what?

  26. “a first-year student felt deeply hurt and alienated having encountered octopus terrine”

    Christ Almighty.

    Imagine if that single sentence is the legacy of the first 20 years of the 21st century.

  27. Bloke on M4 said:
    “No, we don’t need to do that. We want to stop doing that. Because about half of student loans are a burning bonfire of money.”

    I agree we should stop doing it. But sadly I can’t see it’s ever going to happen; there are just too many Tory supporting parents for the Party to ever have the balls to do it, even with your proposed compensation. Which was why I was hoping you had an idea for something short of that which would still cut off the SJW-support system.

  28. BoM4 – The answer is that you shrink the state.

    It’s certainly part of the answer. Maybe most of it. But as the rise of Woke Capital is showing us, big businesses aren’t much better.

    Why, for example, are supermarkets desperate to convince us that 80% of British children are black or mulatto, going by their adverts?

    Gamecock – Perhaps the purpose is to get whites to believe that some other whites are racists. Those “other” people.

    This is exactly the purpose.

    I reckon Marx had a point, BTW. Not in his prescriptions, but in his observations.

    The purpose of anti-racism is class hatred. It’s the same animus motivating Continuity Remain, millionaire climate changers campaigning to make ordinary Westerners poorer, the late Labour government’s decision to “rub their noses” in Third Worldism, and #woke multinational corporations accusing their customers of “toxic masculinity”.

    It’s the other who are to blame for everything – the lager-drinking, car-driving, heterosexual sex-having white men and their wives and children. Pathologising them as hateful, hatey hatemongers is basic psychological projection.

    Working class and lower middle class whites are the Kulaks of the 21st century, and just like the Kulaks of the 20th century, the Left wants you broken and dead, your kids raped and brainwashed, and they think it’s funny.

  29. Pastrami is awesome. Imagine someone taking all we know about turning pork into bacon and then applied that to beef. Well, not exactly, but that’s pretty much what pastrami is.

  30. DtP, Ha! Nice one.

    I would have been a lot more facetious and told her that if God didn’t want us to eat animals he shouldn’t have made them out of meat.

  31. OT looks like Contel’s been hacked. Two desktops one phone three browsers all show the same broken page.

  32. OT looks like Contel’s been hacked. Two desktops one phone three browsers all show the same broken page.

    Yarp, I reported it on a thread yesterday…

    I don’t think it is hacked, just gubbed…

  33. The easiest way to destroy the university fraud system that has grown up since the ‘Everyone must have a degree’ edict went out would be to pass a simple law making it illegal to discriminate between candidates for a job where the holding of a degree has no connection whatsoever with the job to be done. Ergo you can demand that your HR person has a degree in HR, but you must not discriminate between two candidates, one who has a degree in sociology and one who has no degree at all (but might have some actual experience of working in HR).

    This would mean the advantage to having a non specific degree was reduced considerably – if you want to be research scientist or a lawyer or something that requires actual specific knowledge then by all means go to uni. Go to uni to study something pointless and all you’ll be doing is getting into debt to compete with people who left school 3+ years previously and may have more hands on experience of the jobs you’re going for with none.

    Make people suffer the consequences of their actions, and their actions will rapidly change.

  34. Steve,

    “It’s certainly part of the answer. Maybe most of it. But as the rise of Woke Capital is showing us, big businesses aren’t much better.

    Why, for example, are supermarkets desperate to convince us that 80% of British children are black or mulatto, going by their adverts?”

    I’m not sure it’s that high, but there’s always a token in there for a couple of reasons: a) a genuine desire to appeal to ethnic minority customers b) because there’s this army of wankers looking for a business to write a press release about.

  35. “Marie Claire is in trouble for having suggested readers start cramming lots of parsley…”
    No no no, that’s just wrong.
    What’s the difference between pussy and parsley?
    Nobody eats parsley.

  36. Thx, ns.

    Jim, I disagree. From my vast years of experience, people with degrees are different from people without.

  37. “people with degrees are different from people without.”

    Yup, they’re more dumb, in a lack of common sense way. I could have picked a dozen non-degree holders off the street and they’d have all done a better job of the Brexit negotiations than the current bunch of ‘educated’ incumbents.

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