You just wait honey, you just wait

Damn, luvvies can be just so annoying. So, there’s a Guardian headline:

Patricia Arquette: ‘I don’t want to play the ingenue for ever’

To which the correct response is don’t worry honey, you won’t.

ingénue
/ˈãʒən(j)uː/
noun
an innocent or unsophisticated young woman, especially in a play or film.

Just wait a few years and you really won’t.

So, all nicely lined up to have a snarl:

“It’s really liberating,” she says. “I feel like my whole career, I’ve had to operate within boundaries of what’s a likable woman? What’s attractive to society? There were a lot of people before I did Escape at Dannemora who said: ‘Oh my God, don’t gain weight for that, don’t let them make you look like that or you won’t be able to get jobs.’ I was like: ‘I’m an actor, just let me act!’… I don’t feel that we put that on males and I don’t want to carry it around any more.

“I don’t want to be the ingenue for ever – you can’t,” she continues. “We see people my age still trying to be ingenues, and at a certain point, you look… otherworldly. How are you going to play a 50-year-old woman in the real world?” Arquette isn’t judgmental about plastic surgery (“It’s your face; you get to look like whatever you want to look like”). She just feels that it affects on-screen credibility. “If some dude who looks like he works out four hours a day plays some regular dad, I have a hard time believing that too. You’ve got to look realistic for a part like that.”

Bugger, isn’t that annoying? An actor who is actually an intellectual adult?

Reading the sidebar of shame

We should, occasionally at least, educate ourselves on the preoccupations of others in our shared society:

Shirley Ballas, 58, reveals she’s ‘happier than ever’ with new beau Daniel Taylor, 44, as she admits he had no idea who she was when they first met during panto

So, err, who is she then? She looks both a bit young and a bit white to have done those James Bond themes doesn’t she?

Well, no, not really

Jared Harris:

Why does he think he had that block? “You’re so conscious of class growing up in Britain, and suspicious of that world and not feeling you belong to it.” But wasn’t he surrounded by posh actorly types when he was growing up? “No. My father had a massive mistrust of that world. The closest I would have got to that would have been through Rex.”

He remembers how she would turn up at his boarding school for visiting days, always late, always gorgeous in a giant hat and mini skirt. “The other boys would sit there and say why can’t your mother show up on time because their parents would turn up early and they couldn’t see the latest fashion she was wearing.”

Can’t say I recall that in the slightest but there we are. And at least in that side of life there weren’t that many posh people around. Still, observing the world now I do think it fun that one of his major collaborators – Peter Morgan – is someone he knew at that boarding school. Networks and connections do seem to matter after all.

Snigger

This may be an old urban myth, but is it true you once competed in a drag queen Dolly Parton look-a-like contest?

That’s the truth. It was at a gay club in Los Angeles. I lived in this little apartment right up the street from Santa Monica Blvd, right near the gay strip. At one particular club, they had a Halloween costume competition, and people would go dressed as Cher or me or whoever. We saw a whole bunch of Dollys walking around outside the club. So I told my friends, “Let’s go check it out.”

You weren’t afraid of being recognized?

Oh no. It was Halloween, so we just over-exaggerated ourselves. I made my hair bigger, gave myself darker, thicker, more ridiculous makeup, and bigger lips. We walked in, ordered a drink, and watched the show. Then they started the competition, and all the drag queens dressed like me were walking across the stage, to be judged by audience applause who was the best Dolly. I just wanted to watch, but my friends convinced me to get up there. They said, “Go. Go, go, do it.” And I whispered, “Okay, fine.” I jumped onstage and joined the line of Dollys.

Nobody realized you were the real Dolly Parton?

Nobody even knew. Cause I was over-exaggerated. I looked like a clown version of myself. Maybe I went too far, because I lost.

You lost a Dolly Parton look-a-like contest?

I did, yeah. [Laughs.] I got the least applause of anybody. Of course, my friends were cracking up.

How is that possible?

I guess there were some other Dolly Partons who looked more like Dolly Parton than I did. [Laughs.] They were good, I’ll give them that. But when you’re Dolly Parton and you lose a Dolly Parton look-a-like contest, that’s pretty bad.

In which I talk about a Kardashian….

…intellectual property and The Great Tuberoso

We have an interesting little refutation of the strictures of the Senior Lecturer in International Political Economy at Islington Technical College here. For, as we all know, he insists that intellectual property means nothing. It’s just a manner of moving money around the world to dodge tax, it has no real economic import whatsoever. We should therefore simply ignore it all – for all purposes, not just tax if I’ve understood the drivel correctly.

Which is interesting, given that the world’s about to be youngest self-made billionaire, Kylie Jenner, seems to make her money from nothing at all except intellectual property:

Stereotype much?

Eurovision winner Conchita has told fans that she is HIV-positive, and has been in regular treatment for “several years”. The 29-year-old Austrian drag performer made a public statement on Instagram in response to an ex-boyfriend allegedly threatening to reveal the information.

Obviously this would happen

A bitter public feud has erupted among the family of the late French rock star Johnny Hallyday after two of his children challenged his will, which leaves his entire reported €100 million (£89m) estate to his fourth wife.

Hundreds of thousands had gathered to mourn the death of the crooner they called “the French Elvis” at his funeral last month in which President Emmanuel Macron delivered a eulogy that moved many to tears across the country.

But weeks after the huge show of national unity, “Johnny” came back to haunt France after his 34-year old daughter, the actress Laura Smet, announced she was challenging the will because it failed to leave her anything.

Nothing causes family rows quite like inheritance, eh?

Why is it that I just don’t believe this story?

Billionaire James Stunt has claimed that he was the victim of Britain’s biggest ever burglary with £90million of cash and valuables stolen from his house.

Petra Ecclestone’s ex-husband has told police that the Belgravia property, where he moved in December, had been ‘cleaned out’ by thieves while he slept.

The 36-year-old reported the theft on December 14 shortly after taking up residence in the home but police are still hunting the burglars.

Cash was taken from the house along with gold and diamond jewellery, according to The Sun on Sunday.

It was reported that Stunt, whose six-year-marriage to Ecclestone ended last year, had not yet installed CCTV cameras in the luxury home.

‘He is devastated by the loss. It’s a lot of money even for him – though luckily he’s insured’, a source told the newspaper.

I just can’t put my finger on it, just can’t quite spot what slightly jars about this story, making me ponder whether I believe it or not.

And if that’s my reaction what will be that of the insurance company’s loss adjuster?

But to lay down a market for the future. It’s going to be really, really, fun to see whether that claim gets paid out upon. Is there any manner of checking such things? I guess there isn’t, no public register of claims paid etc. But if it isn’t then I can imagine m’learned friends getting involved, which would be public.

On the other hand, a theft which wasn’t insured against would be a neat explanation for why there’s no money other than his wife’s. Not that that could possibly be the real situation of course.

Perhaps a touch of projection here

Prince Charles’s time at school is widely thought to have been far from happy – and he is reported to have even described it as “Colditz in kilts”.

But his Scottish boarding school has hit back after Netflix drama The Crown depicted an unhappy, bullied Charles struggling with cross country runs and hostile classmates.

Gordonstoun School has pointed to a speech the Prince made in the House of Lords, as well as an interview printed in the Observer Magazine, to suggest that he has a more nuanced view of his education that the drama suggests.

Both took place in the 1970s, less than 20 years after he attended the school, and paint the Prince’s time at Gordonstoun in a more positive light than the drama.

Episode 9 of its second series chronicles the Prince’s experiences at the school, focusing on his shabby dormitory, hostile classmates and freezing morning runs.

It also includes a flashback to his father Prince Phillip’s experience at the school, which is located in the north east of Scotland.

Fritz – Peter – Morgan might be projecting a little here. Although Downside really wasn’t that bad when we were there.

No, no, we really shouldn’t laugh

Lily Allen has sparked a furious Twitter backlash after claiming she is unable to move back to the London flat she owns because her tenants are claiming ‘diplomatic immunity’.
The row has seen the singer accused of ‘profiteering’ by renting out the property to wealthy foreigners instead of taking in refugees as she had previously pledged.
In the now-deleted tweet, Ms Allen wrote: ‘Meant to be moving back into my flat this week, but my tenants just dropped that they can’t find anywhere to go up to their standards.
‘Then they said they’re diplomats and have diplomatic immunity and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Unconvinced that diplomatic immunity works that way but still.

Hmm, well

A backing singer for Joss Stone has accused Sir Richard Branson of ‘putting his face in her cleavage’ during a party at his luxurious Necker Island resort.
Antonia Jenae, 44, claims the Virgin boss made an ‘engine boat noise’ as the incident happened.

I know someone who vaguely knows Branson in private life. Well, sorta private life, F1 races, parties, that sort of thing.

His remark one day was that Branson seems to have a rather large and ever changing cast of nieces.

You what?

Terry Adams, a former gangster whose family “firm” is linked to 25 murders, contacted the former Formula One boss offering to help to negotiate financial and other arrangements.

He is assisting James Stunt, a gold trader, after the collapse of his six-year marriage to Petra Ecclestone, 28. Mr Adams is godfather to Mr Stunt

The things you learn in divorce proceedings.

James Stunt

His international man of mystery act is all well and good, but a fluctuating weight and preference for shiny suits combine, at times, to give him the air of a David Brent rather than a James Bond.

I think we can take it that the Mail doesn’t like him.