Well, yes, obviously

Yes, the fact that Pippa Middleton’s forthcoming nuptials may be attended by members of the public is clearly a bit of a shock to some. All that meticulous planning, all that co-ordinated designer garb, all the calculated ingratiation in which various hangers-on have indulged to get an invitation – what’s the point if the pristine picture is sullied by a bunch of locals who may not be wearing quite the right clothes, who may not have quite enough money, who may not have quite enough connections to A-listers or aristocrats, who may, you know, smell a bit?

To which the reply should be: you clearly fail to understand quite what a Church of England wedding is. Exasperatingly as the institutional C of E can be, much of what it represents is worth cherishing – especially at a time when our society grows more divided and our lives become increasingly corporatised and privatised. And nowhere is this more evident than in the church’s view of celebrity marriages – or, to use the correct ecclesiastical jargon, “marriages”.

This reminds us of something deeper, too: people are part of our lives regardless of whether we invite them in
It actually has an official policy on such things. It begins with the observation that “the same law applies to the weddings of celebrities in Anglican cathedrals and churches as it does to the weddings of any other persons”; the fact that this needs spelling out tells us something in itself. It is splendidly dismissive of “exclusivity” deals: “A marriage is a public ceremony which at the least all parishioners are entitled to attend.”

The actual point of the marriage ceremony being that it is in public. Oi, you lot, we’re going to be shagging each other, alright?

At least it was heterosexual and consensual

A singing teacher at a prestigious Roman Catholic boarding school had sex with a sixth former after giving her free lessons​ and sending her a picture of him in the bath.

David Brown, 46, also encouraged the 18-year-old to take drugs after telling her how much they would boost their sexual relationship.

Another school I’ve been to with a sex scandal. But this is a bit different. Duty of care and all that, betrayal of that. But adult woman shags her singing teacher is not really the stuff of which nightmares are made.

Quite right too

Tim Farron says on Wednesday that he does not think homosexuality is a sin following a question from Conservative MP Nigel Evans.

Specifically, he says that he does not think that being gay is a sin.

Which is obviously true, not even the Pope nor Iain Paisley thought being gay was or is a sin.

Homosexual acts however….

Well, it’s not Cliff, is it?

A British pop star is alleged to have raped a 14-year-old girl after his bodyguard plucked the teenager from the front row of his concert.
The woman says she was plied with champagne by the singer who then pinned her down and attacked her in his hotel suite in the 1970s in an ordeal that ‘affected [her] entire life’.

Batting for the wrong team.

How desperately kinky

The Naval Special Warfare Command wants to know whether Chief Special Warfare Officer Joseph Schmidt III properly obtained permission from his commanders for outside work and whether they condoned his acting career, the San Diego Union-Tribune reported.

He has appeared under the name Jay Voom in at least 29 sex films over seven years with titles such as “Apple Smashing Lap Dance” to “Strippers Come Home Horny from the Club,” the paper said.

…feature his wife, porn star Jewels Jade.
..
Jade said she recruited her husband as an unpaid performer to cut the costs of making films for her website and film-distribution service.

What, you mean movies of actual within matrimony sex? Good God, I mean how icky!

Must be a very refined taste that.

How odd

Slee claimed that the archbishops of Canterbury and York were “intent on wrecking” the candidacies of John and Nick Holtam, who was married to a divorcee, “despite the fact that their CVs were startlingly in an entirely different and better league than the other two candidates, and probably every one of the new bishops I can recall in the past 15 years”.

Church decides to follow its own rules on sexuality when appointing bishops.

The gay bloke doesn’t get to be one nor does the one married to a divorcee.

Camilla doesn’t get to be Princess of Wales because she’s a divorcee.

Shrug, their gaff their rules, nu?

Harry Harperson’s a vile one

The Labour MP Harriet Harman has introduced a proposed law change that would prevent rape complainants from being quizzed in court about their sexual history, saying the move was needed in the wake of the acquittal of the footballer Ched Evans.

Evans won his appeal last year in a case that centred on evidence from two other men who testified about the complainant’s sexual preferences and the language she used during sex.

A law change in 1999 had barred such court tactics, but permitted defence lawyers to apply to introduce a complainant’s previous sexual history under certain circumstances. The Evans case prompted significant disquiet about how this clause could be used. Harman has tabled an amendment to the government’s prisons and courts bill, which reaches the committee stage in the Commons next week, to remove the exception.

The idea of introducing a complainant’s sexual history into a rape trial had “no evidential value” and was deeply outdated, Harman said. “It’s based on the old notion that there were two sorts of women – those who were ‘easy’ and those who were virtuous – and if you were easy, you would have sex with anybody, because you were that sort of woman,” she said. “What you have to look at is the evidence and the information around that encounter, not any previous sexual encounters.”

But the sexual history had great evidential value here, which is exactly why you’re trying to ban it of course.

We might be able to connect the dots here

The number of child sex offences reported in London has risen by over 20 per cent in the last year.

Latest figures released by the NSPCC revealed that crimes against children rose from 3,911 in 2015 to 4,794 the following year.

The Met police statistics suggest that, on average, 13 children are the victim of sex crimes each day.

The punishments for child porn are getting ever heavier.

The number of cases of child abuse are going up.

Given that we know that more porn produces fewer physical crimes perhaps we’re not doing this the right way?

The robots are coming

Or not, as the case may be, to the sex industry:

EUROPE’S first sex robot brothel has been forced to move after real-life prostitutes complained sex dolls were stealing their trade.

Someone’s been reading a bit too much Jessica or Amanduh:

Janet, a prostitute with over 30 years in the industry, who works in the city’s Raval district said: “It is another strategy of the patriarchy that presents us as objects without rights or soul. A privilege of the wealthy classes.”

Eh?

CEBR obvious have a more interesting dating life than the rest of us

Britons spend £129 on going on a date typically – more than twice as much as their counterparts in countries such as France and Italy, research has found.
The average amount, which is the total spent by both people going on the date, covers costs such as transport, clothes, cosmetics, entertainment and food and drink.

Hmm, OK.

And here is how the average cost of a date in the UK, at £129.30 adds up, according to the research:

Contraceptives, £4.70

Wait, what? The *average* date needs a fiver’s worth of contraceptives?

Admittedly, it’s a long time since I tried going out on the pull but that sounds a great deal more exciting than anything I did ever do.

Harvard research that may well not be true

Beautiful people may appear to have it easy in life.
But it turns out they are actually unlucky in love – as their relationships are more likely to end, research reveals.
A study which explains the high rate of Hollywood divorces has found that being attractive could actually be a ‘relationship liability’.
Even if people are not looking to poach you, being good-looking makes you more likely to cheat and be attracted to other people. While few people will be reaching for their violins, this leads to a higher break-up rate for the most beautiful.
The findings come from Harvard University, whose researchers looked at celebrities for fresh insights into the splits of Hollywood power couples like Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

The generally accepted view is that this is true of men and not of women. Good looking of both sexes (yes, cis-heterosexist patriarchal trans-hater that I am) have more opportunities, entirely so. Which tend to work out in opposite directions the men spreading the seed and the women insisting upon that exclusivity. Studying actors is going to rather obscure this, as the pretty birds are going to be with the good looking men…..

Not all that profitable this sex business, is it?

Or perhaps the life in an English provincial brothel:

Councillors in a market town are demanding to know why a brothel was allowed to continue for ten years after police were first tipped off.

Officers finally raided the “massage parlour” in Trowbridge, Wilts, as part of an operation led by the National Crime Agency into human trafficking.

We’d not expect anything particularly fascinating from Trowbridge of course but:

They found a punter with two middle-age English women who told him they were happy working at the sex den. The madame was traced as mother-of-two Marion Meyer-Smith, 49, who admitted running the brothel in the flat for 14 years.

So, happy workers and happy endings over a decade and a half. Diffucult to see why it needed to be raided really – checked, sure, for that trafficking that doesn’t really exist, for under age etc, but raided?

She raked in between £100 – £150 a week from the two sex workers, both of whom were working in their hometown.

Have we had some sudden burst of deflation or has “raking” rather changed in meaning? Running a brothel earns you part time barkeep wages these days does it?

Well, it’s a good idea isn’t it?

A BBC radio presenter allowed a phone-in caller to discuss having sex with young children and to claim his victims had enjoyed being abused.

Allan Beswick, host of the Late Night Phone-In programme on BBC Radio Manchester and BBC Radio Lancashire, engaged in conversation with the man – who said he was calling from prison – for four-and-a-half minutes without cutting him off.

Listeners were horrified to hear the man repeat details of his alleged crimes and to argue that DVDs of “child sex” should be supplied to adults as a substitute for them abusing children.

As far as we know, and this is true of both rape and statutory rape (yes, research has been done on this, on both) porn reduces incidence of real world actions. In the case of child porn the post-Soviet changes in law left Czechoslovakia/Czech Republic without a law against child porn. Incidence of child abuse fell. Law corrected, it rose back again.

So, digitally produced (of course) DVDs, why not? The aim is to reduce real world harm, yes, not the incidence of people getting their rocks off?

Not quite I think, not quite

Unfortunately, most sex education is still passed between children themselves, taught by the “naughty” peers who seem to have found out more than anyone else. Or are pretending that they have.

Shock horror, the majority of cultural education happens between children.

Didn’t the Opies spend decades proving this very thesis?

Boasting has always been, and still seems to be for many boys, the beginning of proving that you are a proper man. Frequency, volume, conquest and size still matter to them. How are young men to understand women if they have never been taught to understand themselves, and the people teaching them have been taught even less?

There was one part that traditional sex education did in fact get right. Which was to teach young women what young men were like. So hormonally doped up they leak sperm from the eyeballs and will hump anything up to and including the garden gatepost as long as it doesn’t complain too much. Any form of sex education which doesn’t get over the point that this is something that rather needs to be dealt with, if not perhaps controlled, isn’t doing its job.

Understanding network effects in dating

Celebrities have the same needs that the rest of us, they’re just wealthier, better-looking and demand more privacy. It’s why Tinder quietly set up a special members-only version of its app, called Tinder Select, to keep elite bloodlines in the elite. As the name implies, it’s a secret dating world where only the beautiful and the wealthy can connect. Unfortunately, the great unwashed don’t have a chance of getting in unless you’re invited by a core group of members.

Only those already potentially exposed to Paris’ herpes should date those also potentially exposed to Paris’ herpes.

Very sensible form of quarantine.

Ummm

A senior NHS boss has been forced out of his job after exposing a hospital sex ring where senior consultants used code words to arrange sex with colleagues, it is alleged.
The health workers exchanged hundreds of emails in which they used code words such as ‘Marmite’ and ‘cappuccino’ to arrange sexual liaisons at one of the country’s top hospitals, it was revealed last month.
The discovery of the sordid activity – which often took place yards from patients – has led to claims of a cover-up after the hospital refused to sack the two highly-paid consultants after a disciplinary hearing lasting just 20 minutes.

Consenting adults have sex with people they are not married to.

And?