Meanwhile Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old star of the latest freak show, revealed he was taking a break from thrice-nightly sexual intercourse after discovering masturbation.

He added: "I don\’t want to miss out on an important part of my childhood."

7 thoughts on “Alfie”

  1. ..and he’s also just joined Fathers For Justice – he’s not entirely sure what their politics are about but he thinks the Spiderman suits are fucking brilliant…

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