Dick’s waiting for me in Redditch,
Get me there driver soon
I want to lie in his strong arms
And go into a swoon
I want to collect his DNA
For my own database
I want to open my bursting blouse
And thrust them in his face

On Friday night when I got home
My second home that is,
Dick said he was all shagged out
And just gave me a kiss
On that fateful Sunday morning,
I read it in the press
Dick’s been watching some dirty films
And got us in a mess

It seems he’s been paying five quid
For “Dirty Debutantes”
Despite what’s bursting from my blouse
It’s not me that he wants
No Tarantino, no Scorsese,
No Bergmann, no Kubrick
You can’t beat old J Arthur
Says naughty, naughty Dick

Now I’m the two homes secretary
And hold the highest rank

2 thoughts on “Bwahahahaha”

  1. DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:
    March 30, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    The Ballard of the Second Home Secretary
    (to be sung to the tune of “My Darling Clementine”)

    Oh there was a lovely lady
    Into Parliament she came,
    She was clever and hard-working
    Lovely Jacqui was her name.

    She rose to a high position,
    Such an admirable fate,
    Got a job in the Home Office
    As the Secretary of State.

    When she stood at the dispatch box
    All MPs were thrilled to bits,
    Not from listening to her speeches
    But from staring at her tits.

    She worked hard to make us safer,
    And to keep us in our place.
    Taking DNA, ID cards
    On a massive database.

    But this work and all the travelling
    Started driving her beserk
    So she moved in with her sister
    To be closer to her work.

    Some said that she didn’t live there
    Only stayed a night or two,
    But it said so on her expenses
    So of course it must be true.

    But while she stayed with her sister
    Working hard by day and night,
    Dick, her husband, sorely missed her,
    Just as any Dicky might.

    Oh how tragic, oh how lonely
    For our poor forgotten Dick,
    So he took a box of tissues
    And he watched an adult flick.

    When the movie was all over
    And our Dick had had his thrill,
    Adult movies must be paid for,
    So our Dick was sent the bill.

    When the time had come to pay it
    He was short a bob or two,
    So he claimed it on expenses:
    What a silly thing to do!

    Oh the press found out about it
    And our Jacqui saw with rage
    That her husband’s adult habits
    Were splashed over the front page.

    There’s a moral to this story:
    If you haven’t had a lay
    And you’re watching smutty movies,
    Don’t expect your wife to pay.

  2. so he earns 40 grand for doing sweet FA and cannot be bothered to buy/rent a DVD off his own bat when he needs a wank…I feel like becoming a sans-culottes

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