This needs work

Comment central asks for a blues for comment central.

Well, this ain\’t a blues (although the chords and lyrics follow the form) and it also isn\’t very good (needs more work Worstall, see me after class).

She drew out all her money of the Finchley Trust
And put her little boy aboard a Wapping Bus
Leaving central London for the Golden East
Down came the tears from her happiness
Her own little son name \’o Danny Da Fink
Was gonna write some comment pieces for the newspaper.

Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye bye Danny
Good bye Danny Da Fink

She remembered taking money out from gathering crop
And buying Danny\’s keyboard at a broker shop
As long as he would tap it by the table side
And wouldn\’t get in trouble he was satisfied
But never thought that there would come a day like this
When she would have to give her son a goodby kiss

Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye, bye, bye, bye
Bye bye Danny
Good Bye Danny Da Fink

She finally got the letter she was dreaming of
Danny wrote and told her he had got a job
As soon as he was signed up he would come on back
And build a mansion for \’em by the football park
So every time they heard the goal scored roar
They\’d be a\’ standin\’, a\’ wavin\’ by the kitchen door

4 thoughts on “This needs work”

  1. The only good bits in this are by Chuck Berry,the world’s most plagiarised artist. Will his sufferings never end?

  2. “(needs more work, Worstall, see me after class)”

    And, a propos your preceding post, Worstall, do me 100 lines:

    “As an ASI contributor, and with Ritchie to take the p**s out of, I must not waste time reading about an old bottle-blonde slapper in The Sun”.

    On second thoughts, make that 500 lines.

  3. You’ve used Chuck Berry’s rhymes (trust and bus)for first couplet first stanza,then made made no attempt to rhyme subsequent two couplets in that verse.
    Suggest Golden east /..from sheer relief
    Danny da Fink/…for the Football Pink
    Then there’s second verse “table side”
    and the final verse” football park” and “goal scored roar” Crikey! Possibly “spectators roar” for latter atrocity .But tell you what, I give up .
    BTW Bye Bye Johnny is n’t a classic blues format.

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