Supermarket giants Tesco and Asda dramatically increased prices on key items in the runup to Christmas in what an independent expert has called \”a systematic, cynical and aggressive attempt to exploit demand\”, a Guardian investigation can reveal. Batteries, lightbulbs, medicines, Christmas drinks and must-have children\’s toys were among essentials whose prices were increased.

No, tell me ain\’t so!

Prices respond to supply and demand? Jeepers, someone better write that up. Could be a Nobel in it for anyone who manages to work out the implications of this stunning fact. Might even be the opening of an entire new area of scientific investigation!

Professor John Bridgeman, the former director general of the Office of Fair Trading who conducted official inquiries into the supermarket sector, said that in his view the data showed \”a cynical attempt to exploit demand in the week before Christmas and force prices up\” and \”extract maximum profit\” from shoppers who were too busy to go elsewhere.

My, oh my. Isn\’t that just the most remarkable thing ever? Businesses attempt to maximise profits. Who would have thought? We\’re going to have to rewrite whole chapters of the textbooks there. No one has ever thought this could possibly be true before. Business operates purely out of love for their customers, doesn\’t it?

The two retailers did not challenge the accuracy of the figures we put to them, but rejected Bridgeman\’s interpretation. They said the majority of the increases we have identified were on products that were coming off promotion. Bridgeman described ending advertised promotional discounts in the busiest week of the year as \”cynical\”.

Ahahaha. Now, seriously, we did employ this bloke as the D-G of the OFT did we? He\’s not been replaced in retirement by someone from Pandora has he? Or the nef?

Jesus F. Christ. Are you sure we\’ve got to continue paying this knob\’s pension?

OK, OK, We\’ll be lenient. He can have it back again after he\’s read and understood this. It\’s from 1776 mind, wouldn\’t want him to have to deal with modernity in any manner.

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