A note for employees of Goldman Sachs

It would appear that you are to be prevented from swearing in emails…..

There will never be another s— deal at Goldman Sachs Group Inc.

The New York company is telling employees that they will no longer be able to get away with profanity in electronic messages. That means all 34,000 traders, investment bankers and other Goldman employees must restrain themselves from using a vast vocabulary of oft-used dirty words on Wall Street, including the six-letter expletive that came back to haunt the company at a Senate hearing in April.

Fortunately you are usually using the English language, one abnormally rich in synonyms. Such multiples of synonyms meaning that you\’ll always be able to keep one step ahead of the software filters.

You might find that replacing \”shitty\” with \”poopy\” or \”cacky\” doesn\’t quite get over the true meaning you wish to, but what about danna, Sir Reverence or pilgrim\’s salve (especially useful with Bostonian or older white shoe firms perhaps?)?

Instead of pimping a deal you could beard-split it, or bull it, even buttock-broker it.

Instead of fucking someone over, you might prefer to describe it as prigging them, swivving them, even wapping.

To stop wanking about and make a decision would be to stop boxing the Jesuit.

Of course, this particular set of synonyms might not suit: not really sure what the reaction would be to the knowledge that Goldman Sachs was now using thieves cant.

4 thoughts on “A note for employees of Goldman Sachs”

  1. The Pedant-General

    I grant you that this one is unlikely, but they could use “septic” for purposes other than the usual rhyme.

  2. My favourite is berk. No spam filter I know of picks that up, and it is of course shortened rhyming slang from “Berkeley Hunt”.

    Anyone need that one translated?

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