\”So, Boss, how we gonna ge\’ tha\’ Marmite contrac\’ \’en?\”
(For yes, Mockney is alive and well.)
\”Well, the way I see it, we\’ve got to create a really good campaign….\”
\”Yer, obvious, innit? Bu\’ wha?
Ang on, ang on, I gorr i\’!
(We\’ll switch to subtitles as glottal stops spray the camera) We get one of those Lancasters, right? Ooo was those two who did the Carling Black Label thing? You know, dambusters, German soldier playing goalie thing. Yeah, them.
Fly it in over Denmark…\’ere, what\’s the capital city of the place? Oslo innit? Lubeck? Yeah, place with the mermaid inna water on a rock, that\’s right. See it coming in low, bomb doors open then pan back to huge cheering crowd singing \”Land of \’Ope N\’ Glory\” as Marmite pots on parachutes shower down on \’em.
Then, then he does that Carling thing. But instead of saying \” I bet he drinks Carling Black Label\” \’e sez \”I\’d do it all again you know. Just to see the look on the children\’s faces as they get their Marmite\”.
Cut away to a series of scenes of glorious blonde moppets being fed Marmite soldiers….\’ere, them Scandy birds \’as all got big tits right? Well that\’s the next couple of weekends sorted as we cast the models then innit? An of course them babbies all start screaming and blubbing at the taste of the black muck don\’t they?
Can\’t get away from that, remember when we had to put the engine oil on that new cat food to get the blighters to eat it it was so awful?
Anyway, massed choir\’s still singing Land of \’Ope but sott voc like, we\’re still showing screaming tots split screen with cheering crowd and Terry Thomas, \’e still goin\’? Yeah, \’im, mustache and voice, sez
\” Marmite, it\’s not whether you like it or not it\’s whether you\’ve the freedom to have it or not\”.
So, what do you think Boss. Boss? Boss!\”
\”I think I\’d like to know where the courier\’s got with that cocaine\”.
\”Oh, \’e came early today and it\’s all gone. Thought that was obvious.\”