Abstain for the All Blacks

No, don\’t laugh, this is the opportunity for some really great social science research.

Telecom Corp., a team sponsor, planned to launch an advertising campaign calling on fans to \”Abstain for the All Blacks\” next week to generate publicity ahead of the September-October tournament, the New Zealand Herald reported.

It said fans would be given black rubber rings to wear to show they were supporting the abstinence campaign, which will be fronted by former All Blacks captain Sean Fitzpatrick.

No, really, it is.

So, what we want to study is the behaviour of people in pubs. Do people go there for a nice chat with whoever happens to be passing by? In which case behaviour will be unchanged regarding those who are wearing such black rings and those who are not.

Alternatively, do people go to pubs in order to get a leg over whoever might seem willing on the night? In which case we\’ll see a definite change in the number of drinks bought for, chat up lines offered to, those wearing such black rings. In extremis we might even see more drinks being offered to the particularly comely as attempts are made to make them forget their black ring.

This is so important an area of research that I fell duty bound to offer myself as a researcher. If a willing brewer or grant maker were to be found I would, purely in the interests of research you understand, undertake to travel to New Zealand during the World Cup in order to observe. It would be necessary to spend much research time in drinking establishments of various kinds, in different locations around the country. Mere observation would not be enough of course, it would be necessary to risk myself as an experimental subject, both ringed and not, at times.

But two months work in order to advance social science in such a manner? Yes, heavy though the burden be, I am willing to put myself forward. You can thank me later, upon publication.

There is even, among the distant relatives, a multiply distant cousin, who was once Captain of the All Blacks I\’m told, so I\’d even have an excuse for supporting them.

Yes, action this day I think: will need time to book the tickets.


10 thoughts on “Abstain for the All Blacks”

  1. A tough sell. Might be a bit easier if they tried it in Scotland; an abstinence campaign during our World Cup would only have to last a couple of weeks.

  2. Which captain was it, Tim?

    Tim adds: That bit I’m afraid I don’t know. Not anyone recent that I had heard of when I heard the name for the one and only time I have.

  3. If anyone wants to wear something that indicates that they’re not having sex why don’t they do the same as the rest of us? Get married and wear a ring.

  4. Tim, there are some RWC games in Hamilton which is merely 20 minutes away from where I live in my rural fastness. If you can’t get a bed in Auckland you would be most welcome here. The pubs in Hamilton would be – hard to avoid the double entendres, isn’t it – very fertile soil for your researches. Slapper central, I think would be the UK term.

  5. I suspect I could locate a place for you to stay in Wellington. And some good dry economists for in between games.

    Tim adds: And Christchurch is simply packed to the rafters with cousinly types as well…..Great uncle Vernon emigrated there in the 20s so that he could become a Catholic.

    So it could be done…..now all we need is that £20k research grant for the beer, game and plane tickets!

  6. I’m a lot closer – Aust to NZ is only a few hours – why not appoint me your proxy? I’m not wearing the damn ring though…

  7. By “proxy” of course I mean “research assistant”. In fact, even if you do make it there, don’t you need a control for the study?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *