On the subject of euphemisms for vagina

This is all a little silly, the idea of washing away the scent of a woman\’s natural perfume. We, the other half of the species (OK, perhaps 98% of the other half of the species) are programmed to be turned on buy said scent after all.

However, on the linguistic point:

As an avid follower of fanny euphemisms I am amazed that not only have Femfresh neglected to call a vagina a vagina but that they have picked a list of words that absolutely no one uses. They may has well have said \”Femfresh is the kindest way to care for your pot plant, brouhaha, wibble, awooga, fnar fnar …\”. Even getting Miranda Hart to read these out for their radio ad campaign doesn\’t make it any more comprehensible.

Such is the English language that actually that would be entirely comprehensible.

\”It cleans yer brouhaha, see, yer awooga. Oh, you know what I mean, the wibble, yer fnar fnar.\”*

Quite why I\’m not entirely sure. Perhaps it\’s because we use so many damn eupehmisms for the squidgy bits that any not understood euphemism is taken to refer to said squidgies.

11 thoughts on “On the subject of euphemisms for vagina”

  1. So Much For Subtlety

    We, the other half of the species (OK, perhaps 98% of the other half of the species) are programmed to be turned on buy said scent after all.

    We may be turned on, but does it follow that we want to buy it?

    I think the main problem with euphemisms for lady parts is the forced humour that tends to go with it. The English seem to be unable to separate said references from bloke-ish banter. Which is all well and fine, but if you’re not in that particular sub-group or don’t care much for that type of jolly sniggering it is a tad hard to work out what they are referring to.

  2. So Much For Subtlety

    Blue Burmese – “Calling it a cunt takes away the ambiguity but for some reason, women don’t like it…”

    This seems to be a fairly universal phenomenon across the world. At least in my experience. So cultural or biological? Nature or nurture? Either way perhaps women do not like the idea that their appeal to (at least some men) is basically brutally biological. They want to feel special. Hence the need to believe in romance despite the fact that virtually no one takes the girls with the nice personality to the ball if they can possibly avoid it.

    However on the subject of removing said smell, it does not matter whether men like it or not. From a marketing point of view what matters is whether you can drive women insane by the thought that it merely exists to the point they will buy your product. After all, if they realised men were fine with the smell, they wouldn’t have to buy anything. They might even, as with Josephine, save on water (Napoleon regularly writing to Josephine something along the lines of “Honey I am coming home soon. Stop taking baths”.)

  3. SMFS,

    Either way perhaps women do not like the idea that their appeal to (at least some men) is basically brutally biological. They want to feel special. Hence the need to believe in romance despite the fact that virtually no one takes the girls with the nice personality to the ball if they can possibly avoid it.

    It’s about testing out a man as a provider. They know you want to bump uglies, would like to bump uglies too, but want to know that after he’s bumped uglies that he’s going to stick around to raise the children.

  4. But it’s not all about testing out a man as a provider – women go after ugly bumping (had to look that one up, as a euphemism I’ve not come across before I obviously instantly thought it meant “cunt” but clearly that wouldn’t work) for the pure carnal hell of it too.

    Maybe you should start worrying if you find it on your wife’s shopping list.

  5. There are so many advertising slogans they could have gone with. For instance

    “It’s twat everyone is talking about!”

    Picking up on Tim’s point, would anyone recognise “her map of Tasmania” as a euphemism? It’s peculiar to Australia I believe, but should be obvious enough if you consult an atlas…

  6. Amanda Fucking Palmer, of New York extraction although married to an Englishman, loved Map Of Tasmania so much she made a concept album. Recommended.

    There’s a definite primness cascade running US -> UK -> Australia. American ladies decide that you’re the lowest scum on earth if you say ‘cunt’ even in reported speech.

    UK ladies aren’t flapped by the term, but don’t want their own flaps described thusly.

    And Aussie ladies are quite happy to refer to their own cunts, either when they’re fucking you or when they aren’t.

  7. punani
    Aunt mary
    Axe wound
    Bald man in a boat
    Bearded clam
    Blart
    Boris
    Chuff

    From Roger’s profanisaurus and it’s only the A and B’s.

  8. My boy does a whole riff on the fact that any noun can be turned into an adjective that means ‘pissed’. Eg “I got really lawnmowered last night”.

    That’s the beauty of English English. It’s all in the context and tone of voice.

  9. “American ladies decide that you’re the lowest scum on earth if you say ‘cunt’ even in reported speech.”

    Unless you’re a Leftist using it to refer to a conservative female politician.

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