Allow me to translate this publishing blurb for you

It has always been something I have wanted to do. Whenever I read classics from authors such as Charlotte Brontë, I was drawn to the underlying sexual tension between the characters. I would often think about the potential \”uncensored versions\” that the original authors were unable or unwilling to include. After all, a lot of these stories are, at the heart, romances. This was the seed of the idea that has led to the newly launched Clandestine Classics, risqué remakes of classics including Jane Eyre and Pride and Prejudice.

Readers will finally be able to read what the books could have been like if erotic romance had been acceptable in that day and age, redefining the boundaries and bringing the classics to a new generation of readers. We\’re keeping the works as close to the originals as possible. It\’s not our intention to rewrite them, but to add a deeper relationship and character development to them; to enhance rather than to distort. Our authors are co-authoring these books, adding the \”missing\” scenes for readers to enjoy.

This should in fact read:

\”We\’ve a few hacks around who can manage sex scenes. But none of them have a clue about plot of a story. So to make some quick cash we\’re sticking the sex scenes into other peoples\’ plots and stories.\”

Kaching! Trebles all round.

That the sexual tension rather vanishes when everyone is getting their rocks off seems to have slipped under the radar screen there.

11 thoughts on “Allow me to translate this publishing blurb for you”

  1. Tim Newman: I agree, I suspect that the books will have been checked by a proofreader, unlike the asstr.org stories.

    Anyway, hasn’t this idea already been done several times over? I thought I read an article a few years ago about a sexed-up version of Austen’s stories billed as long-lost scenes by the author, the article was about Amazon reviewers who believed the wrap story.

  2. They need to combine this pr0n version with the zombie versions that were all the rage last year. Now that’d be REAL niche marketing!

  3. “They need to combine this pr0n version with the zombie versions that were all the rage last year. Now that’d be REAL niche marketing!”

    Steamporn.

  4. That the sexual tension rather vanishes when everyone is getting their rocks off seems to have slipped under the radar screen there.

    Ex-ACT-ly; and not just sexual tension, but narrative tension. Nineteenth century literature simply seethes with people who can’t claim their inheritance, or who can’t marry the person they want, because of issues around legitimacy, property and the difficulty of divorce and remarriage. Pretty much anything Wilkie Collins wrote, for a start, involves some kind of convoluted will problem, usually complicated by illegitimacy.

    Only let the characters sleep with whomever they wish and you don’t just lose the hang-ups about divorce, remarriage, sex and the rest of it: you lose any fictional plotline which ever depended on it. And that’s most of the classic corpus.

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