No, no, you stupid bloody bastards

Australia’s sports minister, Kate Lundy, gamely rowed down the Paralympic course at Eton Dorney wearing a Great Britain shirt yesterday after losing a wager with her British counterpart.

OK, that\’s fair, good on yer n\’all.

before Mr Robertson met her at the finish with a glass of champagne.

That\’s fair too. Pay up your forfeit in a bet, celebrate the bet and the sportsmanship afterwards.

Miss Lundy was at least spared the humiliation of having to complete her 1km row in a single scull in front of thousands of people, as she was allowed to wait until the public had gone home before she set off.

No, dear God, no. Vast cheering crowds, waving Vegemite sandwiches dipped on the rowing water, kangaroos being raped by wallabies (or would it be the other way around?), convicts in chains refusing to board waterside barges. You rub their faces in your effortless superiority before becoming all magnanimous.

How the hell do you think we ever got an Empire? Or Australia ever win a Test Match?

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