Quite firebreathing

Here’s an opportunity for redemption. The First Vice President of the Iranian government has announced that Iran will “track and pursue” the maker of the film that is the pretext for the spate of riots breaking out in the ME.

The appropriate response: touch a hair on his head, and we’ll obliterate every Iranian government facility. Then we’ll make the rubble bounce for grins. He exercised his rights as an American. Problem with that? Talk to the B-2.

As Palmerston said about Don Pacifico. Civis romanus sum.

36 thoughts on “Quite firebreathing”

  1. Even better, the B2 will drop on Tehran, a million copies of Salman Rushdie’s Satanic Verses, Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion and Christopher Hitchens, God is Not Great, all translated into Persian.

  2. Don’t forget the couple of thousand copies of Playboy, Penthouse, Viz comic and especially Asian Babes (not that I’ve ever read any of them, apart from Viz that is).

  3. @SE: ‘’ll see your Warthog and raise you Puff / Spectre.’

    I have seen those in action and they are truly terrifying. The noise from 1km away is literally awe-inspiring. You cannot imagine how anyone, or anything, can survive, and yet they do.

  4. You guys aren’t taking this seriously are you?

    I suppose for some people that’s OK – I mean, neither does the Obama administration

  5. And remember – the movie embarassed the Nobel Peace Prize Winner in Chief and hey presto, the filmmaker’s been arrested. This has caused a fair amount of comment on the other side of the pond

  6. Exploiting this ias a genuine casus belli against the Iranian regime would potentially yield a bonanza. Rather than simply taking out government facilities, a concerted effort to kill Republican Guard and Basiji militia forces would almost certainly bring down the mullahs while punishing some of the most vile individuals ever to walk the earth. The great thing about B-2s is they can be used in a decapitation strike. If, at 3am one day, every Guard barracks got four dozen JDAMs through the roof several tens of thousands of them would be dead before they knew they were under attack. It would be a cost-free operation.

  7. It would be a cost-free operation.

    It might not immediately cost any American lives but, otherwise and in nearly every sense, that is a very silly statement.

    For a start, the collateral damage to innocent Iranians is likely to be reasonably significant. Even if you assume that every Republican Guard is an evil individual deserving of expedient uniting with their God.

  8. If we want to defeat the Iranians all we need do is leave them alone.

    The forthcoming Sunni/Shia war will sort all that out. The last thing we need to do is give them a common enemy to unite against. That’s been the playbook of every corrupt Muslim despot since ’67.

    The winners of the war will either be a tired and moderated Islamic community that wishes to engage with the 21st century (and the other 5 billion people they share the planet with), or a bunch of psychopathic death-loving medievalists (who the other 5 billion will kick the crap out of).

    By the time the civil war ends we won’t need their oil anymore, anyway. As Matt Damon’s broker character says in ‘Syriana’: “They think that a hundred years ago you were living in tents out here in the desert chopping each other’s heads off and that’s where you’ll be in another hundred years.”

  9. You can tell I’m a very old man.

    When a friend told me the American ambassador had been murdered, we agreed – he’s older than me – that his could mean war.

    Having watched two items on the BBC news at six, I thought that my friend had been mistaken. But no, there it was. The third most important story.

    And as far as Obama is concerned, it’s just a piece of shit to hit the fan so close to the election.

    I have no idea how I’m going to explain this to my pretend friend from Alpha Centauri… friend

  10. I like the firebreather’s message. Perhaps he can work on another for the US where by asset forfeiture they can take our property without charges (to skirt our property rights they charge our property and the burden of proof falls to us) — hell, now they can kill us without charges or trial. The right to exercise our rights as Americans doesn’t seem as strong as it used to.

  11. I think we should all write to the Iranian embassy to express our disapproval of their plans to harm the maker of this film- Piers Morgan.

  12. One way or the other, the West will probably have to go to war with Iran. Perhaps I should have phrased that as ‘lowest cost operation’. All other scenarios I can envisage involve much more bloodshed and definitely more collateral damage to Iran. The Israelis will not let the mullahs get their hands on a nuclear weapon. But they simply don’t have the force projection capability of the US. Usually the best way to minimise friendly/neutral casualties is to so thoroughly and rapidly extirpate the enemy that it’s over before he can retaliate. Look at the casualty figures for the Six Days’ War, when Israel destroyed the Arab belligerents’ air forces on the ground with those sustained in the Yom Kippur War.

  13. We’ve been at war with Iran for a few years. Like most wars its fought in the media first for a while.
    The idea of sending in the USAF to drop bombs is raised every time America invades somewhere (note – it does not declare war). Sending the planes simply to drop lots of bombs and win the war isn’t done because the next day on Al-jazera and other channels would be pictures of dead kids, dead housewives and probably a school blown up. Even if someone has to manufacture the evidence.

  14. A lot of people with a surprising knowledge of middle eastern politics, US military capabilities and the likely outcome of military strikes on Iran….is there anyone, like me, who has no idea what would happen if the US started lobbing bombs into Iran?

  15. a surprising knowledge of middle eastern politics

    They all hate each other. Even the ones who by the usual excuse (religion), probably shouldn’t.

    US military capabilities

    Are mostly public. And much demonstrated on our TVs the last few years. Except Armageddon of course.

    the likely outcome of military strikes on Iran

    Iran, its allies and a whole bunch of other people who think that we’re infidel crusades strike out at, because they don’t have the ability to hit the USA, anything convenient. For quite a lot of them, that will be Israel.

  16. Luke, a very randon guess would be that Russia – who receives a shedload of money from Iran by selling them weapons, equipment, uranium and lessons in guerilla warfare – will reply by cutting off all oil supplies to Western Europe. This will be followed by every Middle Eastern oil producing country – not because they sided with Iran but because an ‘infidel’ Government attacked a Muslim Government, as corrupt as it was (but then, all Muslim Governments are corrupt, almost as corrupt as the Western ones) following suit. The reduction in oil supplies will force the Western powers to threaten physical force, to which the Middle Eastern countries will reply, “Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough.” The Western powers will think they are hard enough and the first response will be by tactical non-nuclear weapons. The Western powers will then suffer from internal strife caused by the large number of Middle Eastern immigrants allowed into their respective countries unchecked due to the ultra-left wing policies of the various Governments overseen by the non-elected cretins in the EU. An anti-Muslim tsunami will then flow through Western Europe, carrying along with it all Muslims, good or bad; people who like Muslims; people who know Muslims and people who walked by a mosque on their way to work. No one will trust any one else. Everyone will be your potential enemy or 5th columnist. A draconian martial law will be imposed throughout the US and Western Europe. Eventually, some madman will come to power – if he/she is not there already, and will authorise the ultimate strike. Mecca will be reduced to dust as a show of “stuff you, Mohammed, I’m in charge” and every single remaing person who was not affected before will become affected now. The nuclear winter will take over removing, amongst any survivors, the worries about global warming. The lack of oil will matter not a jot as no one will have a car or machine to operate. A number of years later, Mr Ug will walk out of his cave, look around and say to Mrs Ug, “That went well, I thought.”
    Mind you, this is just my opinion. I’m sure that there are those who will suggest we’ll all sit round a campfire, sing “Cumbaya”, share a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea before retiring, happily, to our respective beds.

  17. Penseivat @ #25 – Nah.

    1. Not enough Muslims in the Western countries to cause the tsunami – even if they all jumped onboard the bombwagon.

    2. Neither enough bombs in Islamist hands nor enough relevant targets in Islamist lands for enough buckets of instant sunshine to be required to do the fimbulwinter thing.

    Oil may be short. Singers of “Cumbaya” may be shot as traitors. Bacon sarnies will still be eaten.

  18. Ross – you are in danger of committing countryside, oh, and winning muchly.

    Re the planes – round here we often have the last Vulcan taken for a spin, it is the most beautiful and terrifying hellbeast that mankind has ever created. It looks too damn big to fly and the noise suggests the air is being torn apart by demonic engines. (link below takes you to vids of it).

    http://tinyurl.com/9p6wdrl

  19. blokeinfrance – “In the War of Jenkins’ Ear, did we get Jenkins’ ear back?”

    Nice reference but was it ever lost? I seem to remember the guy waved it around Parliament while ranting about the need for war.

    There is no point bombing Iran. The Islamists there are finished. We ought to be preparing a time when the Yanks can send lots of Mormon missionaries and they can become a decent country full of reasonable people.

  20. Luke, a very randon guess would be that Russia – who receives a shedload of money from Iran by selling them weapons, equipment, uranium and lessons in guerilla warfare – will reply by cutting off all oil supplies to Western Europe.

    I doubt it. Russia needs the oil money badly, and I doubt the Russian public are willing to endure severe hardship (for that is what such a policy will bring, even without retaliatory sanctions) for the sake of Iranians. I’m not convinced the Russians are the disposable sheep they once were.

  21. Pensivet & SE, we will not be able to eat bacon sarnies. Didn’t you hear that global warming will mean that bacon will get very expensive? That’s because it is the cause of the drought in the US where all the food to feed the pigs comes from. At least that’s what the climate scientists are telling us via the media.

    Anyway, we don’t need a tsunami of Muslims, it’ll be a guerilla war so you only need a handful of terrorists to cause enough disruption and fear for all Muslims to be locked up.

  22. it’ll be a guerilla war so you only need a handful of terrorists to cause enough disruption and fear for all Muslims to be locked up.

    Well, we’ve had several slack handfuls of Salafist terrorists over the past few years and the (clearly of the Islamic faith and actually rather orthodox despite selling booze to infidels) gent who runs the corner shop is still surprisingly at liberty?

    I think you under-estimate the resilience of the British public.

  23. SE and SBML, I perhaps didn’twrite it correctly, but the tsunami I referred to was that of all the Muslims, friends of, people who know them, and others in their vicinity being ‘washed away’ by the anti-Muslim feeling – “If you’re not certain if someone is your friend or enemy, shoot them first and then find out” – kind of thing. With regards to the bacon sarnies, which will happen first, the destruction of civilisation or the disappearance of that delectable food, ‘cos sure as a penny to a pinch of sh*t, one will follow the other?

  24. Penseivat,

    If you’re not certain if someone is your friend or enemy, shoot them first and then find out.

    But we’re not French?

    Seriously, I really do think you under-estimate the resilience of the British public. Under years of IRA bombing, what happened in Great Britain*? A few micks were fitted up by lazy cops. There was a bit of non-specific anti-Irish feeling, but then there was back in the 1950s as well, so I’m not sure how much of that was a reaction to the threat of violence as opposed to general in-group bias.

    * Deliberately not “the UK”.

  25. I think I’d prefer a woprld wherev the anerican government wasn’t quite that powerful.

    Remeber also that the US government already senfs out its own execution squads, in the form of remotely controlled aerial vehicles (UAVs) to kill people it doesn’t like, including ASnerican citizens conviste of no crime. When Obama does that how is he more civilised than the Ayatollahs (though I grant UAVs are more advanced, technologically, than old fashioned assassins)?

  26. When Obama does that how is he more civilised than the Ayatollahs

    Well, there are a few answers to that.

    Let’s assume that you aren’t a Quaker, Buddhist or somebody else with a clear moral aversion to the state killing in all circumstances. Which includes, for example, a policeman not being allowed to shot an axe-wielding manic about to kill a small child. And disbanding all armies.

    So, on some, albeit more or less restricted, ocassions, the agents of the state are permitted to kill people.

    We’ll also ignore the due process clause of the US Constitution – remember that a lot of the Americans screaming about UAVs are doing so because Obama is perfectly happy to kill American nationals as well as evil furriners.

    Obama is, arguably, more civilised because he is attacking people who clearly pose an existential threat to American lives and would love to pose an existential threat to America. The mullahs are calling on other people to attack people who don’t share their religious views. There is a qualitative difference. Just as there is a qualitative difference between a uniformed soldier (or armed policeman) and an IED. They’ll both kill you but …

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