Englishman explains bad Mexican fast food to Americans by use of analogy with Scottish cult food

When “marketing strategist” Laura Ries said that a Doritos taco wouldn’t turn Taco Bell into “a more authentic Mexican restaurant”, Joseph Alexiou responded, quite rightly, that she “clearly has no clue about what attracts people to Taco Bell”. After tasting one of these abominations yesterday, I can attest that it is a truly nasty thing: an unidentifiably oleaginous brown gloop acting as glue between two sides of a radioactive-orange shell which tastes like someone dropped a pound of salt into a vat of Irn-Bru and then solidified the result.

If you know what Irn-Bru is it works. But how many Americans do?

16 thoughts on “Englishman explains bad Mexican fast food to Americans by use of analogy with Scottish cult food”

  1. The great thing about blogging, on the other hand, is that in the Felix piece “Irn Bru” is a link. So he’s edumacating Merkins about the excellence of this fine beverage at the same time as explaining the rest.

  2. Irn Bru is actually commonly available in “imported from UK” stores and aisle in the States. According to Ms S-E who both spends more time State-side than me and actually drinks the revolting concoction.

  3. Americans should be aware of Irn Bru.

    I believe Irn Bru is the only fizzy soft drink that outsells Coke or Pepsi in any single country in the world.

  4. My guess is Cuba (where it’s grey-imported from Mexico and sold at dollar prices, compared to the local equivalent which you can buy for pesos with ration coupons) and Iran (where it’s officially banned) would stand alongside Scotland in that pantheon.

  5. Am I just homesick after a year in Canada or does a solidified pound of salt/irn bru vat sound quite good?

  6. Indeed, Shinsei67 and johnB. Also Peru where the excellent Inca Cola has always outsold both Coke and Pepsi, despite resembling horse piss.

  7. Am I just homesick after a year in Canada or does a solidified pound of salt/irn bru vat sound quite good?

    Somewhere a man with access to a deep fat fryer is reading this and indulging awful, awful thoughts…

  8. I can’t believe that anyone on the Taco Bell board, or even in their marketing department actually thinks that TB would, could ever be anything close enough to mexican food that you would say it was on the same continent.

    Nobody eats at TB because its “authentic”, they eat at TB because its cheap.

  9. Shinsei67

    ‘Although Inca Cola (Peru) is half-owned by Coca’

    True, a relatively recent purchase by Coke because it was the only way to put themselves in the top-selling spot.

  10. Thank you David @ 12. A mystery solved that’s been bugging for best part of 2 years. My lass drinks the stuff when we can find it. Bit of home. I knew I’d tasted similar but couldn’t remember where.
    On the authenticity of Taco Bell’s “brown gloop acting as glue between two sides of a radioactive-orange shell “; one thing I’ve learnt from eating with people from far flung climes is you can never tell what they’ll find delicious. It’s just as likely, that particular concoction is the ideal every Mexican housewife strives for & fails to accomplish. The filling description certainly closely resembles what a Mexican g/f used to knock up as chilli con carne. Masses of salt, sugar & chocolate went into it.
    Come to think of it, there’s a few things in the Brit menu don’t bear examination. For instance what a chippy does to an innocent fillet of fish.

  11. Here in Phoenix we judge the quality of Mexican restaurants by counting the number of cars with Sonora license plates in their parking lot.

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