Oh well done Mr. Speaker, Well Done!

John Bercow’s attempt to call time on Westminster’s hard-drinking culture was in tatters last night after plans for a total ‘no-alcohol’ policy for Commons staff were ditched.

The Speaker has taken action to curb excessive drinking at the Commons after Labour MP Eric Joyce assaulted colleagues in a Westminster bar. Waiters are now told to top up glasses less frequently and provide more non-alcoholic drinks.

But radical plans to tackle consumption among parliamentary staff – by banning drinking at work – have now been scrapped by Commons managers.

MPs get drunk. So we\’ll stop not MPs from drinking.

What did we do to the universe to deserve this ignorant little berk as one of the paramount commoners of the nation?

20 thoughts on “Oh well done Mr. Speaker, Well Done!”

  1. On the face of it, I think I prefer the first wave, the whole marching down the street banging tambourines thing. At least last time we got some good brass bands and choirs out of it all.

  2. But tell me in what other job are you allowed to drink at work? And yes, that should apply to MPs as much as anyone else.

  3. “Waiters are now told to top up glasses less frequently”

    With wine that has already been purchased, presumably. How does that help?

  4. ” Waiters are now told to top up glasses less frequently….”
    Are we to learn from that, the Honorable Members are too fucking bone idle to tilt their own wine bottles now? Can’t believe even that bunch of numbskulls wouldn’t have at least some grasp of the technique needed.

  5. Pat – the more time they spend in the pub or nursing hangovers, the less harm they will do. It’s always the sober ones who have plenty of time to think up cunning new ways to fleece us.

  6. Gordon Brown was virtually teetotal, wasn’t he? Maybe we should be force-feeding them grain alcohol before Cabinet meetings.

  7. “What did we do to the universe to deserve this ignorant little berk as one of the paramount commoners of the nation?”
    “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
    But in ourselves, that we are underlings.”

    Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)

  8. But tell me in what other job are you allowed to drink at work?

    Incredibly, we were in our French offices until only a year ago (wine was available in the staff canteen), and even now it’s been banned some of the older guys still drink it at lunch. I’m sure all the other oil companies banned it at least a decade ago.

  9. Pat – I am sure that there are still many people who pop out for a pint at lunch. All the drinking-establishments in the City are hardly there for passing trade.

  10. Well of course, it used to be routine in many jobs. Dunno what theatre is like these days (I left a long while ago now) but in my day it was effectively obligatory. I can still remember the effect on my pay packets of adhering to the convention that the chief had to take the fit up crew to the pub at lunchtime and buy everyone a drink. Cost a bloody fortune.

    Mind you, people don’t even get pay packets these days, do they?

    Still, in my current business (one man internet band) I can have a drink whenever I want, and I smoke at work too. What an appalling person I am. That’s the benefit of being your own boss.

    The downside is you make yourself work ridiculously long hours, and don’t pay yourself adequate overtime. I’m thinking of going on strike; that’ll teach me a lesson!

  11. Perhaps if they were sober at Parliament they would realise how out of control their legislating is and how much of a burden the state has become

    Breath test them before voting. Let them suffer in a bureaucratic, prodnose mire like the rest of us.

  12. Well the government tell us that the price of alcohol affects consumption.
    And the taxpayer subsidises the Westminster bars and restaurants by £5 million a year.
    So there is an easy thing to do in order to reduce the level of drinking at Westminster.
    And it would save public money as well.
    Funny how nobody in Westminster is proposing it then.

  13. So Much for Subtlety

    I used to work in a job where lunchtime drinking was the norm. I worked with a guy who used to work at a Bank that may still exist. Not sure. But the Senior Management thereof used to consume serious amounts of alcohol at lunch. To the effect that little or no work was done in the afternoon. Didn’t seem to do them any harm.

    Nonetheless I approve of Bercow’s efforts. Not because he isn’t a pillock of almost Ritchie-like stature (when adjusted for his position), but because these toads have been churning out regulations for the rest of us for generations. While all the time making sure they do not apply to themselves – they have the cheapest bar in London for instance. Let the f*ckers suffer the H&S hazards the rest of us do. Force them to give up the chips and go on a lentil diet too. That will sober the c*nts up and perhaps we might get some sensible legislation.

  14. You asked what did we do to deserve this vertically challenged mini man – is he not the poison chalice left to us by the great broon?

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