I chase him. I bite him. Bad man. He tasty. Good boy. Good boy Peach.

The Crown Prosecution Service got a little confused and asked for a statement from PC Peach. Who is a police dog.

At which point the handler filled out an evidence form with the above statement and posted it on a notice board as a little prank.

Do note that this was not actually filed. It is a little bit of ribbing at a silly mistake: something which could indeed happen to anyone and the ribbing that follows would indeed happen to anyone.

At which point
:

The CPS, however, failed to see the funny side. Officials are believed to have complained to police that their mistake has been turned into a very public joke.

Kill them. Kill them with fire, raze the building, plough the land with salt and sell the population into bondage.

It was PG Wodehouse, I am convinced, who did much to stay the advance of Mosely and fascism in general in Britain pre-WWII. The whole joke of Roddy Spode and his black footy bags made us (well, OK, them in the past) laugh at the pretensions of this utterly \’orrible oick. That perfect perisher never before seen in one\’s puff.

Those who would have power over us, the bureaucracy, the politicians, the civil servants, don\’t care either way if we hate them or love them, as long as we do as we\’re told. But for us to be contemtuous of them, to laugh at them, would be and is unbearable. Thus the CPS complaint.

And thus why they must all burn.

33 thoughts on “I chase him. I bite him. Bad man. He tasty. Good boy. Good boy Peach.”

  1. Utter morons, who would strangle any last trace of humanity from the justice system and ruin the best bit of PR the police have had for ages…

  2. The Economist study of why Sweden’s public sector performs so much better than Britain’s does suggested that at least one factor is the culture of transparency in Sweden.

  3. The best way of bringing down pretentious twats like those at the CPS (not all at CPS, just the ones who complained) is to laugh at them. The more you laugh at them, the more wound up they get to till the expose themselves for being the twats that they are.

  4. It’s the people who know they’re performing badly who are most sensitive to criticism. And we desperately need to show them up.

    As for Wodehouse, let’s not forget the valiant work of Beachcomber (JB Morton) labouring in the same vineyard over many decades.

  5. So Much for Subtlety

    Is it too much of a minor point to complain that the dog should have ascertained whether the suspect was a bad man before biting him? That is, it ought to go:

    “I chase him. Bad man. I bite him. He tasty. Good boy. Good boy Peach.”

  6. Is it too much of a minor point to complain that the dog should have ascertained whether the suspect was a bad man before biting him?

    Yes. Frankly. That’s what we have police dog handlers for. That the dog might be much more capable of deciding which side is ‘right’ rather than the extensively trained plod is hardly the mutt’s fault.

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  8. Don’t kill them – and don’t say kill them. You don’t mean it and post breivik (if it ever was before) it’s neither funny nor smart. Laugh at them, make them unemployed, humiliate them. All fine. But enough with the hempen and lampposts, please.

  9. A couple of things – it’s not clear from the article, are police dogs actually referred to as ‘PC’ or was that part of their cockup? But if they are that’s awesome.

    And they put the pawprint (along with an “X”) in the witnessed spot. Normally that’s used for someone signing in the signature line with their mark, with the (literate) witness signing alongside. I wonder if that was intentional by the alleged malefactor, and the defense will be “it was clearly improperly filled out, and should have been returned for correction”?

  10. Oh, for fuck’s sake, Ambrose, of course he doesn’t mean it, and it is funny. It’s hyperbole. Lighten up. Or I’ll kill you.

  11. That is, the defense against any perverting the course of justice or filing false statement type charges they try to trump up against him.

  12. @LTW:

    The CPS raised the request for a statement as they simply misread, or perhaps it was mistyped, PD Peach (i.e. Police Dog Peach) as PC Peach.

    Regardless, even if it was a typo by the police, it is clear that the CPS has had a complete sense of humour failure.

    Hempen ropes and lamp-posts are somewhat excessive for this problem, but a senior CPS official, telling his underlings to “Get a fucking grip” is probably in order.

  13. D and C are quite close on the keyboard – that could well be it. I’d give a lot to see the original report though, it may read along the lines of “PC Peach apprehended the suspect by the ankle”. Perhaps that’s why they were so anxious to get a statement!

  14. I remember RAF Police dog handlers used to get very upset when we showed our ID to the dogs instead of them. So much in fact that it was put into station orders that we should stop.

  15. ….With a name like Peach, do you think he might be gay?….

    The police have allegedly employed homosexual horses, thought you could arrested for mentioning it.

  16. Obviously *someone* is a moron, because there is a quote to support the fact that the incident is being ‘investigated’.. but we don’t know that anyone at the CPS is a moron.. for when you put ‘it is believed’ through the Daily Mail translatorfish, you get ‘we’ve not got a fuckin’ scooby doo.. but it suits the story’

  17. @Serf:

    “….With a name like Peach, do you think he might be gay?….”

    Enough of that now, in a Police Dog, the term is not “Gay” but “Differently Motivated”.

    The fact that he was caught buggering the drug squads Staffie is neither here nor there.

  18. So Much for Subtlety

    The Meissen Bison – “With a name like Peach, do you think he might be gay?”

    Would that be better or worse than being named after Blair Peach?

  19. So Much for Subtlety

    Surreptitious Evil – “Yes. Frankly. That’s what we have police dog handlers for. That the dog might be much more capable of deciding which side is ‘right’ rather than the extensively trained plod is hardly the mutt’s fault.”

    The dog might but if we have handlers for that, and God I hope we do, the dog still needs to know that the man is bad before he bites him. The handler has to tell him so. You don’t want a police dog chasing or biting anyone before he has been told to do so.

    8 Surreptitious Evil – “If we are ascribing decision-making powers to PD Peach, shouldn’t it be Bad man. I chase him …”

    Actually that occurred to me the second I posted it. Staircase wit as usual.

  20. As the worlds greatest fan of the Austrian TV series “Rex police commissioner” I firmly believe that the canine division has the highest IQ (possibly) and certainly the highest ethical standards in the whole force.

    Dogs are incapable of lying or falsifying evidence, they can read a person’s behaviour better than most people and they have exceptional physical courage and endurance.

    Furthermore their need to demonstrate their masculinity is limited generally to pissing on lampposts and sniffing lady dogs softer parts rather than shooting unarmed brazilians or carriers of table legs.

    All police recruits should be recruited for their dog-like characteristics and trained accordingly.

  21. While agreeing with the majority of your post, cuffleyburgers, I must take issue with “As the worlds greatest fan of the Austrian TV series

  22. WTF?

    “As the worlds greatest fan of the Austrian TV series “Rex police commissioner”

    Er, no. That would _still_ be me. Kommissar Rex rules!

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