So who\’s been shagging whom?

David Cameron has held crisis talks at Downing Street after being told of allegations of a sensational love affair which has potentially significant political implications for him.

For legal reasons, The Mail on Sunday cannot disclose the identities of the people involved or any details of the relationship – even its duration – other than that they are middle-aged figures. The affair has now concluded.

But this newspaper can report that when aides told Mr Cameron the identities of the alleged lovers he was ‘stunned’, and, according to sources, ‘immediately realised the importance of the story’.

The Prime Minister and his aides also discussed the possible fallout should details of the affair become public – and how such disclosure could ‘blow out of the water’ any major political set pieces planned by No 10.

One senior source told this newspaper last night: ‘This revelation is dynamite. None of us could believe it when we first heard it. Then we just thought, “What a complete mess”.’

The source added that, apart from the political implications, the revelation had caused ‘great personal distress to innocent parties’.

It is understood that the Prime Minister was told of the relationship – which does not involve anyone serving in the Cabinet – within the past few weeks. 

So, not current cabinet.
But that\’s rather a clue as to at least one of them having been cabinet formerly. Maybe.
So, did Tony Blair dally with Maggie? Hmm, no, currently middle aged. Which, these days, is about anything from 30 to pension age really. Anne Widdicombe with Angela Eagle? No, not really middle aged any more. Yvette Cooper and Ed Miliband? Can\’t see that that would worry Cameron really. Can\’t be Boris because who would be surprised? Unless it were Boris and George Galloway or something.
So, who do you think it is?
Sadly, there is one restriction on this fun game. If you actually know who it is then don\’t tell us publicly for those \”legal reasons\” that the Mail mentions. All speculations must be entirely untrue.

59 thoughts on “So who\’s been shagging whom?”

  1. It would have to be Boris Johnson and a member of the Royal Family. But you can relax Tim, anything based on a story in the Mail is almost certain to be false.

  2. I’m trying to think what affair would “blow out of the water” any political set pieces. It’s not like Cam’s been doing anything like “back to basics” and moralising about sex.

    But that also suggests we’re not talking Labour here, as why would Cam care? And actually, there’s only a few ex-Coalition ministers.

  3. So Much For Subtlety

    Obviously Kenneth Clarke and Nadine Dorries innit? I mean she has got form and he is the last person you would suspect.

    I notice that none of the peers who look like being done are real peers. Two jumped up Labour politicians and some idiot from Northern Ireland who wants Ulster gibberish to be declared a language on par with English and Gaelic.

  4. After Boris and Huhne had their affairs taken with a shrug (except by Mrs Huhne) it is implausible that a mid-ranking politician having an affair would blow anything out of the water

  5. Aren’t we jumping a little to conclusions, here? This is the year of the ‘gay marriage’ debate. Let’s not restrict the field.

  6. It’s just a spoiler to keep ‘Tory sleaze’ off the front page of the main middle England paper. A Tory non sex scandal gets people playing this guessing game and distracted from the much more damaging corruption story.

  7. I agree with john77 – given it is not a current cabinet minister – it is difficult to see what could possibly blow the government off course. The only possibility that comes to mind is a very senior Royal and a member of the shadow cabinet. A minor conservative having an affair is not likely to do much except take up a few pages in the papers.

  8. I can see the writs flying in Tim’s general direction already, cf Bercow’s twatter incident.

  9. Harry Cole (Guido Fawkes’s side-kick) tweeted that the clue to their identity was on the Daily Mail front page. One had to “follow the dots”.

    I’ll leave Da Vinci Code code-breaker types to take it from there…..

  10. Ian: Is that why he’s trying to talk up doctor’s pensions, to make things up to his wife?

  11. Surely the culprits are every MP and the electorate. They’ve been fucking us for years.

  12. Alex: Wouldn’t that be wonderful, poetic justice eh?

    She wears the pants anyway (most of his eco-bullshit will be from her) and then to be cuckolded by Johnson.

    AHHHHHHBAHHHHHHAWWWHAWWHAWWW.

    I hope its true.
    It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

  13. Alex>

    Seems unlikely to me. The Camerons must be a true love match. There’s no way anyone would be with either if they didn’t have the misfortune to be in love with them. Meanwhile, Boris can do a hell of a lot better than her. Surprising as it may seem, he does pretty well with the ladies.

    Following the Curry/Major revelations, the only thing I can think of which would still be genuinely shocking would be if it’s the Milliband brothers. Even a long-term polyamorous relationship would merit no more than a mildly raised eyebrow in comparison to the idea that there was a second woman who found Major attractive enough to sleep with.

  14. Oh, if it were them (allegedly) it would be pretty explicable. She: beta female married to beta male. He: alpha male with opportunity to conquer wife of said beta male, who is a rival.

    Hypothetically, of course. The Camerons may be a “love match”, but love and sex are not so closely coupled as people think they are, or would like them to be idealistically.

  15. @Dave/IanB: Even after Cameron’s relatively short time in politics, I can’t imagine that there are many circumstaces uder which he would be “stunned” on hearing about an affair, particularly as it does not involve a cabinet member. And for it to be political dynamite it would have to involve, Cameron, his wife or HM the Queen, and not some Downing St gofer. I think we can rule Her Maj, which leaves us with either Cameron (who is presumably stunned because he didn’t realise it was happening, out of touch etc…. ) or his fragrant wife. If it turned out to be the latter then serious questions would arise as to the paternity of the many children his wife bore in the first decade of this centry. This in turn would have ramifications for the well-established principles of nepotism and preferrment that have developed in this country to establish the careers of the offspring of our national leaders.

  16. I think we can rule out the paternity question. All the evidence we have is that that tow-headed allele is, like he who spreads it around, aggressively dominant.

  17. Either that, or Prince Edward and Michael Ball has finally escaped the “we don’t talk about that” category.

  18. Dave: “the only thing I can think of which would still be genuinely shocking would be if it’s the Milliband brothers”

    Is this what Tebbit was on about? Are they worried that this revelation is going to blow the gay marriage bill off course?

  19. Of course, then there’s the stomach-churning concept of some sort of sexual coupling involving Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper.

  20. Alex>

    The words used in the article didn’t necessarily imply it was political dynamite. It might be something that would be a major distraction from a political set-piece.

  21. I’ve just realised who the man is. Bloody Hell! A nation will gasp with surprise and then rock with laughter.

  22. My guess goes with the Middleton’s, they have only just appeared on the scene the last few years, as a trolly dolly, she would have had a lot of opportunity for that stuff and the consequences a decade ago wouldn’t have been anything. Would a revelation now question the father of Kate, that would blow the lid off things as alluded to here, time for the DM to light the blue touch paper.

  23. I’m guessing Nigel Evans and Sam Cam.

    Other than that the only thing I can suggest is that if it isn’t a current cabinet member, it could involve the partner of a current cabinet member.

  24. @Dave:
    The words used in the article didnt necessarily imply it was political dynamite.

    One senior source told this newspaper last night: ‘This revelation is dynamite. None of us could believe it when we first heard it. Then we just thought, “What a complete mess”.’

  25. Pingback: So who do you reckon it is? Or do you not care? | Fahrenheit211

  26. I’m guessing it’s Chris Huhne, in the prison showers, with a sink plunger. The identify of the other party shall remain secret to protect his embarrassment.

  27. Surreptitious Evil

    Mrs S-E reckons it’s Clegg and Camoron. Given that it was a surprise to the grotesquely-foreheaded one, that might say something about NC’s equipment and technique.

  28. Gordon Brown’s been taking Chuka Umunna up the wrong’un. I have it on good authority.

  29. We are told that neither of the two protagonists is in the cabinet. Surely Clegg, as Deputy PM, is in the cabinet?

  30. WKPD lists both Mr Clegg and Mr Cameron as being in the cabinet.

    The man whom I suspect used to be in the cabinet years ago.

  31. So Much For Subtlety

    I think I should probably make it clear at about this point that it was not me and that is all I have to say on the subject. I have not been having Ugandan conversations with Sam-Cam. Although you know, I might. If the opportunity came up. Not sure I would say that about anyone else in the Cabinet.

    It is like Edwina really innit? I think if it is not Mrs Cameron, and I doubt it somehow, we are probably all better off not knowing.

    (It does occur to me that Louise Mensch is not in the Cabinet although she was)

  32. So Much For Subtlety

    simplefish – “It-s got to be either a royal, or Mrs Cameron. No?”

    Maybe it is both? Charles has form and Sam is prettier than, well, let-s not go there.

    I am hoping, if that is the right word, it is Mrs Clegg. And John Redwood.

  33. I agree with john77 – given it is not a current cabinet minister – it is difficult to see what could possibly blow the government off course.

    That assumes the government is on any kind of course.

    And what “political set pieces”? Another mind-numbing announcement about how more CCTV cameras are the answer to obesity, or someothersuch shite?

  34. “Dearieme- come on who do you think it is?”

    My male suspect is easily rich enough to sue me into poverty if I’m wrong. Or even if I’m right, for all I know, so I daren’t say more. My female suspect is so obvious that I needn’t say more.

    The only clue I’ll give is that “middle-aged” describes a pretty wide band of society nowadays, even more so if the affair happened a few years ago.

  35. SMFS: “(It does occur to me that Louise Mensch is not in the Cabinet although she was)”

    !!!

    Perhaps you would like to name which post she occupied?

    I don’t even think you’re mixed up with shadow cabinet since she wasn’t an MP when Cameron was in opposition.

    Are you getting confused with her being on a select committee?

  36. My first thought along with many of you was indeed Boris and Sam.

    Hopefully the odds on the various combinations will shortly be available on Bet365 and all will be revealed.

    Alternatively, Erich Pickles and T. May? a suitably ghastly pairing!

  37. Twitter seems to be coming to a consenus over who was involved.

    Incidentally the name of the image file for the Mail on Sunday’s front page over at Guido’s is:

    acrb.png

  38. , it’s going to be a serious disappointment. Maybe that was why they seeded it via the Mail, so that the reality would be less interesting than the speculation, thereby defusing it.

    Seriously, we knew they were both scumbags already. Where’s the shock in an affair as well? It’s the least of their evil.

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