A certain bitterness apparent in a middle aged woman

Hapless Darren Gough is the latest middle-aged celebrity to leave his wife after coming into contact with an ambitious glamazon half his age on a television reality show.

It’s the “hapless” that gives it away.

Bonking a looker half your age is “hapless” now is it? Rather than the way evolutionary biology would describe it, “success!”?

You’ve got one brood hatched and growing, there’s not going to be another brood from that source, so the ability to move on and appropriate the fertility of another potential brood hatcher is indeed success.

37 thoughts on “A certain bitterness apparent in a middle aged woman”

  1. So Much for Subtlety

    The phrase that occurs to me when I see Ms Child’s photo is not tragic. It is more like “f**k me, why did I give up cricket?”.

    Look, I think people ought to get and stay married. Even that divorce is way to easy, but who in their right mind can claim this is not a massive improvement in every way to his, and quite likely her (the younger), lives?

    What does Jan Moir think? Naturally she blames the younger woman. Sisterhood? Not a chance.

    In this, Gough is not alone. Indeed, he is far from alone. In the glamorous bubble of reality television, men like him are picked off like prized gobblers in a turkey shoot.

    Picked off are they? By those shameless hussies no doubt. She ought to explain why a rich, older man is so prized by a young hottie.

    They just cannot turn away from the allure of a pretty face and carefree ways. How can a wife who has to stay at home, cook dinner for the kids, organise the lunch boxes, the PE kit and the family rota ever compete with that?

    Well, by not being a complete b!tch? By being nice? Surely this is not a competition which any middle aged woman is bound to lose? Well, let me look at that photo again …. still, the wife ought to be in with a chance. She knows him after all. The obvious question is does she care enough to keep him?

    She has given him a second chance — but not everyone is as lucky as him.

    This is an interesting new definition of the word lucky.

    Men like Darren — this is not the first time he has left his wife — cannot seem to understand that having a family is a commitment you can’t just shrug off like a winter jacket or a dose of the blues.

    Well yes it is. Old slappers like Ms Moir, back when they were younger and hotter, lobbied long and hard for a change to the divorce laws. And then for no-fault divorce. So it is a commitment that you can shrug odd like a winter jacket – except if a woman did it, she would be praised. It has been a long time anyone has done anything but endorsed women breaking their vows.

    And of course the great irony is that these blokes are no golden adonises. They are men in the grip of their fading libidos and their glorious egos.

    Recent research showed the best predictor of erectile dysfunction was how fat the wife was. So what is it precisely that attracts men to these younger women? There is no irony here. The fact that Ms Moir is fighting to retain control over them, on behalf of her generation, shows how hollow this claim is. If she did not want them, she would be happy to see them go.

  2. This is interesting. In the not-quite-earliest days of my working career, I was involved with (although not in) the Royal Naval Reserve as the wider RN was going through the introduction of “Wrens at Sea”.

    The most objections were from the wives of sailors. Now, everybody has a different amount of willpower but men are more likely to stray when there is opportunity, alcohol, a bit of anonymity and they aren’t getting it from their significant other. Sailors on a run ashore in the middle of a deployment being a classic example.

    Many of the wives were resigned to the odd shagging a tart or picking up a local girl for a week or so. Because hubbie came back (usually with enough time in between for the Doc to determine whether he had a dose or not and do something about it) and the girly was left in for’n parts.

    Whereas, Wrens. You actually got friendly with them, most of them were reasonably fit, there was the usual variation of attractiveness. And then you went out, got shit-faced and, then, the fling came back home with you.

    Now, filming a reality show seems a lot like this. Missus is at home rather than with you while you are filming, you are thrown together with a bunch of other people (quite literally with at least one in Strictly Come Dancing), in a relatively stressful environment and, jungle idiocy aside, I suspect there is a reasonable amount of booze and banter. Ideal breeding ground for a bit of hanky-panky. And, as per SMFS, the progressive view on divorce has taken traction in society – it isn’t seen as shameful.

  3. I think the whole thing is a bit odd. I doubt Darren Gough is that wealthy, and he was never a ‘golden adonis’ – he was a stumpy Yorkshireman with the ability to bowl quite quickly at a time when the England team was truly dire.

    The bird, I have no idea who she is.

    Will he be happier? I don’t know. I wouldn’t leave my wife for anyone, but then I’m an ideologue.

  4. SMFS,

    Recent research showed the best predictor of erectile dysfunction was how fat the wife was. So what is it precisely that attracts men to these younger women? There is no irony here. The fact that Ms Moir is fighting to retain control over them, on behalf of her generation, shows how hollow this claim is. If she did not want them, she would be happy to see them go.

    “fat” is more a correlation. It’s about making an effort. It’s about looking at your day with getting the kids to school, doing the washing, cooking meals and then putting down some “being nice to your partner” time rather than something else.

    The Jack Jones song “Wives and Lovers” got it about right. If a guy comes home from a day in the office taking crap to find a wife in a shell suit watching Eastenders, he’s more likely to start banging the receptionist at work.

  5. Well I wouldn’t kick his ex wife out of bed, and that Towie bird has possibly the most annoying voice ever, and is immensely dim (probably well suited to Goughie there though) so I assume he must keep ear plugs in all the time he with her. His ex wife is either a complete bitch to drive him to leave for such a woman, or he’s a massive idiot.

    Take your choice.

  6. Interested,

    I doubt Darren Gough is that wealthy, and he was never a ‘golden adonis’ – he was a stumpy Yorkshireman with the ability to bowl quite quickly at a time when the England team was truly dire.

    But actually, she’s nothing special, either. She’s one of those Essex girls whose looks are mostly about good styling. There’s photos of her around without make up and you’d walk past without a second look.

  7. Still, if it’s there in front of you of course you do it.

    And worry about the consequences afterwards.

  8. Still, if it’s there in front of you of course you do it

    My mileage certainly varies. Maybe I’ve got one of those abnormally low sex drives or a particularly overactive conscience. Who knows …

  9. The Stigler – “The Jack Jones song “Wives and Lovers” got it about right. If a guy comes home from a day in the office taking crap to find a wife in a shell suit watching Eastenders, he’s more likely to start banging the receptionist at work.”

    This.

    Especially if the guy works a stressful job, doing long hours to make sure wife and kids have everything they need, then goes home to take shit from the wife for working long hours to make sure she has everything she needs.

    A lot of women just don’t try very hard after they’re married. They stop taking care of their appearance. They stop trying to keep the relationship fun. They stop respecting you. And you can forget about blowjobs.

    Meanwhile, back at the office, you’ve got a lot of thinner, younger women who get dressed up for work, put their best personality on for their colleagues, and who might think an older manager type is a desireable shag. Makes the poor middle aged chap feel like a virile young stud again, instead of a constant disappointment.

    I’m not condoning it, but is it any wonder it happens? All men may be bastards, but they’d be less cheating bastards if wifey made a bit of an effort.

  10. This isn’t really related to the topic, but I’ll ask it anyway.

    Am I the only one who has noticed that, of those women in their late-20s/early 30s who were never married and are still single, there are very sound reasons why they are single which become apparent very quickly?

    If I was single, I think I’d be avoiding single women like the plague on the very grounds that they are single.

  11. And I’ll ask, why are women so much more relaxed around men post-marriage? Is it because they feel the man is no longer a “threat”, or because they feel he’s now a prospect? Either way I suspect it explains a lot.

  12. @Tim N

    ‘Am I the only one who has noticed that, of those women in their late-20s/early 30s who were never married and are still single, there are very sound reasons why they are single which become apparent very quickly?’

    From when I was an employee and worked with a lot of women, that used to be almost 100% the case, that women of that age tended to be mad careerist lunatics with an oversupply of testosterone who were headed for an alcoholic breakdown in their 40s once they lost their looks and their liver quit on them. They would blow you at the drop of a hat, though, or at least at the drop of a couple of g&ts.

  13. @BiG thats easy – women are viciously competitive when it comes to other women’s men. Its not that they necessarily want the married man because of who he is, its more that they want to show his wife that they are more alluring than she is, and that they have lured him away from her. Exactly the same bloke single would be utterly uninteresting to them – there’s no ‘win’ in getting a free and available man, getting a taken one to switch sides is a far greater ‘achievement’.

  14. @ Tim Newman

    As Burns would have said “a shag’s a shag for a’ that!”.

    The concept of monogamy was the first victory of feminism.

  15. @Interested:

    I’ve found them not to be so much mad careerists, as just assholes in one way or another. I knew one who just judged all men ridiculously harshly, another who made no effort whatsoever (apparently didn’t see the need to respond to communications from guys she’s just started seeing) and refused to compromise on anything, another who was a spoiled brat and so appreciated nothing that anyone did for her, etc. But yes, all of them would take home random blokes they met in a bar at the drop of a hat.

    Nowadays when I meet women of that age out and about who have been single for a while, it normally takes a very short time to figure out why. I wonder what happens to women like this, some seem fairly content not to have anybody but I wonder what happens once the looks start to go and they find that hanging out in bars in your mid-20s isn’t like it is in your mid-30s?

    Incidentally, of all the blokes I know who were real players in their day, every one eventually settled down.

  16. And I’ll ask, why are women so much more relaxed around men post-marriage? Is it because they feel the man is no longer a “threat”, or because they feel he’s now a prospect? Either way I suspect it explains a lot.

    I think a wedding ring on men is to some women an enormous stamp of approval the type of which you see on pressure vessels to show they have been inspected, tested, and found to be fit for purpose. It certainly worked that way in Russia: somebody’s found him suitable, so he must be okay!

  17. There’s an amazing substance that reduces the libido in women almost to zero.. It’s called “Wedding Cake”.

  18. @Bloke in Italy ‘The concept of monogamy was the first victory of feminism.’

    Can’t say I agree with that, speaking as a monogamous bloke.

    I wasn’t always monogamous, but I (in my view) grew up. (I don’t mean that as an insult to those who act differently. Each to his own.)

    I tend to find the Christian imprecation essentially to treat others as you would be treated yourself to be the single best guide to how to live your life. I wouldn’t like it if my wife cheated on me, and for that reason (though not only that reason) I wouldn’t cheat on her.

  19. @Pogo ‘There’s an amazing substance that reduces the libido in women almost to zero.. It’s called “Wedding Cake”.’

    Is this a stereotype or reality? My wife is permanently gagging for it, and an all-round lovely woman, too. Maybe I am just lucky.

  20. In fact, further to the above, I would say that most of the married men of my acquaintance are kept pretty occupied by their wives. I tend to find women more amenable and interesting to chat to, and, insofar as my female friends and I discuss this sort of stuff, their complaint is not getting enough, rather than not putting out.

  21. I wasn’t always monogamous, but I (in my view) grew up.

    That’s kind of what I said about my mates above, a lot of whom were players. Some would not doubt want to keep shagging around, but ultimately they wanted something a bit more stable and the price to pay is monogamy (or at least, appearing to be monogamous). Which means that each bloke had to compromise in order to get the settled life he wanted; what I have found with a lot of women is that they want the security of a steady partner but don’t want to make the compromises to find and keep one. I can’t think of a single bloke who decided he would be a player for his whole life, either because that’s what he wanted to do or because he wasn’t willing to compromise something.

  22. Life is all about compromise Tim. A lot of modern women seem to want to out-man men and they can’t, not least because their idea of men is often a ridiculous stereotype (but also just because they aren’t men).

    My wife drank me under the table once (she’s younger than me, it was while she was at university) but despite many further attempts she has failed miserably 🙂

  23. I think “hapless” is more likely apt that not.

    Throwing away your family, creating much misery to yourself, your (former) wife and your children, for the fleeting pleasures of sex with a good looking young woman.

    of course his family life could have been a disaster zone he’s well shot of, but if things have simply staled sexual with the wife, as tends to happen in long-run relationships, destroying your family for the thrill of an affair is (usually) a dumb move.

  24. Monogamy is the fault – and the cost thereof.
    Luckily the new ethnics bing in polygamy for the more dynamic males. Mayby the UK will get back its productive potency this way.

  25. So Much for Subtlety

    The Stigler – ““fat” is more a correlation. It’s about making an effort. It’s about looking at your day with getting the kids to school, doing the washing, cooking meals and then putting down some “being nice to your partner” time rather than something else.”

    Well they can measure the fatness. Harder to measure other things. I think there is a big difference between wanting to be married and wanting to be married to the specific husband a woman has got. And given that the State and society encourage women to see marriage as an entirely one-sided relationship – in which women are entitled to everything and men are entitled to nothing – it is not hard to see why this happens. Marriage used to be an exchange of support from the man for sex from the woman. Men are still expected to support, no matter what, even if the woman divorces him and sleeps with other people. But even in married life there is no assumption about women providing sex. So why should they bother to look nice? That is like virtually rape.

    “The Jack Jones song “Wives and Lovers” got it about right. If a guy comes home from a day in the office taking crap to find a wife in a shell suit watching Eastenders, he’s more likely to start banging the receptionist at work.”

    I think a lot of men look around and ask themselves if this is all they are going to get out of life. Not a pretty picture in many cases.

    Bloke In Italy – “Still, if it’s there in front of you of course you do it. And worry about the consequences afterwards.”

    I have often said British men are the best in the world to their womenfolk. Because it is possibly the one country in the world where this is not automatically true. Us and perhaps the rest of Northern Europe. But the women don’t seem very happy about it. Perhaps we should try the Italian way and shag anything that stands still long enough to catch?

    Steve – “A lot of women just don’t try very hard after they’re married. They stop taking care of their appearance. They stop trying to keep the relationship fun. They stop respecting you. And you can forget about blowjobs.”

    Society puts pressure on girls to live the dream by having a wedding. Not to be married. A lot want the ceremony and then think they have done the hard part.

    But men ask for it. If their wives don’t respect them it is because the men allow it.

    Tim Newman – “Am I the only one who has noticed that, of those women in their late-20s/early 30s who were never married and are still single, there are very sound reasons why they are single which become apparent very quickly?”

    Hell yes. But which is cause and which is effect? I used to think they must be single because they are nuts. Now I think that a good man has a stabilising effect so that they are nuts because they did not tie down a good man. But who knows?

  26. ‘But which is cause and which is effect? I used to think they must be single because they are nuts. Now I think that a good man has a stabilising effect so that they are nuts because they did not tie down a good man. But who knows?’

    A guy I know (who goes by the moniker Big Dave, and lives in the middle of a field and is something of a philosopher) has a theory that women’s nuttiness factor rises in proportion to the time since they were last given a good seeing to. Thus married women will be getting a least some action, ergo it keeps them relatively sane. Single women OTOH may not be getting any at all (and in this theory solo sex doesn’t count) so the crazy continues to rise to astronomical levels.

    I offer this theory purely in the interests of scientific discovery and advance.

  27. So Much for Subtlety

    Tim Newman – “I think a wedding ring on men is to some women an enormous stamp of approval the type of which you see on pressure vessels to show they have been inspected, tested, and found to be fit for purpose. It certainly worked that way in Russia: somebody’s found him suitable, so he must be okay!”

    Certainly the opposite would be a warning sign. At what age would you be wary of any man who had never been married? 40? 35?

    Tim Newman – “what I have found with a lot of women is that they want the security of a steady partner but don’t want to make the compromises to find and keep one.”

    Why would they when everyone is encouraging them to get divorced? But even before the divorce laws were easy, British women were always told to focus on the marriage ceremony. Not on the marriage itself. Chick Lit always ends with the marriage, not with what happens after. Unless of course you’re writing Brigit Jones’ diary and need the cash. There is no preparation for women to ever consider what it takes to live happily ever after. The White Knight appears, they get married and that is it as far as popular culture is concerned.

    Luis Enrique – “Throwing away your family, creating much misery to yourself, your (former) wife and your children, for the fleeting pleasures of sex with a good looking young woman. … destroying your family for the thrill of an affair is (usually) a dumb move.”

    I would agree with you. In general. But when was the last time any Western media told women this? It is not just a good rule for men after all. Except the good looking young woman thing. But women are actively encouraged to throw over their husbands for the handsome, buffed, usually exotic, younger man. Men are warned against pole dancers. Women ought to be warned against destroying the family too. What is more, we should not be giving them so many prizes for doing so.

  28. Reading the comments, I feel like i must come from a different planet (Interested also appears to come from the same planet).

    Here in Aus, my teenage bride is celebrating her 53rd birthday. I bought her Robbie Williams tickets (very unimaginative, I got her the same thing last year). We had some rumpy pumpy this morning and, after dinner tonight with friends who are all on their first marriages, we shall no doubt come home and have some more (thankfully early hours England v Wales is Monday morning).

    In our wide circle of close friends, only one couple is not on their first marriage (well, he is, she isn’t). As far as we are aware, they all seem to enjoy spending time with their partners. We certainly do, we loved raising our family but as our youngest will fly the nest later this year, we are looking forward to the next stage of our life together for which we have big plans.

    My wife is a mental health social worker so she does visit your planet when working.

  29. I’m 10 years younger than your wife Doc but I hope to be in the same place you are at your age, and I can’t see why I won’t be. Realistic expectations, a bit of self awareness, a bit of self sacrifice is all it takes. Much better than the single life, too.

    SMFS you do exaggerate sometimes.

    Jim – in all seriousness I think Big Dave is correct. They do need sorting out, and then they go back to bring level again. It’s a basic human need after all.

  30. So Much for Subtlety

    Jim – “A guy I know (who goes by the moniker Big Dave, and lives in the middle of a field and is something of a philosopher) has a theory that women’s nuttiness factor rises in proportion to the time since they were last given a good seeing to.”

    Well that is where I was going with that idea. But I was too polite to say so openly. It may be correlation – the insanity might be a result of recognition that no one finds you sexually desirable rather than the sex as such.

    “I offer this theory purely in the interests of scientific discovery and advance.”

    I feel a research proposal coming on. Think the Research Council would go for it?

    DocBud – “Reading the comments, I feel like i must come from a different planet (Interested also appears to come from the same planet). … after dinner tonight with friends who are all on their first marriages …”

    Divorce has been shown to be “contagious”. If your friends are divorced, you are more likely to get a divorce. So congratulations. But I am not sure it is the rest of us who are aliens on this planet.

    Interested – “SMFS you do exaggerate sometimes.”

    Exaggerate what? The fact the media is selling the idea of divorce hard? When was the last time you saw a husband in mainstream media who was not entirely divorceable? What have been the biggest grossing chick flicks of recent times? Which one of them has even suggested that divorce is not the solution to all problems and that any woman’s life is not massively improved by divorcing? I give you Eat Pray Love for instance.

  31. SMFS:

    “I feel a research proposal coming on. Think the Research Council would go for it?”

    You’ll need to link it to climate change.

  32. @smfs

    You exaggerate re culture. For every Eat Pray Love there are two dozen romcoms. Sure they focus on the wedding but that’s the market – I don’t want to finance a film about golden weddings but feel free to if you like.

  33. So Much for Subtlety

    DocBud – “You’ll need to link it to climate change.”

    Easily done. I would write up a proposal on the possible link between female mental health and climate change. A sure fire winner. And hide the reference to frequency of coitus in the methodology section which, as we all know, no one ever reads.

    Interested – “You exaggerate re culture. For every Eat Pray Love there are two dozen romcoms. Sure they focus on the wedding but that’s the market – I don’t want to finance a film about golden weddings but feel free to if you like.”

    Actually Rom-Coms have more or less died as a genre. But even if it was true, what of it? I am not claiming they have stopped selling the wedding ceremony. I am claiming that they are selling divorce. Which rarely turns up as an issue in Rom-Coms. But if it did, I am pretty sure the writers would argue it is the best thing since sliced bread.

    Hollywood only has one approach to divorce: “You go girl!”

    We have an entire culture that sees no solution to marital problems except divorce.

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