There’s nothing too trivial for these twats, is there?

Super-sized bottles of cheap cider will be banned in a bid to tackle teenage drinking, under new Labour proposals set to by announced this week.

Shadow health secretary Andy Burnham wants to outlaw ‘high-strength, ultra-low-priced white ciders’ sold in three litre bottles.

27 thoughts on “There’s nothing too trivial for these twats, is there?”

  1. Notice how controls never seem to be suggested for nice bottles of white wine picked up while at a villa in Tuscany…

  2. So Much for Subtlety

    Rhyds – “Notice how controls never seem to be suggested for nice bottles of white wine picked up while at a villa in Tuscany…”

    True. Admittedly I have never had drunken mobs of luvvies staggering down my street smashing every window as they do.

    We want people to behave less like the sort of people who drink large bottles of cheap cider and more like the sort of people who pick up white wine in Tuscany (except when it comes to voting and buying the Guardian and that sort of thing).

    The real problem is that this is not the way to go about it – Adam Smith pointed out the cheaper alcohol is, the less public drunkenness you get – and it is better to have drunken yobs smashing my windows than to have sh!ts like the sh!ts we have in power.

  3. I’m quite sure that this tax/regulation will “accidentally” hit real cider as well.

    There is a strange belief among the senior management of the pub chains that cheap scrumpy cider is a terrible drain on their profits, and is major reason why people don’t drink in their pubs as much as they did. No, really – I’ve witnessed 10 minute rants on the subject.

  4. Malmesbury,

    “There is a strange belief among the senior management of the pub chains that cheap scrumpy cider is a terrible drain on their profits, and is major reason why people don’t drink in their pubs as much as they did. No, really – I’ve witnessed 10 minute rants on the subject.”

    Hardly surprising considering these idiots fell for the line about how all the non-smokers would be beating down their doors, rather than noticing that most of their regulars were smokers.

    They’ll never be able to compete with supermarkets. They’d have to push the min price of a bottle of wine up to £10. And at that price, it would be economic for me to make multiple trips to Calais each year.

  5. Drunken types (and there are rarely enough of them acting together to call a “mob”) are mostly found in town centres etc. Drinking has been on a decline for years. If the bluebottles moved in on the troublers that would be all that is needed. This is the standard pseudo-puritan shite. Burnham is a coprolite with eye make-up.

  6. While we’re all in the mood for banning things, can we ban middle-aged men from wearting mascara?

    It’s for their own good, of course.

  7. SE- correct. He says that he doesn’t want to use a sledgehammer but this is whack-a-mole stuff. Bad Idea.

  8. Bloke no Longer in Austria

    A 3litre bottle is pretty heavy. One would work up quite a thirst lugging such an item around.

    It’s a vicious circle, i tell ya.

    Burnham is right, ban the big bottles and only sell the stuff in multipacks.

  9. @Malmesbury

    The only time in normal life since schooldays that I’ve had a fight was in a pub we frequented regularly and where the landlord had somehow acquired a bag of real Herefordshire scrumpy. It tasted mostly of amonia, and within a pint and a half I was rolling around under the tables with a bloke I didn’t much like and who didn’t much like me, but with whom I had been able at least to be civil. Neither of us could ever explain later on how it had happened, it just did. Very odd. Evil stuff.

    @john miller
    Does Burnham actually wear mascara? Sorry to be naiive but I don’t know. He looks like he might, I know.

    @BNLIA
    Is a shrinkwrapped crate of 4 1l bottles lighter than 1x4l bottle?

  10. bloke (not) in spain

    “If the bluebottles moved in on the troublers that would be all that is needed.”
    Proofs in the pudding.
    My resort town in Spain’s not Torremolinos* but we do have our strip of bars, down by the port, the tourist kids get in. As they arrive for the evening’s entertainment they pass a sprinkling of Town Police who’ll be there when they leave. It’s on my walk home & I’ve hardly ever seen any trouble. Yes, the odd gaggle of drunks. But rarely badly behaved or threatening.
    The London residence was a street in central Crouch End. If you don’t know the place, it’s North London’s answer to Torremolinos. It’s mostly pubs, bars & restaurants separated by hairdressers & estate agents. A place to go as much as to live. It had, when I was there, response policing. That means, in 12 years of late evening dog walking, I never saw a police foot patrol. Not one. But they did show up, with the ambulance, for the stabbings. Usually scheduled for around midnight. Don’t know if the Met are still running the website, gave the reported incidents down to street level. When I looked, our street alone was running close to 90 for the month. And that’s reported. Who’d bother reporting anything less than fairly major or insurance recoverable?

    Spot any connections?

    *Couldn’t swear to Torremolinos. We tend to use a couple Colombian places up the back of town. The thought of drunken, Brit tourists making themselves a nuisance in our vicinity is…entertaining. But the odd times we’ve been downtown it’s been much the same as home.
    Since I’ve been over in the UK I’ve noticed the fetish for Police-Camera shows on daytime TV. Arseholes in uniforms fighting crime on Britain’s streets. If they got their fat rears out of their cars they might prevent some.

  11. Enforcement of the existing laws on drunk and disorderly/drunk and incapable would be a useful start. As would plod patrolling the high street on foot rather than at first-gear speeds in fluorescent yellow performance cars like something out of Bladerunner.
    In Belgium booze is one of the few things cheaper than here, and kids can buy beer at 16, but their youth don’t seem to get spectacularly pissed on a Friday night. Stoned, maybe, but not legless . . . .

  12. Large bottles of cheap booze are a wonderful thing, especially for young people without much money.

    Proggie Sharia: coming to a town near you.

  13. Bloke no Longer in Austria

    Interested

    It’s down to weight distribution. That and getting your underage mates/brothers to carry some.

    🙂

  14. bloke (not) in spain

    “In Belgium booze is one of the few things cheaper than here,..etc”

    Now there’s a thing. The town near to my base in France is on the Belgian border. That Belgian beer is lethal & for the purpose of biere we’re Flemish to the core.. There’s a yearly fête in the market place. The stuff flows like water. In the three times I’ve attended, the only incident of note was a beery hug by a 6 foot bear (something to do with the local coat of arms). It has all the danger & menace of a kindergarten tea party.

  15. bloke (not) in spain

    Just a thought.:
    Town Police again. Live locally. Recruited locally? Blokes you see every day on the streets. Use the bar on the square for their elevenses. Part of the community.

  16. “Does Burnham actually wear mascara? Sorry to be naive but I don’t know. He looks like he might, I know.”

    He denied doing so. He was silent regarding eye-shadow and lipstick, however. Draw whatever conclusion you will.

  17. Meanwhile, the Rule Of The Threat Of Law is in full swing, with Special Brew under attack-

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/shopping-and-consumer-news/11339532/Special-Brew-to-be-watered-down.html

    “The responsibility deal was created between the drinks industry and the government and is considered a compromise to avoid tougher alcohol laws. “

    That slimy process so beloved of Anglo-government in which an industry avoids laws being passed by agreeing to obey them without the trouble of having to actually pass them through Parliament. Just once, I wish one of these rooms full of corporate twats with MBAs would grow some balls.

  18. Bloke in Costa Rica

    Special Brew is disgusting: it tastes like fizzy Marmite. But people drinking Special Brew is not, and never has been, a problem. It is people drinking Special Brew and behaving like twats that is the problem. The solution that is both obvious and least intrusive is to disincentivise the twattishness without worrying about the Special Brew-drinking. That pretty much all of the negative sequelae of getting shit-faced in public are already against the law should go without saying, but apparently not.

    What is it about the modern State that it seeks constantly to add new accretions of law without using the ones it already has? Is it laziness? Bureaucratic empire-building? Amnesia? Ignorance? All of the above?

  19. Special Brew is part of the British way of life, which includes many horrid things; Marmite, Wagon Wheels, etc.

    And here’s the thing; if you have drink in a society, some people will get drunk. If they’re particularly egregious you may take them to a cell to sleep it off. Thus has it always been. There isn’t any beermageddon, just people getting drunk like they always did. God help us if the Puritans succeed in convincing everyone that you can only drink if you don’t get the least bit even slightly squiffy. Which is what they’re after.

    What are we down to now as the official level of alcoholo-drinkyprob-abuse? Half a shandy? Five milliunits?

  20. “Hardly surprising considering these idiots fell for the line about how all the non-smokers would be beating down their doors, rather than noticing that most of their regulars were smokers.

    They’ll never be able to compete with supermarkets. They’d have to push the min price of a bottle of wine up to £10. And at that price, it would be economic for me to make multiple trips to Calais each year.”

    It is quite impossible for a pub to sell alcohol or food at supermarket prices. Pretty much by definition.

    The key is to sell something else. Such as a place where you would like to consume your alcohol. In the company of people you like. With friendly people who refill your glass and take away the empties….

    Strangely, the people who run restaurants seemed to have figured this out. The ones who stay in business, anyway.

  21. @ Interested
    Anecdata alert
    I have never had a problem, that anyone mentioned, with scrumpy – I cannot drink enough volume for that – but the first time I got drunk was when a temp barman served me Merrydown Appe Wine in half-pints (I was careful in those days) instead of a wine glass; aftyewr 1.5 pints a pal had to help me back to my rooms.
    A decade or so go Merrydown used to sell “White Lightning” in 3 litre bottles and got scared off by the thought police. So sometwo have come in to fill the gap. Well, duh!

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