Father suggests an addition to our vocabulary, spurtle:
The spurtle (or “spirtle”) is a Scots kitchen tool, dating from at least the fifteenth century. It was originally a flat, wooden, spatula-like utensil, used for flipping oatcakes on a hot girdle the Scottish equivalent to a griddle.
Over time, the original implement changed shape and began being used specifically for stirring oatmeal and soups. The rod-like shape is designed for constant stirring which prevents the porridge from congealing and so becoming lumpy and unappealing. It looks like a fat wooden dowel, often with a contoured end to give the user a better grip.
Spurtle Sturgeon and the Demented Porridge Wogs.
We might well adopt that….