Spurtle Sturgeon and the demented porridge wogs

Father suggests an addition to our vocabulary, spurtle:

The spurtle (or “spirtle”) is a Scots kitchen tool, dating from at least the fifteenth century. It was originally a flat, wooden, spatula-like utensil, used for flipping oatcakes on a hot girdle the Scottish equivalent to a griddle.

Over time, the original implement changed shape and began being used specifically for stirring oatmeal and soups. The rod-like shape is designed for constant stirring which prevents the porridge from congealing and so becoming lumpy and unappealing.[1] It looks like a fat wooden dowel, often with a contoured end to give the user a better grip.

Spurtle Sturgeon and the Demented Porridge Wogs.

We might well adopt that….

21 thoughts on “Spurtle Sturgeon and the demented porridge wogs”

  1. Spurtle Sturgeon and the Demented Porridge Wogs.

    I liked their early stuff but they really fell apart after their difficult second album.

  2. The Other Bloke in Italy

    An alternative spelling is Spirtle, used by us more upmarket porridge wogs.

  3. I was watching my DVD of Verdi’s Macbeth last night and there’s a scene at the beginning of Act IV where a load of Scottish asylum seekers are queuing up at the English border trying to head south. A scene I’m sure we’ll see repeated over the next decade.

    So, in the ongoing operatic production that is Scottish Nationalism, who’s going to play Macduff to Spurtle’s Macbeth* and lead the oppressed Jocks south? Or who’s going to play Malcolm and, with the aid of an English army, take Birnam wood to Holyrood.

    And who are the three prophetic old hags?

    *Or should that be Lady Macbeth? Macbeth is the weak willed but ambitious politician driven to murder for the sake of power by his psychopathic wife. So Sturgeon qualifies for both parts.

  4. Incidentally, I’m looking to snap up the rights to Patria Opressa to give the Jocks something to sing while they wait at the border for their visas.

    Anyone up for a Scottish translation?

  5. Bloke in Costa Rica

    There’s one of those knocking about in a drawer somewhere in my mother’s kitchen. It really is better for stirring porridge for some reason. Proper porridge is a wonderful thing, as long as it’s made with real oatmeal. The Seppos use rolled oats, which is vile.

    I’m very much an advocate of the give-em-enough-rope-to-hang-themselves approach.

  6. We’ve had ’em Down Under for yonks. Commonplace kitchen tool. Suspect those Scots immigrants who built Dunedin arrived with them under their kilts.

  7. So Much for Subtlety

    Kevin B – “I was watching my DVD of Verdi’s Macbeth last night and there’s a scene at the beginning of Act IV where a load of Scottish asylum seekers are queuing up at the English border trying to head south. ”

    Given what the Welsh think is acceptable in public, I am intermittently fascinated and appalled by what our new illegal immigrants from Scotland will get up to:

    A middle-aged Welsh woman who is accused of performing a sex act on her boyfriend during an outdoor BBC concert allegedly told police ‘the rules must be different in England’, a court has heard

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3110806/Middle-aged-woman-performed-sex-act-boyfriend-shocked-families-Paloma-Faith-sang-BBC-concert.html

  8. Oh please, who hasn’t been noshed off at an outdoor concert? Also:

    “One witness was said to be so repulsed that he even filmed the couple’s alleged act on his mobile phone”

    And was then no doubt repulsed twice more later that evening.

  9. So Much for Subtlety

    Matthew L – “Oh please, who hasn’t been noshed off at an outdoor concert?”

    So many possible replies. I think I can say with some confidence that quite a few people have not.

  10. Bloke in Costa Rica

    I never know in cases like the above whether being Welsh is considered extenuating or aggravating. I mean on the one hand, they don’t know any better, but on the other hand we don’t really want to encourage them. Either way, it is plain that border controls on the M4 will need to be tightened up.

  11. So Much for Subtlety

    Bloke in Costa Rica – “I never know in cases like the above whether being Welsh is considered extenuating or aggravating. I mean on the one hand, they don’t know any better, but on the other hand we don’t really want to encourage them.”

    Worse than that. On the one hand I suppose we should be relieved one of them was not a sheep. On the other, are we really sure they are not siblings?

    “Either way, it is plain that border controls on the M4 will need to be tightened up.”

    Too late. Too many of them on this side of the Dyke.

  12. There’s an interesting theory that the Welsh rep for sheep shagging actually dates back to the days when sheep rustling was a capital offence, but fucking them wasn’t. So the Welsh were, clearly, a bunch of unrepentant and incompetent thieves. When they were inevitably caught they claimed to have been merely defiling the beast, not nicking it. A sort of national version of the “but you fuck ONE goat” joke.

    I have no idea if that’s true or not but it’s entertaining at least.

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