Beyonce is the new Judy Garland apparently

I would never date a man who hates Beyoncé
Michael Arceneaux
I am a gay black man from Houston, Texas. Beyoncé is my Lord and gyrator. She is the beginning, end and body roll to me.

I know it’s the silly season but I wasn’t aware that The Guardian was celebrating it by commissioning articles on the greatest stereotype.

I mean, seriously? A whole article about the black gay man who:

But the one I most adamant about sticking to – and I have encouraged everyone I know to act accordingly: I will never date another person who does not like Beyoncé.

What next? Economics articles that insist the magic money tree does exist, something from the lezzer insisting that all heterosexual sex is rape and perhaps something insisting that all white people are wacist? Or, of course, labiaplasty is equal to cutting a bird’s clitoris off.

7 thoughts on “Beyonce is the new Judy Garland apparently”

  1. I once had the pleasure of watching Joan Rivers doing a private gig in a small club. She turned to the gay boys at the front and said “Good news, Liza’s single again”.

  2. “Or, of course, labiaplasty is equal to cutting a bird’s clitoris off.”

    “The girl lies in a half-conscious state, her legs wedged wide apart, her exposed genitals splayed. By her shoulders, a man and woman are stationed to prevent her from stirring. Standing over her naked body, the man in charge brandishes the metal instrument in his hand. The metal glints, he clamps the red lip of her most intimate parts into the jaws of his scissors, and he cuts. There is no other sound in the world like that of flesh severed by a blade and that’s the sound made as he snips, slices and chops away bloody chunks from the healthy tissue of the young woman’s vulva.”

    An operation that the young woman not only asked for but in some cases is being part paid for by Medicare?

    Could they manage any more bogus drama?

    “The fiendish medic whistled the “Dick Barton” theme as he cut off the helpless girl’s clit and threw it brutally in a nearby dog-bowl . Although already rendered unconscious and brutally gagged with a plastic mask the courageous young fem signalled her ongoing resistance to the genocidal atrocity she was undergoing by the steady rise and fall of her breathing. Against the brutal weight of the air above her the struggle to escape was doomed to futility.”

    What of tomorrows headlines?

    “Her eyes were raped by Mrs Beaton’s Cookbook–secondhand”

    “They called themselves a Hostel for Wimmin walkers but that night she had to listen to the sound of her own pee rattling in a tin pot.

    “It was worse than the movie” she told our reporter.”

  3. That piece is comedy gold. It’s the extremely gay version of two indie kids splitting up over an argument about whether Sonic Youth are better than the Pixies.

    Mind you, if a comedian were to write it as satire and put it into the words of a fictional gay black character, his career would be over.

  4. SQ2: Pixies, every time. They had the tunes and a sense of humour. SY are miserable po-faced self-absorbed “artists”. Plus I once saw them when Kim Gordon was “playing” a trumpet. Those scars still haven’t healed.

  5. Bloke in Costa Rica

    Had? Indie Cindy came out last year and the Internet radio station I listen to plays Magdalena 318 and Greens and Blues from it fairly often. They’re on tour with Robert Plant this year.

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