Because we don’t do that

Why doesn’t Britain have any emojis of its own?

You will have noted that our stamps do not bear the name of the country. Everyone else lathers their name across their pitiful derivatives.


Because we are top dog, we know we’re top dog and everyone else, by their actions even if they won’t admit it, demonstrates that we are top dog.

“National” emojis are solely for those who are insecure in their nationalism. Doesn’t surprise in the least that those not from this sceptered isle find them necessary, wouldn’t confuse or dismay if the Welsh or Scottish decided they needed some. But we English? Why would we? We already hold the winning lottery ticket in life simply by birthright.

Leave such puerile displays to those whose uncertainty and doubt means they are required.

17 thoughts on “Because we don’t do that”

  1. For some reason I felt compelled to rise and salute Agostini’s portrait of the Queen as I read this piece.

  2. “Emoji is evolving faster than ancient languages such as hieroglyphics, it is claimed”

    That has to be trolling of the highest order or all hope for humanity is lost.

  3. The Germans have there German Football Association, the Scots have their SFA; we have The Football Association. Likewise we don’t have a WRU; just the RFU.

    Even when we lose we’re the best. (This last comment may strike pedants examine their World Cup wall charts and test match scorecards as a somewhat necessary rationalisation.)

  4. And the Septics have the World Series (?), for which name they get no end of stick for their arrogance.

    Much of our self-assurance is badly miss-placed and sub-James Bondian.

    But we did invent most of the best sports, I’ll grant.

  5. GD, the Chinese like to put their country, the middle kingdom after all, at the centre of their world maps. Unfortunately doing so squashes most of the land mass of the earth to the edges warped out of shape and puts the empty pacific ocean over half of it. It would be funny if it didn’t totally sum up their way of thinking.

  6. “But we did invent most of the best sports, I’ll grant.”

    Which is precisely why we don’t have to put ‘British’ or ‘English’ in front of things like the FA. Same for stamps. We were first, so need to specify.

  7. We invented stamps, hence ours are the original all others have to be separated from. That is why ours are in sets, at the front of the album and all the others are just mixed up at the back. Any Gibbon could tell you that

  8. Bloke in Costa Rica

    What the fuck do you call this: 🇬🇧? That’s Unicode code points 🇬🇧 in case anyone’s interested. The Union flag ought to be sufficient. We don’t need some spurious sigil to wave about.

    But the real problem is the technical stupidity behind the whole premise. As can be seen from the above, emojis are Unicode characters. You can’t just make up some random bullshit, assign it a code point and expect it to just start working. It first has to be presented to the Unicode Consortium, mulled over for inclusion, possibly redesigned, put on a standards track, published as an addition to the standard and then adopted by device and OS manufacturers. They’ve missed the boat for Unicode 9, which is due for release mid-2016. Maybe next time. But the consortium is conservative about adding things. They’re only putting 38 new emojis in this time.

    Now, maybe you could allow people to install add-on emoticons, but even if you could (and it’s a bad idea), why the fuck would a non-Finn, which is to say everyone to a first approximation, want to use them? Perhaps if Finland wanted to have more influence on the market it shouldn’t have stopped making mobile phones.

  9. Bloke in Costa Rica

    Arrgh the fucking comments system ate my escaped HTML. If I write ampersand-a-m-p-semicolon then leave it, you stupid thing. Unicode for Union flag is & #x1F1EC; & #x1F1E7; without the spaces, corresponding to the two symbols 🇬 and 🇧, which form a ligature to provide the flag.

    I note there’s also a banknote-with-pound-sign emoji and guy-in-a-bearskin emoji. That should be enough.

  10. However, in golf the Open’s website starts its message by saying:

    “The official site of the British Open”

    and that is what it’s called everywhere.

  11. Mostly, from what I have seen and recall, the Open has been predominantly referred to simply as the Open, not the British Open… ymmv?

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