Presents for the Republican candidates in your life lead to this:
Donald Trump’s been having a hell of a year, so you’d think he wants for nothing. But that isn’t true! He does seem to be deeply unsatisfied with all of woman-kind’s ability to please him. They are all too ugly and keep having body functions like urination and menstruation, even though this is the 21st century and we should have licked that problem by now. So why not get him a Real Doll, a life-sized, realistic sex toy that looks like a woman but has all those unpleasant parts — body functions, normal human faces, opinions — removed.
No love, you’re supposed to be vicious. Just point out that he’s already had two such since Ivana.
What’s worse is that there is a good joke in there, that licked it one, but I’m absolutely certain that was unintentional, a product of the writing style, not thought or intent.