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We’re surrounded by criminally stupid morons

The nation’s favourite soap characters should pass up alcohol and hot drinks for a plain glass of water to encourage fans to keep hydrated, according to a study.

Popular soaps like EastEnders and Coronation Street are famed for their pubs, but the prevalence of booze and soft drink consumption in the Queen Vic and the Rovers Return, as well as a host of other dramas, is “shocking” and “unacceptable”, an expert has said.

They want British TV programs to show British people, in British pubs, drinking a plain glass of water.

No, really:

Analysis of nearly 3,000 minutes of national television found little more than one in 20 soap characters’ drinks were a glass of water, while more than a third were alcoholic beverages.

They’re in fucking pubs you wazzock!

Beer, happy Produce of our Isle

Can sinewy Strength impart,
And wearied with Fatigue and Toil

Can cheer each manly Heart.

Labour and Art upheld by Thee

Successfully advance,
We quaff Thy balmy Juice with Glee

And Water leave to France.

Genius of Health, thy grateful Taste

Rivals the Cup of Jove,
And warms each English generous Breast

With Liberty and Love!

21 thoughts on “We’re surrounded by criminally stupid morons”

  1. Group Selling Bottled Water Want People To Drink More Bottled Water Shock!

    At least try to be subtle guys…

  2. The best of drink for mortal man
    Is water from the spring.
    But who am I, that I should have
    The best of everything?

    Let princes revel at the pump,
    At parish pond the peer.
    Whisky’s good enough for me,
    Or wine or even beer!

    (Sign in Wilshire pub, 1970. Cider 1/7 a pint)

  3. Beer, happy Produce of our Isle

    While I wholeheartedly agree with the pro-beer sentiment, that’s actually from a temperance pamphlet by William Hogarth that he wrote to support the Gin Acts. Literally the 1750s equivalent of what you’re lambasting.

  4. I know it’s from Beer Street.


    And I’m all for temperance myself: in its proper meaning, nowt wrong with a drink, it’s stoned out drunkeness which is to be abhorred.

  5. I was actually relieved to find the NHC is just a bullshit marketing front for bottled water companies, rather than some sort of quango…

  6. Morons?

    They get PAID for saying this shit. Paid by the very people they’re saying it to. These people are BRILLIANT.

  7. She is a “media psychologist” and is described as an ‘expert’ in that article.

    The MSM abuse that term to fuck and this is a superb example. The term has been debased to the point where I see it and see “political activist or industry shill” in its place.

  8. I wonder who got the job of analysing of nearly 3,000 minutes of national television. And what they had done to deserve it.

  9. “the prevalence of…soft drink consumption…is “shocking” ”

    They’ve finally jumped the snark, haven’t they? Pooter himself could not have come up with a line like this.

    Beyond parody.

  10. Both the construction of the multi person gallows and ‘extraordinary rendition’ to ISIS held territory or North Korea for these people seem to be taking an inordinate amount of time to organize……

  11. Van_Patten makes sense to me. But being a libertarian, the death penalty doesn’t appeal to me. The rendition proposals sound fair, though.

  12. 1 Timothy V 23
    “Stop drinking only water; in view of your frequent ailments take a little wine to help your digestion”

  13. @Gamecock Given that I trust the state to do very little, if anything, right, how would I trust it to have the power of life or death?

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