Headline of the week

Couple gets engaged at Walmart; gets accused of shoplifting sex toy

It’s got everything. Only at Walmart. And isn’t when you are in that flush of love and hormones, exactly when hubba hubba is both on call and mutually hubba hubba, the one and only time of life when a sex toy isn’t actually needed?

No, didn’t bother to read the story, wouldn’t want to spoil that headline.

21 thoughts on “Headline of the week”

  1. It’s not too specific, only the sex toy theft wasn’t from Wal-Mart but elsewhere. “Sex toy” is pretty vague, isn’t it?

  2. Let me assure you, there are plenty of non-solitary uses for sex toys. And in fact, there are very few things that can’t be used as sex toys – unless you’re just not trying hard enough.

  3. So Much For Subtlety

    Dave – “Let me assure you, there are plenty of non-solitary uses for sex toys. And in fact, there are very few things that can’t be used as sex toys – unless you’re just not trying hard enough.”

    It is odd that Dave didn’t get a mention of the Jews in there somewhere, but it is also interesting that he mentions solitary uses of sex toys. No one else did. Why am I not surprised?

    Maybe it is my age but I think there can be few things more boring that listening to someone who is clearly not doing it talking about using every day objects for sexual purposes. No, the purpose of a garlic crusher is to crush garlic. There is no other purpose that is worth talking about.

    In my passing condoms have always been popular items for shop lifters, presumably because buying them is still so embarrassing for some. I would expect sex toys to be the same. In fact I would expect that all sex toys are sold on line these days so no one knows you are doing it. Either that or they are sold as some other item that is perfectly respectable and what you do with it in your own time is your own business.

  4. So Much For Subtlety

    Surreptitious Evil – “You’d have to be in to some pretty repulsive bondage to use “The Joy of Tax” as a sex aid?”

    Right up there with Vogon poetry.

  5. There are actually quite a number of uses for garlic crushers. They make an excellent juicer for single grapes or other small fruit, and can also be used by small children as impromptu finger torture devices for use on siblings.

  6. So Much For Subtlety

    I guess we are very lucky that Fascism came to Germany and not to France then. Telling people that we have ways to make them talk and then waiving a garlic crusher would be absurd.

    Which leads into a little tie in to an earlier point – why is it that the Nazis play such a big part in people’s sexual fantasies but no others? I can understand that the Italians would not be all that useful for that purpose – I cannot take Fascism seriously since ‘Allo ‘Allo. But the Japanese? Do you think the Chinese have a genre of Japanese-related porn? The Soviets?

    You would think that the Guardianistas would thoroughly enjoy Cuban-themed porn where Che-look-alikes threatened innocent little American tourists. But as far as I know the market does not exist.

    In America slavery themed porn does but it is very quiet these days. Imperial themed porn in the UK? Not so much. As long as you don’t count Flashman.

  7. I think it’s two things. Firstly, the element of transgression. Nazi is (in our culture) as transgressive as it gets. So if you’re going to transgress, that’s what you naturally think of. Most people frankly don’t even know much about Italian fascism or Japanese imperialism (beyond “Banzai!” and “Kamikaze!”).

    Secondly, Nordic is an attractive racial stereotype, whereas Italians make you think of fat people serving you delicious food, and the Japanese stereotype is little men with round glasses and buck teeth. Even though Hitler was a funny little man with a silly moustache and Himmler was an even funnier little man with round glasses.

    Thirdly, that’s three then, there’s no doubt that they had the best symbolism and uniforms. The red white and black, the swastikas, the leather boots and coats, the cool stick shaped grenades.

    I suspect that all these things combine to make Nazi fantasy particularly popular with your average Guardianista.

  8. It’s also worth noting in discussing Mediterranean diet fascism, that Mussolini’s thugs used to torture people by forcing them to drink large quantities of olive oil until it caused a commotion in their underpants.

  9. So Much For Subtlety

    Ian B – “Firstly, the element of transgression. Nazi is (in our culture) as transgressive as it gets.”

    And hence slavery in the US. But why so little in the UK?

    “Secondly, Nordic is an attractive racial stereotype”

    I think a lot of the appeal of the Sandanistas was sexual. Fatter older women do like the Latino men.

    “Thirdly, that’s three then, there’s no doubt that they had the best symbolism and uniforms. The red white and black, the swastikas, the leather boots and coats, the cool stick shaped grenades.”

    Thank you Hugo Boss. I knew Lemmy collected Nazis stuff. But I saw him with his Czech-built Nazi tank destroyer I realised how much money there was in rock.

    Do you think that his odd interest in Nazi clobber cost him a Knighthood? They seemed to give them to everyone these days but not him.

    “I suspect that all these things combine to make Nazi fantasy particularly popular with your average Guardianista.”

    Johan Hari did say all neo-Nazi movements are basically run by Gay people. So perhaps you are right.

  10. Paul Nottingham,

    “Call me squeamish, but I am definitely not in the market for edible thongs.”

    No, and the reason is that some flavours just don’t go together. The food and sex thing is a movie thing. It looks great, but chocolate or whipped cream + body secretions is pretty rank. Champagne works OK, though.

  11. Bloke in Costa Rica

    Ian B. in re garlic presses: “They make an excellent juicer for single grapes”. I am trying very hard to think of a set of circumstances in which I would need to juice a single grape and coming up short. In fact in the time it took me I’m sure I could have hypothesised two dozen erotic uses for kitchen paraphernalia.

  12. SE

    “You’d have to be in to some pretty repulsive bondage to use “The Joy of Tax” as a sex aid?

    Orgasm delayer. Back in the day I used to use VAT returns.

  13. No wonder SMFS spends so much time obsessing about gay people. It’s jealousy because his sex life must be so incredibly boring.

  14. BiCR-

    As a Puritan, I understand that the important thing about food is the labour deployed in its production, which brings me closer to God.

    I also grate cheese one shaving at a time with a tiny, blunt knife.

  15. “It’s not too specific, only the sex toy theft wasn’t from Wal-Mart but elsewhere.” – Anon

    Thanks! You saved me hours of aimless looking.

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