How absolutely bloody excellent!

Jamie Oliver warns David Cameron he’ll ‘get more ninja’ if he refuses to introduce a sugar tax

Can’t think of a better reason against a sugar tax than that really. Because the gobshite promises to be silent and invisible if we don’t get one.

61 thoughts on “How absolutely bloody excellent!”

  1. My wife’s got a floor to ceiling bookcase in the kitchen full of cookbooks including some by this dickhead.

    From time to time she’ll whip something up from one of them, and they invariably contain far more fat, sugar, salt and all-round calories than anyone needs.

    Along with his TV shows and restaurants, they just encourage people to eat more than necessary.

    I propose a special 95% surcharge on the profits made by cook books, TV cookery shows and restaurants.

  2. And the ghastly little oik pops occasionally to oppose any suggestion of an extra runway at Stansted. But then he’s a sleb.

  3. But ninjas do the most damage when the are silent and invisible. Doesn’t this mean that Oliver will sneak around destroying sugar silos, or whatever it is stored in, during the night to achieve his objectives? The good news is at least we don’t have to see or hear him do it.

  4. Interested, by far the best books are by James Martin – unashamedly crammed with fat, butter, cream and all the good stuff.

    As long as he scorns the foodie Purotans, there’ll always be someone worth watching.

  5. I never liked Jamie Oliver’s “down wiv the kidz” schtick, but it is even more annoying that he keeps it up even though he’s as middle-aged as they come.

  6. In more than one of his recipes I have seen the instruction to add “a lug” of olive oil.
    As ears vary in size, I really think he should be giving the metric equivalent.

  7. A couple of days after NZ PM John Keys got a dildo hurled at him in public, ‘get more ninja’ is probably a good enough threat to lock Oliver up. Please? He might have meant a throwing star.

  8. Also I treasure my Delia Smith cookbooks, because she doesn’t just give you recipes, but tells you how they are working behind the scenes so you can adapt them. That;s been a lot more helpful to me as a cook than ‘lovely, lashings of olive oil’

  9. Bloke no Longer in Austria

    Like many people capable of independent thought, I cannot abide Jamie Oliver and find him a pollutant on our TVs.

    We stopped watching him altogether after he did that series about school meals.
    We would watch this drivel and every time he came out with a nutritional “fact” we’d bellow “That’s a lie!” “It doesn’t work that way!” “He’s just plain wrong!”
    But of course there was no one to gainsay him and Channel4 lapped up all his SJW detritus.

    Alas it isn’t just him. I saw a documentary a couple of years ago, where some daft bint at the Advertising Standards Authority took it upon herself to dictate what Kellogs et al could put into their breakfast cereals.

    It is now commonplace to see that any facts pertaining to nutrition, health, climate, crime etc are based on the technique known as “making stuff up.”

    Bah, transportation to the Barbadoes and pushing into the sugar presses is too good for them.

  10. Loathsome mockney Essex twerp. He got right up my nose from the start. When my standard wine brand started collaring their bottles with the sainted “Oliver”, they lost my custom. Kerching.

    And he rides a scooter. What a cunt!

  11. Ltw,

    Delia Smith quit TV because the people making shows wanted a load of lifestyle shit and she just wanted to show people how to cook. She’s now doing the same thing online.

    The way cookery shows are made is that the BBC gets them very cheaply, and the production companies make money from the books. So, the TV shows are really adverts for the books. They sell a lifestyle to the viewer, but they don’t spell out the recipe, so to get that, you have to buy the book.

  12. I’ve seen one Oliver school lunch show. I believe it was Huntington WV so it may not have made it to Channel 4. His basic point that school food is crap was true even if he made important errors. At this point in time eating just one school meal would cost me three days thanks to my reaction to additives. I wouldn’t let my kids eat that either.

    As to making stuff up it has been commonplace for decades at least. I remember as a kid one day suddenly not liking many of the foods, like buttered toast, I had loved the day before. When I was old enough to buy my own food I started eating toast again using butter. The big change was a report saying butter is bad for you which led my parents to start buying margarine. Since this was in the early 80s making stuff up about food is at least 30 years old.

  13. I’m glad the saturated fats baaaaad thing is over. I’m now allowed to make fried eggs with lard again, which are 96 times tastier than when made with any form of veggie oil.

  14. He got right up my nose from the start. When my standard wine brand started collaring their bottles with the sainted “Oliver”, they lost my custom.

    I once refused to buy a very expensive saucepan (wedding present) because it had his name on as an endorsement.

  15. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I followed a Jamie Oliver recipe last Xmas when roasting a turkey. Being Jamie Oliver the recipe said:

    “If you’re doing roast potatoes and veggies, this is the time to crack on with them – get them into the oven for the last 45 minutes of cooking.”

    So, not knowing any better, I “cracked on with them” and “got them into the oven” – and fucked it up completely. Because roast potatoes take preparation, and you can’t just “crack on” and “get them in the oven”. But Oliver didn’t bother mentioning that, or even link to a recipe for roast potatoes. Obviously trying to be all informal and cool is more important than writing clear instructions. Twat.

  16. At this point in time eating just one school meal would cost me three days thanks to my reaction to additives.

    Are you the kid in school who was always having nosebleeds?

  17. @ Liberal Yank

    ‘His basic point that school food is crap was true even if he made important errors. At this point in time eating just one school meal would cost me three days thanks to my reaction to additives. I wouldn’t let my kids eat that either.’

    What additives specifically would ‘cost you three days’?

    ‘As to making stuff up it has been commonplace for decades at least. I remember as a kid one day suddenly not liking many of the foods, like buttered toast, I had loved the day before. When I was old enough to buy my own food I started eating toast again using butter. The big change was a report saying butter is bad for you which led my parents to start buying margarine. Since this was in the early 80s making stuff up about food is at least 30 years old.’

    It sounds like your parents were the kind of people who believed ‘the science’, just because it came out of the mouths of ‘scientists’. Weird thing is, you’re a ‘liberal’ in the US sense, of belonging to the side of politics that is constantly bombarding people with this bullshit and chiding and harrying and harrassing them into conforming with it? That’s odd.

  18. Tim I was a fairly healthy child.

    I started having severe reactions to red 40(allura red I believe you call it) in my 20s. Since this or other similar compounds are in most US processed foods I have to be very careful about what I eat. I won’t disgust you with the specific symptoms but within 2 hours of eating anything contaminated I need to stay very close to a bathroom. It takes around 3 days for the worst of the symptoms to pass.

    Jamie Oliver may be a douche but the basic premise that school food is junk is true in the US at least.

  19. When I call myself a liberal it is in the sense that I am open to new ideas. I recognize that nothing is black and white.

    As of last check that is not the current American version. For some reason the word has been corrupted to describe a political party instead of the act of increasing one’s general knowledge. You might even say that the changed definition of liberal is not something I am liberal about.

  20. “So, not knowing any better, I “cracked on with them” and “got them into the oven” – and fucked it up completely.”

    Shocking Project Management, I’m afraid.

    You need Delia.

  21. Liberal Yank

    I don’t think that liberal means increasing your knowledge. It means not poking your nose in other people’s bizney. But otherwise, understood. You’re just anti bullshit like most of us.

    Tim N

    If you must resort to cookbooks for Sunday lunch type stuff, go with Hugh FW.

  22. “If you’re doing roast potatoes and veggies, this is the time to crack on with them – get them into the oven for the last 45 minutes of cooking.”

    You need a recipe to tell you how to do roast potatoes?

  23. Interested

    I fully enjoy good bullshit at the right time in case you haven’t noticed. When bullshit is harmful, like we can power our entire electric grid with just RE, is when I have to take a stand.

    Everyone dissing Tim
    I assumed it was Tim’s first time having to roast the potatoes himself. If you don’t regularly cook it’s easy to underestimate prep times.

  24. You need a recipe to tell you how to do roast potatoes?

    Yes. I’d never done them before. What should I have done, stopped somebody on the street?

    FWIW I can cook, and I cook loads. But I learned to roast chicken from two Russians in Speedos who were drunk as skunks, and cooking the potatoes involved marinading them in mayonnaise. So I decided to try to roast a chicken the traditional way, which I’d never attempted before. I was thinking that reading a recipe was the way to go, but it appears for some these sort of skills are innate.

  25. I assumed it was Tim’s first time having to roast the potatoes himself. If you don’t regularly cook it’s easy to underestimate prep times.

    Indeed. Apparently you’re supposed to pre-cook them, and then baste them in lard before finishing them off in the oven. It’s all pretty simple once you have had it explained to you, but if not…

  26. Roasts just take some organisation.

    Get it right, which means allowing additional time here and there, also opens up huge swathes of pre-meal drinking time.

  27. Tim N,
    You need to bash them around a bit between boiling and roasting.

    It’s all in Delia.

    (Delia didn’t learn to cook either, and sort of stumbled into it, which may explain her success. It may have been better if she’d stumbled into something more serious – running the NHS or something. On the other hand, maybe not).

  28. It’s all in Delia.

    Thanks for that. I probably should have known better than to go with the thick-toungued twat, but proper instructions along with useful reasons why would go a long way. “Crack on with them…” FFS.

  29. Jack C notes “Get it right, which means allowing additional time here and there, also opens up huge swathes of pre-meal drinking time.”

    Yes indeed; the phrase ‘cooking wine’ is exactly that – wine you drink while cooking.

    At least, that’s what my sister says, and she cooks a lot, so it must be true.

  30. Tim Newman,

    To echo Jack C – Delia’s books are great for home cooking. I also recommend the Good Housekeeping ones. Someone once described Delia’s recipes as indestructible, and it’s not far wrong.

    The trouble with chefs writing books is that they’re so far from being amateurs that they’ve forgotten what it’s like. It’s like when computer language specialists write books – they’re terrible, because they’re so far from a guy who knows nothing.

  31. You also need to choose the right murphy for roasting. Jack C is spot on with bashing them around a bit – the idea is to get the outsides to absorb extra fat for crispiness.

    If you get a sufficiently floury potato like a King Edward they become naturally fluffy which makes them ideal.

    Yellow fleshed waxy ones are not so good for roasting in the traditional English way though perfect for salads, mash, baking or plain boiled with butter, salt and parsley.

  32. “And he rides a scooter. What a cunt!”

    That’s the best news I’ve heard all day. Excellent chances of being run over by a truck.

  33. Also…my memory is fucking awful. Even for stuff I’ve made a hundred times, I need to recipe because I can’t remember how I did it last time.

    Interesting. My memory for recipes is dreadful: I simply can’t recall the quantities, intervals and actions. Perhaps it comes with practice. I can recall any number of other things – ‘phone numbers, anecdotes, proofs, formulae, practical methods for all sorts of things, arguments from books, quotations, references, directions, maps, pictures, faces….But recipes – and, incidentally, plots of films, novels, etc – I easily forget.

    By contrast, my wife can remember any number of recipes. Remarkably, she can remember in detail houses we considered buying some 30 years ago; but she can’t read a map — sat-nav probably saved my marriage — or remember what I said yesterday. Funny dat.

  34. Bloke in Costa Rica

    My parents used to do a full roast dinner most weekends. Joint, roast spuds, parsnips, cabbage, Yorkshires, gravy, the works. It got to the point where everything appeared on the plates (which had gone under the gas grill on low to warm five minutes prior) simultaneously. Even the mustard—Colman’s, natch—was made up the correct interval in advance to achieve optimum potency. The table was set and decorated the night before, wine was uncorked at the right time, serving dishes materialised from out of cupboards and everybody sat down at precisely the same instant. Most of the washing-up was done during rather than after. My Dad and I even found time for two or three monster G&T’s each while all this was going on. Observing this process for many years taught me the importance of sequencing prep stages in cooking and it’s stood me in good stead. One of the most important lessons is that cooking and prep times in cook books (even the sainted Delia’s) are very optimistic, especially if it’s the first time you’ve made that recipe.

  35. I’m going to swim against the tide here: I like Oliver, and I’ve learnt more about cooking by watching his shows than any other. In fairness, I’m ok in the kitchen to start with, so it’s more about technique and ideas than following a recipe, but he’s not bad at all for a cook whose stuff you can follow at home.

    On the crusading thing: I get why people (especially here) don’t like the stance he’s taken, but when you see what schools were serving, and what they do serve now (yes- I have kids now and can remember my own school meals in the 1990’s), at least some of the improvements can be put down to him.

    So: his persona may not be to your taste, but he is at least trying to hold the gvt to some kind of standard when it’s looking after the kids, so he can’t be all bad, right?

    PS: use trex for roast spuds, if you aren’t using goose fat or lard, and par boil them. Simple.

  36. So: his persona may not be to your taste, but he is at least trying to hold the gvt to some kind of standard when it’s looking after the kids, so he can’t be all bad, right?

    Er, No. Because his food ‘science’ is largely rubbish. The best way to improve the diet of school children is to move to a market-driven school system. Then parents will decide for themselves…

  37. I miss Keith Floyd. Food was for pleasure not virtue, best accompanied both in the preparation and consumption with liberal quantities of decent wine. Oliver is a puritanical mockney spoilsport.

  38. The way cookery shows are made is that the BBC gets them very cheaply, and the production companies make money from the books. So, the TV shows are really adverts for the books. They sell a lifestyle to the viewer, but they don’t spell out the recipe, so to get that, you have to buy the book.

    Or visit the BBC food website.

  39. I’m with john square on this.

    I can’t say I follow the man closely, but I’ve never noticed him to be terribly pc. There’s an Italian book of his that carries a graphic image warning (mangled animals all over the place). He is absolutely a foodie.

    And the school campaign was tremendous; it wasn’t about rubbish science, it was about getting people to lift their horizons a bit and not eat deep-fried turkey shapes morning, noon and night. It took balls too.

    And he once told Bill Clinton and entourage to screw themselves.

    As it is written in the scriptures, there is only one Delia, and can only be one Delia. But he is a decent acolyte.

  40. I’ve seen one Oliver school lunch show. I believe it was Huntington WV so it may not have made it to Channel 4. His basic point that school food is crap was true even if he made important errors.

    American school lunches are crap because the government controls them.

    The government’s food advice has been terrible for decades, encouraging Americans to carb-load; never mind the bad advice about butter or eggs or the constantly changing advice on coffee. They got saccharine badly wrong, too.

    I’d be in favor, in theory, of the schools teaching children how to cook, although in practice I know they’ll screw it up and the politics will lead to people wanting to impose their preferred dietary ides on the kids. That and the unionized cafeteria workers having a shit fit. Start with the little kids learning how to read labels and measure things, and then work up from there.

  41. Easy way to roast potatoes:
    – boil them for a few minutes. So that the outside is soft
    – drain them and get them fairly dry. On very low power in the microwave if you like
    – deep-fat fry them for a few minutes until they’re the right colour.
    – put them in a roasting tin in the oven

    Which is not to say that Delia’s way isn’t better if you’re going to give the potatoes the attention and oven temperature they need for optimum roasting. Just that you may have other things on your mind.

  42. So 1) boil, 2) microwave, 3) deep-fat fry then 4) roast.

    This is just job-creation, and not terribly green.

    Socialists always assume that they will be Inner Circle and avoid the washing-up.

    And no mention of the all-important bashing step.

  43. “the basic premise that school food is junk is true in the US at least”: indeed, the children should go home to have lunch with Mummy. Or if they are old enough, go out to a billiard hall to have a pie and a pint.

  44. He’s abusing his public position to press for a lunatic, ineffective and extremely regressive tax on ‘sugar’, and for that alone the man is a cunt. The fat hypocrite is happy to serve such ‘death food’ at eye-watering prices in his own joints though.

    And don’t think these maniacs will be satisfied with just ‘sugar’. You really have to read about what “public health” are demanding. Many of them are fucking certifiable.

  45. Most of the outburst of dislike on here reads like sheer snobbery. Only John Square and Jack C give him an even break.

  46. DBC Reed: Most of the outburst of dislike on here reads like sheer snobbery. Only John Square and Jack C give him an even break.

    Nonsense. For my part I only talked about potatoes and I find myself now addressing a complete turnip.

  47. “the children should go home to have lunch with Mummy.”

    You’re forgetting that in the US we have a lot of children that don’t get enough to eat. “Mummy’s” meth sandwich with a 40 to drink is arguably worse than standard school food so that isn’t an option. In many areas schools have been adding breakfast as the children don’t get it at home. In reality school lunches are one of the more efficient ways the government wastes money.

    “Or if they are old enough, go out to a billiard hall to have a pie and a pint.”

    You are assuming that the kids who need school lunches the most A) have money and B) don’t go to school in a “drug free” and “gun free” zone which requires armed guards to enter and exit.

    @DBC Reed I didn’t even get an honorable mention? I thought I went as far defending Oliver as I can for someone that hasn’t watched him in a decadish.

  48. “the idea is to get the outsides to absorb extra fat for crispiness”

    Actually MB, thanks for agreeing, but the statement above is dangerously close to letting sunshine in, or whatever, on whatever it is.

    In this context, bashing is next to Godliness. Absorbing extra fat has entirely the wrong tone.

  49. I repeat: you need a recipe to cook roast potatoes?

    Yes. What’s the issue, here?

    Nice get-out story, though.

    My story being “I didn’t know how to cook roast potatoes, and so I needed a recipe.” Bar must be set pretty low for stories in your household.

  50. @AndrewK
    “In more than one of his recipes I have seen the instruction to add “a lug” of olive oil.
    As ears vary in size, I really think he should be giving the metric equivalent.”

    Maybe he said a slug?
    Which is a unit of weight equivalent to 14.59kg.
    Although that sounds like a lot of olive oil… 😛

  51. “I repeat: you need a recipe to cook roast potatoes?
    Yes. What’s the issue, here?”

    Stand still while we snicker, Newman.

    “My story being “I didn’t know how to cook roast potatoes, and so I needed a recipe.” Bar must be set pretty low for stories in your household.”

    No, the story about the drunken Russians in speedos, obviously. (I suspect you have a lot of stories like that. Personally a lot of my excuses also involve copious amounts of booze.)

  52. DBC Reed “Most of the outburst of dislike on here reads like sheer snobbery.”

    No. I don’t usually watch cooking programmes, but I caught a little of one with the sainted Jamie. When adding salt, he brushed aside Saxa sodium chloride “too chemical…” in favour of expensive primo expensivo sea salt (sodium chloride).

    It’s not snobbishness. He’s a wanker. That’s clear to many, but not to you. Salt is salt. Do you pay a premium for non-sodium chloride sodium chloride?

  53. Stand still while we snicker, Newman.

    Meh, I can offer far more embarrassing admissions than that, like the time I had a party with two Russians wearing…oh, wait.

    No, the story about the drunken Russians in speedos, obviously. (I suspect you have a lot of stories like that. Personally a lot of my excuses also involve copious amounts of booze.)

    I have lots of stories like that. But to continue with this one, one of the Russians had rainbow Speedos. Rainbow. And nothing else. And he was in my flat. Not knowing how to roast potatoes until I posted such on here is the least of it.

  54. @BiJ If he talked proper and went to a good public school ,you wouldn’t give a toss about his use of sea-salt.
    @LY Being a Liberal American , you could not be accused of descending to the depths of British (mainly English) snobbishness so were exempted (even from approval: apologies.)
    (I doubt/ hope you don’t get the weird connotations placed on the term “public school” in England) .
    This country is structurally damaged by snobbery.The economy is fucked by the snobs’ obsession with owning property and having a bank account. I once worked for somebody who was a tiresome academic snob but also forbade his children to eat fish and chips( which they got at their granny’s)

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