A standard Carry On joke

Belcher: “I’ve never ridden in a cart pulled by cows before.” Captain Keene: “Bullocks, Mr Belcher!” Belcher: “No, I haven’t, honestly.”

It’s not a high standard to be honest but it is our standard…..

On of the first lot (which one? Doctor?) was a massive hit in the States. Lord alone knows what they all thought of us as a result….

A recent poll declared the greatest one-liner in film history to be Kenneth Williams’s dying cry in Carry On Cleo — “Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!” — which Rothwell lifted, with permission, from the radio show Take It From Here.

And that is indeed a great line.

27 thoughts on “A standard Carry On joke”

  1. So Much For Subtlety

    This week it was announced that a new slate of Carry On films is going into production, 58 years after the first

    Personally I really didn’t like the Carry On films, but this just makes my heart sink. You may as well remake Benny Hill.

    Can you imagine our politically correct metrosexual elite trying to do this? Carry On without the breasts, smutty innuendo or laughing at homosexuals?

    Still. I expect that Guy Ritchie will have found his metier. If they let him direct.

  2. So Much For Subtlety

    I assume that joke comes before the slightly better Flashman one:

    Lord Raglan says something like “I feel like some Trollope”.
    Flashman: “Bit hard to find one in these parts”

  3. SMFS, have you read Patrick O’Brien’s similar Napoleonic War era joke:
    “My bankers are Hoares.” Then, having complained that they are useless, “Oh, for a capable Fugger!”

    (I may be conflating two of his banker-related jokes from different books there)

  4. Bloke no Longer in Austria

    Carry on Screaming provides one of the great set-pieces where Inspector Bung and Slowbottom are sifting the clues and writing them on the blackboard :

    “Firstly there’s FOUL play
    Then there’s those FEET
    And that awful SMELL
    And that creature SOMETHING HORRIBLE, it was.
    Right let’s see what we’ve got.”

  5. The new Carry On films will be a disappointment and a flop. The old ones worked because of the calibre of the people delivering the lines and because they offered a peep behind the magic curtain in a period of relative sexual impoverishment. They relied on bum-titty leering, “humorous” racism and slapstick, and none of these things are particularly funny any more.

  6. From Carry on Abroad:

    Sid James: “Don’t drink?”
    June Whitfield: “No, I tried it once and didn’t like it.”
    Sid: “Have a smoke?”
    June: “I tried it once and didn’t like it.”
    Sid: “Strange.”
    June: “Not at all. My daughter’s the same.” Sid (after a pause): “Your only child, I presume.”

  7. BnliA – “Do you mind if I smoke?”

    I love the Carry Ons. Many of them dross of course but Cleo, up the Khyber and Screaming are amongst my favourite films.

  8. Ahh Sid James.

    Makes me think of Hancock’s Half Hour

    Which makes me thinks of the Goons.

    Dunno if anything more recent is as funny: I guess Blackadder, Red Dwarf and Terry Pratchett.

    Sheltered life I have lead.

  9. So Much For Subtlety

    Tim Worstall – “That joke was at least 50 years old when Sid told it.”

    Do you think that any joke from before 1970 didn’t date back at least to Rome? Many of them older turning up on cuneiform tablets?

    The difference between those and jokes after 1975 or so is that the older ones are funny and little since 1990 has been

  10. I have very slight hopes for the new Carry Ons, they are being written by the Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps sitcom writers. Those sitcoms weren’t excessively funny, but they were quite rude, and in a non-PC manner too.

    So if anyone can pull it off (ooh err matron!) maybe they can.

  11. I have passed on my love of Carry Ons to my daughter, who will be passing it on to our grandkids.

    I’m awaiting an earnest piece in CiF any time now.

  12. They relied on bum-titty leering, “humorous” racism and slapstick, and none of these things are particularly funny any more.

    No, they’re all still just as funny as they always where. It’s just that the SJW’s have all had a senseofhumourectomy and have decided to try to inflict the same on the rest of us.

  13. Two Pints was absolute garbage.

    The Carry-On characters however rude at least were portrayed as good hearted.

    The Two Pints crew were todays vapid and self-serving turds –who didn’t give a shit about anybody except themselves.

  14. If you’ve access to Dave then the Hoff the Record series is worth a look.

    David Hasslehoff plays himself trying to make a comeback in the UK.

    In one episode he arrives at a film studio with his (short fat pony-tailed) Asian driver and (short fat dumpy) female PA. A bright young assistant marches up to them with a clipboard “Now”, she asks brightly “which one of you is David Hasslehoff?”

    (the Hoff finds himself up against, among others, a midget and a girl and doesn’t get the part).

  15. (the Hoff finds himself up against, among others, a midget and a girl and doesn’t get the part).

    Perhaps I should have added he was auditioning to play himself in a biopic being made about him.

  16. Yes, the old Carry Ons were stuff you either loved (myself) or thought “silly” (my Mum). My personal favourite gag was “But Matron, I was once a weak man”, “Once a week is enough for any man”. And my favourite scene just has to be the dinner party at the end of Up the Khyber – and the way the missionary is going nuts at the way the others seem oblivious to the mayhem around.
    But it wasn’t just the gags (some of them verbal, many of them visual – it was the expert delivery. So many of them were just the way the characters looked, or in some cases made sounds (I recall Sid James was no stranger to “phoar” type responses).
    I fear (and I think it’s already been demonstrated) that it will be very hard to do a modern Carry On – too much of the humour is now considered non-PC, And I’m not sure there are that many current actors who can quite capture that combination of slapstick, “innocent” inuendo, and visual gags.

  17. “And my favourite scene just has to be the dinner party at the end of Up the Khyber – and the way the missionary is going nuts at the way the others seem oblivious to the mayhem around.”

    Strawberry mousse!!!!

  18. HJ : I’m a simple woman with simple tastes and I just want to be wooed.

    KW : Ooh you can be as WUDE as you like with me…

  19. The last one they made, Columbus, was shit.

    As much as Clary was the same kind of double-entendrist – abit more graphic obviously, a lot of the humour was based on the underground gay language. As such, I rate Williams’s performances as pretty brave, and all Hawtrey had to do was to be put in front a camera and told to be himself.

    Williams in full flow is totemic of light entertainment at that time.

    It’s difficult to see how it can work now. There is no real ‘naughty boy’ humour anymore, and if it can be more visually funny than Police Squad/Naked Gun/Airplane – even the Simpsons, then it’ll take more than the horrible Two Pints…team to do it.

    Julian Clary does ‘rude’ but it was still crap as a Carry On.

  20. So Much For Subtlety

    Captain Fatty – “Eh? Why did that post twice?”

    Isn’t it the unofficial motto of the Carry On scripts that if a joke is worth doing, it is worth doing again?

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