I do wish I could write like this

The snowflakes quickly began demanding that London – Ponce Central – be allowed to secede from the rest of this churlish isle, with just a unicorn-shuttle-service to keep them connected to Scotland. The prospect of getting shot of 99 per cent of man-buns and clean-eaters in one fell swoop was almost parasexually thrilling,

During the course of this splendid campaign, every Ponce in Christendom seems to have stuck his patrician nose about the parapet, sniffed the Great Unwashed and called on the waddling geese of Strasbourg to stand between them and us ruffians.

18 thoughts on “I do wish I could write like this”

  1. Still, it’s been a good week: two of the most loathsome collectives in the country have been humiliated.

    (i) The Project Fear ultra-entitled arseholes.

    (ii) The England ultra-entitled football fans.

    Now for the Labour party.

  2. Witchsmeller Pursuivant

    Is there anyone left in the Labour party other than Corbyn ?

    A couple of hundred thousands of his supporters.

  3. Most -that is indeed MOST – of my Facebook friends are those posh-Liverpudlian-wish-they-were-hard-Scouse wankers that control local politics on Liverpool. I can only echo Julie’s delight in an event unique in the great distress caused to so many of the ponces at once.

    And yep, the anger has been interspersed with proud boasts of the Irish passports being sought “for my childrens’ future”. Of course these ponce have no intention of actually actually like going to Ireland and working and paying taxes and contributing to that nation than Richard Murphy has of….er…..actually going to Ireland and working and paying taxes and contributing to the nation.

  4. dearieme,

    It’s not a matter of employing subs; it’s a matter of employing someone brave enough to correct the sainted Julie’s prose.

    Anyway, I’m with Tim: she’s brilliant, and I’m sure your preferred subbed version of her piece would be vastly inferior.

  5. I broadly agree, Julie, and you made me smile – I like “remants”. But I think of you as a right-leaning version of Laurie Penny, not least because you seem to fabricate anecdotes to suit your agenda. You are an accomplished wordsmith, but Rod Liddle is much funnier than you will ever be. And, when I recall that guardianista Suzanne Moore is your close friend, I recall that you are a femiloon, too. 6/10, old girl.

  6. “Rod Liddle is much funnier than you will ever be.”

    Ooh, not sure about that. He seems a bit of a thug, really.

  7. Bloke in Costa Rica

    Oh he is. A total thug. But he’s funny as fuck. Just like Tim with Burchill’s piece here, I often find myself reading Liddle and thinking, jesus, wish I’d written that. Anyway, most of his targets merit a bit of thuggery. They’re cunts.

  8. “Ooh, not sure about that. He seems a bit of a thug, really.”

    Don’t forget to powder your nose.

  9. “Anyway, most of his targets merit a bit of thuggery. They’re cunts.”

    Invective and snarling contempt, with a rational and evidential basis, are not thuggery. Not in any way. You are playing right into the left’s hands by labelling him as such.

  10. Bloke in Costa Rica

    You misunderstand. I’m not using the word thug as a pejorative. We need more thugs. Farage’s speech in the whorehouse in Brussels was thuggish, and so we had a lot of nominally Brexit-supporting people saying it was de trop. No it wasn’t. These fuckers needed putting in their place, and observing the niceties wasn’t going to cut it.

  11. I complimented Liddle on one of his turns of phrase once and asked where he nicked it from. He commented back with the title and author. So that’s me sold. He can do no wrong in my eyes.

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