Quick! Quick! Ban Dildos!

Teenagers may lose their virginity to sex robots in the future, a leading expert predicted yesterday.
Professor Noel Sharkey, emeritus professor of robotics at Sheffield University, warned that android sex dolls may have damaging consequences for society.
He said that just as the rise of internet porn took the Government by surprise, a similarly seismic robot revolution is on the way – with far-reaching consequences.

I do like that nod that seismic gives to earth moving. But it is obviously true that if mechanical aids to orgasm are damaging to society then so are dildos. Better ban them soon and insist that only the natural alternative be used by any woman.

30 thoughts on “Quick! Quick! Ban Dildos!”

  1. I’m ready to do my social duty, Tim.

    And, I am totally naturally organic (except for the few unnecessary fillings I had a as a youngster under the pay per filling of the NHS).

  2. So Much For Subtlety

    So instead of losing their virginity to a robot, this doctor wants to make sure they do it the traditional way with their right hand?

    You know there is a logic here but it needs to be pushed all the way. Presumably he means to ban porn as well. In fact once you go down this road, how far is it until you reach Saudi Arabia where the men are men and the sheep very afraid?

  3. The scientistic creep is calling for more state oppression over a something that isn’t yet real and may never be.

    He needs to be sacked without compensation and his pension confiscated.

  4. “the rise of internet porn took the Government by surprise, ”

    Really? Are they astonished by the sun rising in the morning too?

  5. Bilbao boy,

    Me too. Lost about a quarter of my teeth now due the the NHS paying dentists ten bob a time to wreck my pearly whites back in the 50s.

    A couple of quid for you, a lifetime of dental problems for me. Cvnts. Utter, utter cvnts.

    This of course has nothing at all to do with my carefully reasoned view that the only good socialist is one nailed upside down to a tree over a slow fire.

  6. Practicing on a sex robot would do most teenagers and their future partners the world of good.

    Of course the real problem with sex robots, if it can be described as a problem, is the same as with all mechanisation – human obsolescence.

    When you can have a tireless Scarlett Johannsen/Brad Pitt lookalike to service your every need, why put up with tantrums, impotence, dodgy personal hygiene and unwanted use of teeth?

    I’d be quite tempted myself, except I watched a documentary about those Real Dolls which freaked me out a bit. Too much like having a dead body in the house. Not sure I could sleep with one next to me.

  7. So Much For Subtlety

    ‘It will get in the way of real life, stopping people forming relationships with normal people.’

    So he is saying that experience with a robot who will actually have sex with you will create utterly unrealistic expectations and prevent young men coping with real marriage with real women?

    You know, I think he might be on to something.

  8. The aim of feminism is to eliminate sexual restrictions on women while maximally restricting men’s.
    It is therefore entirely logical to ban sex dolls but not dildos.

  9. If you want to see the real death of academia, you have to look to the worlds of computing and robotics. In no other field are academics so pointless and redundant. OK, Stamford, MIT and Cambridge maybe produce the odd thing, but most of the innovation and serious learning in the field is private sector. It’s kids sitting at home with books, people doing seminars, meetup groups, online training.

    No-one is even close to this stage with robots. I know a woman who developed a dildo with biofeedback – it responds to things like heart rate to determine what to do next. She’s like the Tony Stark of dildos.

    I’ve always been struck by a line from Spielberg’s AI where Gigolo Joe explains that they’ll never be loved like people or dogs, that people don’t love mecha. Even if we get to the stage of being close, people will know the difference. You watch porn and it isn’t like actually watching a couple of people who are into each other going at it. You see the facade drop all the time. And that would be the same with robots. We’d spot the imperfections.

  10. Will this robot divorce you in ten years, taking the house, your kids and half of your income for the rest of your life?

  11. As soon as they are sufficiently lifelike, I reckon that sex robots will be ten times more common than iPhones. About half the worlds men desire nothing more than a cunt that won’t answer back !

  12. I sneeze in threes

    Send him the DVD of Ex Machina. (Spoiler alert) Now if that film doesn’t act as a warning nothing will, oh I meant a warning about not letting sexbots have knives.

    I’m suprised the we didn’t here more protests from the femanistas about that film, maybe the didn’t what to give it too much publicity. I especially liked how the earlier AI versions couldn’t talk. Everyday Feminism must have been spitting feathers about that.

  13. “…insist that only the natural alternative be used by any woman.”

    An Internet user writes: You mean bananas, yeah?

  14. I’d be quite tempted myself, except I watched a documentary about those Real Dolls which freaked me out a bit. Too much like having a dead body in the house. Not sure I could sleep with one next to me.

    The Japanese, who have done most of the research in this area because of their concerns about demographics have discovered that the more human like you make an android the more creeped out by it you become.

    It’s a phenomena known as Bukimi no Tani Genshō (不気味の谷現象) or “Uncanny Valley”.

    So, sure you might fuck an artificial Scarlett Johansson, but when you’re done you’ll put her damp bits to soak and put the rest of her back in the closet.

  15. So Much For Subtlety

    John Galt – “The Japanese, …. have discovered that the more human like you make an android the more creeped out by it you become. …. So, sure you might fuck an artificial Scarlett Johansson, but when you’re done you’ll put her damp bits to soak and put the rest of her back in the closet.”

    So you’re saying that when I build my Scarlett Johansson sexbot, she should have little cat ears and a little kitten tail?

    So that I won’t get too freaked out?

  16. So you’re saying that when I build my Scarlett Johansson sexbot, she should have little cat ears and a little kitten tail?

    Or just fuck her doggy style?

  17. He stops just short of saying that men build society fuelled by their sex drive. That would make us sound too useful and jives with the group think which says we’re useless.

    But that’s OK – you girls can pick up the slack, you don’t mind that do you?

  18. But that’s OK – you girls can pick up the slack, you don’t mind that do you?

    The feminist meme is “Leaning In” after the book “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead” written by Sheryl Sandberg, the chief operating officer of Facebook.

    So the ladies can “Lean In” while you guys grab a beer before going balls deep in android Scarlett Johansson.

    Keep living the dream guys!

  19. Once you’ve got realistic sex robots/holograms with VR, will humanity die out?

    After all, if you can build your ideal man/woman on a computer, why would you bother with anything else?

  20. @Tim – that only kicks in once you have children. Before then it’s getting laid that counts.

    VR kids will be available, to go along with the tanned and muscled VR husband. With the key benefit that you can turn them all off.

    It’s better than life, I tell you.

  21. Can’t you tell the difference between a thought experiment and a call to ban something?

    The Greeks got a lot of things right, even if it was a long time ago.

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