Europeans, eh?

Belgian Neanderthals were eating each other 40,000 years ago, new research has shown.

The grisly discovery was made in a cave where scientists found bones bearing marks left by intentional butchering.

Not only were they cannibals, but the Belgians appear to have fashioned tools out of the bones of their own kind.

Belgians are a human subspecies that lives in Europe.

18 thoughts on “Europeans, eh?”

  1. I thought Belgium was created as somewhere for the Krauts and Frogs to sort out their differences, or something to buffer them apart.

  2. Belgians are a bit ‘special’, nothing new there. But best explanation I’ve seen as to how they managed to get the chips and beer so right.

    If the alternative is granny met

  3. Andrew,

    I think in matters of food you’d be hard pressed to tell – the only thing that unites the Belgians is a common fear that someone will come along and tell them to eat smaller portions.

    Since canabalism is almost always ritual in human society (and presumably Neanderthal as well), it appears that the proto-Belgians found a suitable punishment for the public health brigade promoting eating more healthly anyway.

  4. Maybe they ate their dead, like the people of New Guinea. It’s efficient, and Neanderthals lived almost exclusively on meat, so every source would count.

  5. Mayonnaise on chips? Chocolate-obsessed? Penchant for paedophilia? History of cannibalism? Yup, strange folk the Belgians. And they are another argument for Brexit.

  6. “Ian B, it’s efficient, yes. Until you contract kuru…”

    Yes, but then IanB cannot see what is wrong with incest. You are dealing with a halfwit who imagines he’s an intellectual libertarian.

  7. “Since canabalism is almost always ritual in human society”: is that one of those bits of wishful thinking that anthropologists specialise in?

  8. Eating the elderly isn’t particularly efficient anyway, for the same reason that farmers don’t let their herd die of natural causes before shipping them off.

  9. Quoting from one of the best Monty Python skits, the “Prejudice” game show:

    … we asked you to find a derogatory term for the Belgians. Well, the response was enormous and we took quite a long time sorting out the winners. There were some very clever entries. Mrs Hatred of Leicester Said ‘let’s not call them anything, let’s just ignore them’ … (applause starts vigorously, but he holds his hands up for silence) … and a Mr St John of Huntingdon said he couldn’t think of anything more derogatory than Belgians. (cheers and applause; a girl in showgirl costume comes on and holds up placards through next bit) But in the end we settled on three choices: number three … the Sprouts (placard ‘The Sprouts’), sent in by Mrs Vicious of Hastings… very nice ; number two….. the Phlegms (placard) … from Mrs Childmolester of Worthing; but the winner was undoubtedly from Mrs No-Supper-For-You from Norwood in Lancashire… Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards. (placard; roar of applause)

    “The Phlegms” has been on my top ten list of clever word play for about 40 years now.

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