A message from Her Majesty

Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and other realms beyond the sea, graciously acknowledges the victory of her subjects in the recent Olympics Games. We think that you have done well, vry, vry well, in gaining more medals than any other legitimate grouping of people and peoples across the globe. We are most proud of you.

If we may also (but of course we may! Ha Ha!) make a more personal comment?

Eat dirt Barack.

10 thoughts on “A message from Her Majesty”

  1. Fiji’s Rugby Sevens team was nearly 0.1% of its population – much better than UK’s 1 gold medal per million or the USA’s 0.whatever.
    Isle of Man did almost as well.
    Her Majesty’s dominions were outstanding

  2. How did I forget Jamaica? After three Olympics in succession I’m taking them for granted.
    More than 10 gold medals per million of population (and Usain Bolt only won half of them so the rest of Jamaica was 5 times as good as GB and umpteen times better than almost anyone else).

  3. . . . more medals than any other legitimate grouping . . .

    With the ability to spin results like that we’ll have you moving up the Civil Service ladder in no time.

  4. Maritime Barbarian

    I made this sort of calculation in 2012.
    HM the Queen topped the list then, only counting dominions, and only counting golds.

    Didn’t publish it because it’s all a bit naff to talk about medal tables an all, when it’s not a level playing field between rich and poor, GDP, population etc.
    Pathetic little people in Brussels, publishing that list . . . .

  5. It’s just jingoist bollocks though. Yes, we’re good at targeting our spending on minor sports that other countries don’t bother with. Women’s Trampoline, for fucks sake: most people don’t know it exists, and barely a dozen countries even bothered to field a competitor. The British government deserves a gold medal for administrative excellence (a stunning achievement for any executive branch, I must admit; or perhaps not, given the £4m per medal spending). All the rest follows from that.

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