We’ve mentioned Hannah before around here.

Gazing at a woman’s face in extreme close up, I can see her eyes are bloodshot, her lips chapped, her cheeks flushed with rosacea. Her mouth hangs open in animal confusion as she feels the bruises on her shoulders and the seeping wound on her scalp.
I’m watching The Girl On The Train – the thriller of the moment – based on the Paula Hawkins novel that has sold millions.
I am supposed to be riveted, rapt. All I feel is overwhelmingly sad.

Because, as Hannah says, all that booze is just how she was and so on. We can’t call her a one trick pony, obviously, as there’s the two stories, the booze one and the I don’t want kids and I’m very happy about that one.

Still she’ll have billed somewhere in the £3,000 to £5,000 range for that piece (£2 a word and up at the Mail for a proper feature) which makes it worth telling the story again, no?

37 thoughts on “We’ve mentioned Hannah before around here.”

  1. I cut and pasted her text into an editor, which gave a word count of about 2,100, including captions. That suggests her brief was to submit 2,000 words, so according to your estimate she charges £4,000+ to humiliate herself in public.

    Among the terms so far lost to the English language since 1960 are:

    decorum
    dignity
    self-respect

    No doubt many others spring to mind.

  2. “…my daughter recently added tracking software to her own phone so she can see where she’s been the night before.”

    Isn’t that jusy going to show her where her phone’s been..?

  3. That said, I’m glad someone is saying this

    “Middle-aged women such as myself have been at the forefront of this transition into kamikaze carousing: a shift from an occasional, festive glass on high days and holidays to Mumsnet’s ‘wine o’clock’. Time was when fat was a feminist issue. Today it’s booze.”

    Middle aged women are a fucking disaster. The amount of fucking watching TV and drinking wine is getting out of hand. The middle age blokes I know have all cut right down, a lot of them are going out and exercising. Probably helps that TV is all shite like Strictly or Bake Off, so it’s either go to the gym or watch internet porn.

  4. “Middle aged women are a fucking disaster. The amount of fucking watching TV ”
    Oh hell! Now I’ve an image of a podgy bint, in doggie, with her eyes glued to Jeremy Kyle. Not nice. Quite spoiled me breakfast.

  5. BiW, hardly surprising middle-aged blokes are going out when their wives are pissed up sat in front of some shite on the telly box.

  6. “Oh hell! Now I’ve an image of a podgy bint, in doggie, with her eyes glued to Jeremy Kyle”

    No, completely wrong. We’re talking middle-class women watching American box sets, and X-Factor/Strictly/Bake Off type UK crap, in the evenings.

  7. “Middle-aged women such as myself have been at the forefront of this transition into kamikaze carousing: a shift from an occasional, festive glass on high days and holidays to Mumsnet’s ‘wine o’clock’. Time was when fat was a feminist issue. Today it’s booze.”

    Blame men, because men are to blame.

  8. Apparently, born again ex-drinkers are just as sanctimonious and irritating as born again ex-smokers. I’m pouring another glass.

  9. Mal Reynolds (Serenity)

    “Middle aged women are a fucking disaster. The amount of fucking watching TV and drinking wine is getting out of hand. The middle age blokes I know have all cut right down, a lot of them are going out and exercising.”

    Spot on with my experience too. But then that may just be the crowds I spend time with. I’m not middle aged myself (mid-20s) but I know scores of men getting into cycling and triathlon (my hobbies, hence how I know). The entire sport is filled out with men from 35 to 50 (seriously. the largest age groups at any race are either 40-45 or 45-50). Meanwhile their wives have decided that drinking wine is THE defining aspect of their personalities and cannot go two days without a facebook post mentioning it is wine-o-clock.

  10. Middle-aged women such as myself have been at the forefront of this transition into kamikaze carousing: a shift from an occasional, festive glass on high days and holidays to Mumsnet’s ‘wine o’clock’. Time was when fat was a feminist issue. Today it’s booze.

    So feminists encourage women to adopt men’s habits and at more like men. Now we find they can’t handle it very well and it makes them sad. Why, it’s almost as if hundreds of years of human development knew something feminists didn’t!

  11. I’m not middle aged myself (mid-20s) but I know scores of men getting into cycling and triathlon (my hobbies, hence how I know).

    To be fair, this isn’t great either: most of them are going through a mid-life crisis. I have a friend in a triathlon club who says not a week goes by without a middle-aged bloke turning up and announcing he’s going to run an Ironman. And yeah, while he’s training 20 hours per week his wife is taking care of the house and the kids. I think this one cuts both ways, tbh.

    Obviously this doesn’t apply to those racing snakes who have always done these sports.

  12. “The entire sport is filled out with men from 35 to 50 (seriously. the largest age groups at any race are either 40-45 or 45-50).”

    Tallies pretty closely with a race I ran yesterday morning (not triathlon though – who swims a mile in filthy water?)

  13. Bloke in North Dorset

    “To be fair, this isn’t great either: most of them are going through a mid-life crisis. I have a friend in a triathlon club who says not a week goes by without a middle-aged bloke turning up and announcing he’s going to run an Ironman. And yeah, while he’s training 20 hours per week his wife is taking care of the house and the kids. I think this one cuts both ways, tbh.”

    Exactly. When I did the London marathon it wasn’t the race that pissed my wife off, it all the training hours, especially weekends.

  14. So Much For Subtlety

    Bloke in Wiltsire – “Middle aged women are a fucking disaster. The amount of fucking watching TV and drinking wine is getting out of hand.”

    Women have got what feminists told them they wanted and perhaps it is no surprise they are not happy.

    Maybe the solution is for men to take a firmer line.

  15. I’ll have to raise a dissenting hand here- where I am (in the rural shires) the wives are all doing their best to juggle jobs, kids and social activities, and this seems to edge out TV, booze and lazy times indulging themselves.

    True, the blokes are all doing the same (plus often developing an alarmingly fetishistic interest in cycling), and I’m not saying that’s a positive thing, but I don’t recognise a lot of what previous commenters are seeing.

  16. Mal Reynolds (Serenity)

    I’ll have to raise a dissenting hand here- where I am (in the rural shires) the wives are all doing their best to juggle jobs, kids and social activities, and this seems to edge out TV, booze and lazy times indulging themselves.

    May be based on the age of the kids. The women I know have kids in their late teens and older (or are childless) so they can devote all their energies to their wine drinking and TV.

    Cycling is the middle-aged man’s sport. It is in many respects the new golf. You can show off your money with a flashy bike. Spend whole days away from your alcoholic wife and the kids and hang out with your mates instead. Endless talk about gadgets and components, as well as strava logs and rides. I can’t compete with the money-spending firepower that 40 year olds have so I just have to train harder. Luckily I have no attachments that would start to resent so much time spent training.

  17. Some years ago, she used to write a weekly column on cosmetics in The Times. One column caught my eye: she announced that she intended to get laid at the weekend so had had a Brazilian wax to prepare herself. Cue, way too much detail.

    There’s clearly a market among women for confessional drivel, and she’s tapping into it. At £2 a word, Tim, perhaps you should have a whining female alter ego with a car crash life.

  18. “Cycling is the middle-aged man’s sport.”

    It’s worth knowing that cycling can raise your PSA level, leading to a false positive. If you cycle and have to have a PSA test, tell your doctor, and don’t cycle for at least 48 hours before hand.

  19. “Women have got what feminists told them they wanted and perhaps it is no surprise they are not happy.”

    Have women ever been happy?

  20. Bloody hell, you lot are worse than the temperance campaigners; a woman has a few glasses of wine, and she’s an alcoholic.

    A bloke goes for a cycle ride every Sunday and he’s having a mid life crisis.

    Perhaps they’re both just enjoyable things for the respective participants to do. But then the amateur psychologists here wouldn’t have anything to talk about.

  21. I used to live six miles from the shops and the nearest bus stop, and cycled there and back every couple of days. What sort of crisis was that?

  22. “Hannah Betts with her monthly alcohol consumption before she gave up drinking”(with accompanying photo of Hannah and the booze)

    Actually Love, that’s fuck all. Do you have to invent a past as a lush now to make yourself interesting?

  23. I’m watching The Girl On The Train… I am supposed to be riveted

    I hope I’m not the only one here who finds the use of the historic present tense very irritating. I find its faux immediacy rather manipulative.

  24. > I was wondering why a single woman with no kids is stalking mumsnet

    It’s the new journalism. No more loitering in the rain outside conference centres on the off chance of a soundbite and a stolen photo opportunity; instead just dredge YouTwitFace for some “he said, she said” gossip.

  25. I read her article.

    What I took away from it was that she was a total lightweight. Half a bottle of wine a night? That’s nothing at all—barely two gulps…

    DK

  26. Uh-oh, she has competition. From the Telegraph:

    Post-internet man is rude, narcissistic, and bad at sex. No wonder women are staying single

    [blah blah, men are useless, they prefer porn to me, rant rant]

    Of course many men are lovely, kind, attractive and good fun to spend time with. Yet even this type of man is a troubled offering to the libidinous 30-something woman. Yes, the charming man about town has perfected his lexicon of cool, from which local craft beers to buy to which gigs to attend – all in super-tight purple trousers.

    He’s progressive, has a lot of women friends, and is always up for a good time. But he’s sexy and he knows it. It’s all been too easy for him.

    Sex? Meh: he’d rather play his guitar tonight, thanks.

    No dear, he just doesn’t want sex with you.

  27. “I hope I’m not the only one here who finds the use of the historic present tense very irritating. ” says Theo.
    No. It does indeed impart a sense of immediacy & suspense & is particularly useful if one is intending to kill the protagonist in the final lines.
    In the case of Hannah Betts, we can live in hope can’t we?

  28. @ Tim Newman
    That’s encouraging: so I’m going to live to well over 100! For a particular reason I did some training and two 50km races this year.

  29. @ Andrew M

    Yes, the charming man about town has perfected his lexicon of cool, from which local craft beers to buy to which gigs to attend – all in super-tight purple trousers.

    From ManofKent, a commentator on Liddle’s new piece in The Spectator, in response to a white knight:

    You’ve forgotten the 3rd and 4th rules of urban liberal elitism.

    Rule 3. Any criticism of women however justified is misogyny

    Rule 4. Any criticism of men however unhinged and unjustified is the truth

    Oh and while we are at it we might as well have rule 5, 6 & 7

    Rule 5. Any criticism of men however unhinged made by a woman is a criminal offence by that man and must be punished with excessive compensation to the woman alongside whatever other punishments are seen fit.

    Rule 6 Any act of misogyny must be punished in the extreme with the perpetrator exiled from polite society

    Rule 7 There is no such thing as misandry. It is just objective criticism of the male gender.

    I don’t know anybody of the male sex who wears purple trousers, tight or otherwise, and if this stupid cow did but know it the reason she can’t find a bloke is that she is (1) past it, (2) a prejudiced, generalising airhead, and (3) a useful idiot for the globalists in their little scheme to atomise society and set everyone at each others’ throats.

    Let’s hope she likes cats.

  30. “A bloke goes for a cycle ride every Sunday and he’s having a mid life crisis.”

    The father of a woman I know thinks nothing of riding 70-80 miles PER DAY. And he’s nearly 70 FFS. If thats not some sort of mental crisis over the looming shadow of death I don’t know what is.

    There’s all over the place these days the MAMILs (Middle Aged Men In Lycra). Rarely young blokes, mostly 40-50 somethings. Fuck that for a joke, when I’m old I want to be fat and sat in the sunshine watching County Cricket, not tooling around pretending I’m in the Tour de France.

  31. “Bloody hell, you lot are worse than the temperance campaigners; a woman has a few glasses of wine, and she’s an alcoholic.”

    It’s partly tongue-in-cheek, dude, don’t take it too literally.

  32. So Much For Subtlety

    Ironman – “Actually Love, that’s fuck all. Do you have to invent a past as a lush now to make yourself interesting?”

    I find it hard to believe – I actually agree with Floppy about something.

    A bottle of wine only has about five standard drinks in it. Depending on the type of wine and bottle. So half a bottle is 2.5. But she has some days off? So lower than that.

    That is actually just a little over the government’s utterly b0ll0cks recommended limit. Depending on how many days she has off. It is much lower than the recommended limit for men.

    Lush my ar$e. Attention seeking drama whore more likely.

  33. Andrew M,

    The reason why feminism and socialism are so closely linked is that both are based on magic thinking. In the case of socialism, that there is a magic money tree. In the case of feminism, that they can have all the good stuff all round.

    Feminist women get the terrible men they deserve. They’re hostile and so men with choices go elsewhere. They get beaten by the women who get that putting on a pretty dress and doing their make-up and losing some weight wins.

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