All hail the State!

Imagine if the Curajus really did run more of our lives.

Two trials would both like me as a witness (expert I insist, not the Scouser in the suit). Both in London, both going on at the same time. The various people scheduling know I live outside the UK. They are obviously paying expenses.

The two evidence dates are 8 days apart……


14 thoughts on “All hail the State!”

  1. I once gave expert (sort of) evidence in a criminal court (Southwark)

    Arrived on the date as required. Was sat around all day and told to come back the next day. This repeated three times, on the forth day I was called. It took perhaps 10 mins to say my bit.

    Was given a form to fill in claim expenses. Never got em.

    Would I do it again? Not on your life

  2. I thoroughly enjoyed expert witnessing and recommend it to anyone, assuming your expertise is in something based on reality rather than piss and wind.

  3. Can’t they do it over Skype these days?

    I suppose that would violate the no-cameras-allowed-in-court rule.

  4. Wasn’t an expert witness but was a witness to a road accident. Called to attend court, went along. Sat waiting for 5 hours then got told the magistrates are concerned the guy doesn’t understand English and no interpreter available.
    Waste of my time.
    Next time I won’t turn up for court, the guy’s English was excellent after the accident but suddenly non existant in court.

  5. Next time I won’t turn up for court, the guy’s English was excellent after the accident but suddenly non existant in court.

    I’d be more inclined to ask the usher to pass a note to the judge to let him know the bloke was taking the piss.

  6. $500 dollars/hour, min billing incriment 6 minutes. Half rate for travel time and time away from home. mimimum 1 prior night stay on flights over 2 hours, min 2 night prior stay if crossing 2 or more time zones. food & lodging no more than 15 minute cab ride from work site … those are pretty standard terms for a (non partner/senior associate) for a mid tier NYC law firm

  7. Tim, are the two trials connected (beyond you being a witness in both)? Same lawyers, judge etc involved? If not, I don’t understand why you’d expect them to coordinate these details.

  8. Connected, yes, different courts and lawyers and judges though. And the reason I expected them to coordinate? Because they said they would.

  9. bloke in Germania wrote:
    >And you wonder why people think lawyers are piss-takers<

    yes quite agree, i eas astonished at what my firm had to pay to the Latham & Watkins senior associatr to haul his ass up from WashDC to NY

    on the other hand, when they needed the head tradet (me) to be an expert ywitness 6 years after i had left and the company had been sold and consequently went bankrupt I sent them their own billing memo of 6 years prior as my billing rate and attached the following rider

    Mr Harrison Welford,
    in addition to the $500/hr rate for testimony, travel rate at half billable rate, etc (I believe these are the rates at which your firm bill out a 3rd year associate to clients, so I think at these ratres I'm a bargain) during the day while I am drafting written testimony or am in deposition or being interviewed I shall require the following as outlined in the attached rider

    – Some basic snacks:
    …..a leg of serano ham & a sharp knife
    …..a bucket of Bocconcini mozzarella

    – a golden cape to help me feel more powerful and to keep the chill off

    – a spy novel in case the client and/or interviewer starts blathering on about something I've never heard of and I feel a need to distract myself

    – a guard dog (German Shepard if I'm feeling vulnerable, Labrador if I just feel like some company)

    – an antique carved teak ebony inlayed indian rocking elephant

    – a selection of spare shirts and ties in case i spill my milkshake

    – a selection of milkshakes

    – a Wedgewood Spittoon

    – and a courtroom caliber polygraph to make sure I don't lapse into truth too often

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