There is a very funny riff in the hilarious new play Raising Martha, on at the little Park Theatre in north London, that revolves around the name Linda. In the play, a middle-aged character called Gerry is trying to write a song about his true love but falters because, as he sings: “Nothing really rhymes with Linda…”

There’s the basic structure of a limerick there.

13 thoughts on “Tinder”

  1. No rhymes, Huh?

    A diabolical cook, name of Linda,
    Lit a barbecue with matches and tinder,
    But the worst of her clangers
    Was forgetting the bangers
    Until they were burnt to a cinder.

    Or would you prefer vulgar?

  2. A sexy young trollop called Linda
    Shagged the waiter Javinder
    He gave her a rash
    And offered no cash
    Because she scratched like a Ninja

  3. There was a young Lady called Linda
    Who uploaded her arse pics to Tinder
    They got 5 million likes
    And a message from “Mike”
    Who described what he’d like to put in’t her.

  4. There was a young woman called Linda,
    Who enjoyed a frolic on Tinder.
    When she put it about,
    Men withdrew with a shout,
    As her cunt was as hot as a cinder.

  5. But that just ignores the fact that Linda only rhymes with tinder and cinder if you speak mockney

    Sure, there’s bits of the US and Canada where they tend to pronounce “r” rhotically.

    But most of the English speaking world just puts a schwa on the end for “tinder” etc. So they rhyme well.

    I give you Byron:

    And monarchs gaz’d and envied in the hour
    When Venice was a queen with an unequall’d dower.

  6. DtP – you won’t like this either, I’m afraid:

    One day as I strummed my sarinda
    So my friends could rehearse a calinda,
    I looked aht the winda
    And a pale bird called Linda
    Was colouring up with morinda.

  7. Thanks Chester Draws. And to Theophrastus I give you:

    There’s a place Paul loved to kiss,
    Tasted of spunk and smelt of piss,
    This truly is a kind of hymn,
    Of praise, to Linda’s lovely quim,
    Her labia and clitoris.

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